I write to you because...

Chapter one <3

"I write to you because...

I wanted you to help me through today,

I wanted you to help me be strong,

I wanted you,

I wanted help,

-Harry<3"

'Why do you write in that when you could talk to me?' his voice asks, but I ignore it swallowing the purple pills that dull his voice, and helps me go out without crying everytime I see brown hair, stripes, anything to do with one direction and him.

Today is the meeting about the band, deciding whether or not we should go ahead with the tour.

I never go on twitter anymore, the devastation of the fans is unbearable. At a meet and greet we did a few weeks ago, a girl walked up to me. As soon as our eyes met, we just cried, security took her away from me, but not before I heard her say-

"We both loved him, but Harry was the one for him."

Thats when I lost it, I lost my resistance against the fact I loved Louis.

That's when I began writing, when I began seeing him.

Also, the hate pounded me, I've been called everything under the sun. But the media portray me as being distraught over a close friend passing, I'm so grateful for that.

But it's so much more than that.

'I do love you Harry...But you know how it is, I can't love you. I love Eleanor.'

That's the sentence that crushed me, and that's when all of this started.

~*~

"I don't think we should let the fans down," liam says slowly, I look down staying out of the debate, to no one's surprise.

"What about Harry?" the Irish argues.

"What about him? Fans are money, money is fame, fame is your life now." the woman argues, my teeth grind together with every word.

Niall huffs, looking away from her, earning a high pitched noise.

"Might I remind you of the contract you all signed Mr horan?" she asks in a clipped tone, raising a perfect eyebrow.

Niall rolls his eyes, looking down at his phone.

"Then it's settled, One Direction will continue with the tour." She says and I give a non humorous laugh.

"No, One Direction doesn't exist anymore. It will just be Liam Payne, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik and Harry Styles singing. One Direction doesn't exist. Not anymore," I say sharply, my voice cracking on the last word, I stalk out, a blonde head following me.

~*~

~8:47~

"I'm sorry Harry," Niall whispers handing me my pills and a glass of water. After receiving a small nod from me, he smiles slightly before walking off into our kitchen to order our food; We hadn't eaten all day.

I began lifting the reality check medication to my lips when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Harry," He breathed, sending the familiar chill down my spine.

He walked around the leather sofa, pushing down the hand holding his mute button.

"Please don't block me out," He begs and my face falls.

"You pushed me away," I answer, a little accusation in my tone, I stare at the the mediation, debating.

"Please," He says, "Just let me stay,"

Niall walks in just in time to see me send the pills across the room, scattering across the wooden floor, giving me a disappointed expression.

"Harry-"

"No, I-I can't," I snap, taking Louis by the hand and pulling him out.

Louis wasnt there.

But he was to me.

__________