Little Miracles

Hypochondria

There is a general misinterpretation that last words are usually poetic and dignified, that is in fact, not true. For example when The Evil One enquired, "Any last words?" signalling for his Henchmen to shoot a deadly staple into Pax's skull, Pax's reply was,

 "Can you get STDs from a beaver?"

... which as last words go, are not poetic at all. Even if poetically editted to, "Can it be, that if the animal whose name begins with a B, who spends its time munching on tree, stuck the thing he uses to pee, passionately into me, that I might get an STD?" it still sounds far from dignified.

  "I don't think this is the time or place for that discussion," hissed Sarah, not letting her eyes leave the muzzle of the staple gun, "In fact I'm not sure there is a time or place for such a discussion."

 "But I've developed this really irritating cough in the last few minutes," moaned Pax, coughing into Sarah's face for demonstration, "It might be an early symptom."

 "Shoot them!" ordered The Evil One, smile widening in expectation of blood. The Henchmen obeyed, raising their staple guns to point at Pax and Sarah.

 "Look a bird!" shouted Sarah, pointing at a space behind the two figures towering before her.

"That's clearly an attempt to distract us," sneered the Henchman standing to the left, the scarf covering his mouth crinkling in malicious amusement, " What sort of bird would be flying around in the IKEA furniture display section anyway?"

 "A very rare bird," replied Sarah matter of factly.

 "She's right," exclaimed the Henchman standing to the right, turning his head back trying to catch a glimpse of this rare bird.

 "There's nothing there." Sighed the Henchman to the left, head still fixed firmly forward, staple gun still trained on Sarah's forhead. However, a moment later when the other henchman gave a startled cry of surprise, the henchman to the left whirled round. After a second of silent confusion staring at nothing in particular, he grunted to the henchman next to him, "What is it?"

 "I just remembered I forgot to lock the back door before we left," whispered the other Henchman, "What is we get robbed by the local thieves?"

 "We are the local thieves," sighed the other henchman. They both turned back round, raising their staple guns as they did, ensuring that they were aiming at... nothing. The two intended victims, Sarah and Pax, had dissappeared and in their place was the simple emptiness of IKEA's replica rooms. The two henchmen stared in silence at the rows of perfectly coordinated sofas, tables, bookshelves and lamps for a second. Then slowly they turned around, expecting to see the anger in their master's eyes.

 Instead they saw the back of his head.

 "Oh! I think I saw it there for a second!" shouted the Evil One in excitement, neck crained trying to catch sight of the bird.

 From behind a dull green colored sofa, which was perfectly coordinated with the dull green colored lamp, rug, book shelf and wall paper, Sarah could hear a lot of angry shouting. She shrunk back, digging her shoulders into the soft back of the sofa, as she heard the voices coming nearer.

 Sarah shot a desperate look at Pax who was crouched beside her, pleading for him not to make a sound. However even as Sarah watched, Pax seemed to be sucking in air, preparing for another chesty cough.

The voices of the Evil One and his henchmen, still debating the existence of the bird and whether their house would be robbed, could be heard clearly. They were just a metre or so away, only separated from Pax and Sarah by the fluffy form of the sofa. One side ways glance over the back of the sofa and they would be seen.