When Somebody Loved Me

Prologue

It's been a shitty day. A shitty month, actually. No, you know what? Things have been pretty fuckin shitty for two years, two months, and five days (give or take). Before then, I was doing okay. I was under control. In control. I could handle things on my own. And then it all hit the fan.

You might be wondering what the hell I'm talking about at this point. Here's a little backstory for you.

My name is Audrey. Before it hit the fan, it was November of 2013. I was 16 years old (such a dramatic age, I know), and I was happy. But before I get into the details too deeply, here are some people you need to know about.

Zane. 18 years old at the time, in his senior year of high school. Tall, dark hair, beautiful green eyes, muscular, and as sweet as you could imagine. I was lucky enough to have been dating him for a year at that point.

Kensie. 15, and very willful. Smart, friendly, and gorgeous with a capital G with her light brown hair and stunning blue eyes. Also my younger sister.

My mom, Sarah, and my dad Mike. Married for 18 years and still going strong.

And Ann. A year younger than me, Drop dead beautiful, witty, sassy, caring, and the best friend a girl could ask for. We'd met via social media almost 3 years before and had been great friends since.

Now, back to the backstory. I had been dating Zane for a year. And it had been an amazing year, but a trying year indeed. We had been through so much together. Both of us lost a grandfather during that time, we went through the hell that is otherwise known as high school, and we lost our virginities to each other. We loved each other, and it was so pure.

But it ended, as all good things do. I found out that he had been having certain feelings for a friend of mine. I'm not sure why I didn't see it coming, everyone I had ever dated had ended up leaving me for Beth. And he did too. And then my entire world crashed around me. The one person who knew everything about me, everything I'd gone through and struggled with and accomplished, everything I dreamed of and hoped for and feared. Someone who had stayed with me longer than anyone else who had the choice to. One day he was mine, and the next he didn't love me anymore.

Needless to say, the depression I had been managing for about 5 years became immensely worse. I began self harming again, and it got very serious. I had a total of 76 cuts on my inner thighs and plans to cut as deep as I could and sit in a warm tub to bleed out and drift away on the day I was admitted. Someone had told on me, shared my secret. Because Beth found out, and she went straight to my therapist, who then informed both my mother and the nearest behavioral health center. I was admitted to Valley that same evening.

I spent ten days there. No friends, no family, no Ann. I missed the birth of my second niece. But I was able to convince them that I was ready to go home. And Ann was right there when I got back. She was my only friend that didn't live in town (she actually lived in a whole different state), but she was the first one to see how I was and ask what I needed her to do. And she was the first to make me feel like a person again.

This is my recovery story.