The Hospital Room (Cashley & Jindy)

Chapter 9

~Jake's POV~

This hospital was a piece of shit.

I'm also a piece of shit, my head hurts and I just feel so done with everything...

Everyone else still had someone, and I was still alone. Honestly, right now I'd prefer to die and just be done with my life, but that wasn't going to happen, there was nothing here that could make me die, not really.

Jinxx and Andy were getting closer, I just became more distant.

Ashley was distant but he'd also been talking to Jinxx.

Then I just... I didn't talk to anyone; I didn't like this, the feeling of being lonely. I've been lonely before, but never before in a room of people that I wanted to be friends with.

That's the worst part, being alone in a room full of people you'd like to get to know and be friends with. And they don't seem like they want to become friends with you, you're just left there...

But there's not much one could do about that, my options were to try to talk to them, but that was just plain awkward, especially when they all had each other.

But then, I can fake my way through hospital and get better, I won't have to go through the mental institution, and then I can just leave. I could leave everything behind and just become a different person.

You know... that or I could just kill myself and be done with it all, I feel like that may be the better option. Because this overwhelming sadness doesn't feel like it's going to leave me alone anytime soon.

But I don't know, my head and what comes out my mouth are two very different things. I only let out select things because there's only certain things I can discuss with different people.

But then, I don't have anyone to discuss things with, maybe I'd like to talk about why I was arguing with my sister and managed to kill my mom in the process.

No, I'm just left with these haunting thoughts that feel like they're slowly rotting my head from the inside, turning my entire brain activity to black, so I'll become a clinical, brain-dead zombie.

Just numb to everything and anything around me with the painful memories that shoot through me like never-ending bullets. The bullets seem to fire on command, only when I remember or think about certain things do I feel the pain spread throughout my already weak and scarred body.

The scars that covered my body were something else, it was disgusting, there was so much scar tissue covering areas like my shoulders and stomach. My arms and thighs were covered in the horrible marking left from self-mutilation.

I'm not exactly the most attractive being on earth.

I'm all alone, weak and scarred, faking happiness just so I can kill myself. I'm a very fucked up person, right?

Just thinking like this was bringing tears to my eyes, but I was mostly alone, it was the middle of the night and the rest were asleep. I was left sitting and staring blankly at the grey-ish white walls that haunted my every living second.

"Guess what Jake; you're going to be dead as soon as you get out here..." I whispered to myself, hugging my knees to my chest as I sighed, wiping my eyes on my knees.

"It'll all be over soon... just think about that." I muttered, it would be, so soon and it could just all be over. All of it, every suffering moment in my life would be done, and all that would be left behind was my dead corpse and whatever was left of my bedroom.

I hadn't exactly left much imprint on the world, not even where I walked. No one would ever think; Jake Pitts walked on this very street, no one would be excited by the thought of seeing me.