SCANDAL

1. Distress

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I was numb.

The first of March is fast approaching. Soon it will be the third, my birthday.Here am I, in Tagaytay trying to figure out what to do, decide if I should keep my head high and continue or just grab a knife and go.

I continued to cry as I hugged myself. I teared up as I provided myself with warmth, looking at the Taal volcano and the body of water that surrounds it. Okay, so am i allowed to jump and drown? Yes, love, jump, the pessimist in says. But. No, don't jump, Nicomaine. If you jump, you won't just be killing yourself, you'll be ending someone else's life too. You'll be a murderer. Then I remembered why I was even here in the province, a little more than 4 hours away from Bulacan. Here I was, hoping to end my misery. Today,I quested to find answers. Maybe to seek help too, or beg for the pain to stop. I've been hurting for so long. The career I once had, the chance I had to live was soon taken away from me. All because of him. Alden. 

The sun was setting. It was now 5:34pm, and I saw the reflection of the pink skies and scarlet sun on the water. People started flocking where I was to grab a capture of the scenery. I tightened the hoodie surrounding my face, so scared to be recognized.

Nasaan ka na? Come here na, please. I need to see you. I need to talk to you.

"Maine?"

That voice. The voice of my savior. The way he called out my name. My stomach turned in all directions, hurting me even more that the cold weather did. I sobbed even more. How pathetic. How helpless. How painful.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's going on?" I heard him ask, but next, I felt warmth. He was caressing my back and I found that I just buried myself even deeper in his chest.

"Jake, anong gagawin ko? Yung pamilya ko? My God Jake, they will disown me! Alam na alam ko na ayaw nilang magkaroon ng anak na nabuntis na hindi kasal. Jake, ang dumi ko!" All my greatest fears now only dawned on me. I dwelled so much on hoping for Jake's acceptance na nakalimutan kong isipin yung iba din na importanteng bagay.

"NICOMAINE MENDOZA!" Jake shouted, holding both of my arms and shaking me back to rationality.

And I always, listened to him, because the way he held me, the way he talked to me, they all waned down my fears and anxiety.

"I will never let anyone hurt you, or this," he declared. He was so sure. He touched my belly and said, "This may not be mine but it's a gift to us. Naririnig mo ba ako? Hindi ka dapat matakot. This is the rainbow after the storm."

"Sorry, Jake. I didn't meant to put this on your shoulder. I thought I was safe that night with whoever I was in bed with and I--"

"Don't apologize for giving yourself and of course me. After everything we've been through..."

I just looked at him, watched him silently tear up. For a few minutes, I was so silent, so I noticed how his face was crooked. He asked, "Do you w-want this?"

"Don't think of me. Think of yourself. Do you want this child? Jake followed up.