Promises *Anxiety One-Shot*

Part 1

Shadow's, I am just a shadow of the girl I use to be

A hollow shell of her

I have break downs more then I'd like

But I always smile through the tears

I have to, because when someone asks me if I'm OK. My default answer is yes

Why? Because I won't burden others with my own fight

I refuse to, I hate crying

Anyone can cry and it's fine, but me I'm not aloud to cry

When I do, I'm being weak, I hate being weak

I'm scared, my anxiety spreads like a virus, like poison

It consumes me, until I have no idea if what I'm doing is real or not

And that's what truly terrifies me

It scares me to feel like everything isn't real, like I'm not real

Like the people I care about aren't real

I know it's stupid, but I can't help it, it all just feels to unreal for me not to believe it

I don't want to feel like that

My mind gets foggy, everything is foggy

Having no motivation to do anything, not caring if I drop dead

The voices telling me, I don't matter

Telling me, nothing would change without me here

Telling me, maybe it'd be better if I stopped existing

I can't tune them out, no matter how loud I turn my music up

Their always louder

It's driving me crazy, I feel like there's no escape

I feel like I'm drowning

And no matter how fast and hard I kick my legs

I find myself not being able to reach the surface of the water

My anxiety makes me feel like a freak, like everyone is staring at me

Judging me, hating me, I don't want that

I want to help people, I want people to like me

But how can I help others when I can't help myself?

I honestly don't know.

All these feelings scare me, to no extent

But even when I feel like giving up, I won't

Because I can't, I have to many people I made promises to that haven't been fulfilled yet

I want to create happiness, not sadness

So I'll keep living, but not for myself

But for those I love and care about deeply.