Perfect (The First book in the series)

Chapter One

(Trigger Warning: Self Harming)

One cut.

That's all its going to take.

To end all the pain and suffering.

To end everything.

Lukas stared down at his arms. He stared at his scars. Some were healed all the way, some were still healing. And some would never heal completely. He felt empty inside, he wanted to die. Yet, he never got the courage to end it. There was always something preventing him from doing it. Actually, it was someone who prevented him from doing it.

But this time, this time was different, he didn't even know if this person could save him.

His eyes moved from his scars to the razor in his hand. He pressed it to his wrist, sending the razor deeper and deeper into his wrist, watching the blood ooze from his arm.

The last thing he remembered before blacking out was his mom screaming his name.

|||

Lukas woke up, his head was foggy, his arms were bandaged. His mom held his big, rough hand in her small, delicate one. She was crying. 'Whoever caused her this pain will have to watch their backs...' Lukas thought groggily.

"Mama?" He mumbled sleepily.

"Lukas! Honey I'm here," His mom said, squeezing his hand gently.

"Mama... Who hurt you?" Lukas asked quietly.

Then it dawned on him. "Mama, did I hurt you?"

"Lukas, baby, why didn't you tell me you were hurting yourself?" She asked.

"I didn't want to see you like this," He said.

Lukas sat up on the hospital bed and pulled his mom in for a hug.

"Oh baby, please never do this again," she mumbled into his shoulder. "I can't loose my baby boy, too. Not yet."

"I promise, Mama," Lukas said, hiding his face in her curly blonde hair. "I promise."

///

Lukas spent the next week home from school, mostly watching movies and sleeping on the couch. Farkle stopped by to drop off his homework every day. Lukas pretended to be asleep while he let his mom deal with Farkle, he didn't want to see Farkle. Not yet.

///

On the monday he returned to school, he had his homework completed and in his backpack. He stared at Mr. Matthew's chalkboard, the lesson of the day was titled ' Depression. '

"Depression? Daddy, why is today's lesson on depression?" Riley asked.

"Can anyone tell me what depression is?" Mr. Matthews asked.

Lukas raised his hand.

"Yes Mr. Friar? Go ahead," Mr. Matthews said.

"Depression is an emotion that you feel when you're extremely sad after something bad happens. Bullying, a death in the family. Abuse, all of those can cause depression. And depression isn't something that anyone should take lightly.

"Depression can make someone attempt suicide, or even suicide, all because of dark thoughts in their heads," Lukas said, staring at his hands.

He could feel everyone's eyes on him. He could hear everyone whispering. It didn't bother him.

"Lukas, how do you know so much about depression?" Maya asked.

"In Texas one of my friends was depressed," Lukas answered quietly.

He could feel Farkle staring at him. It was as if he was staring into his mind, trying to figure out what was wrong.

Lukas knew that soon they'd find out. Then everyone would know. He had a doctor's note so he didn't have to participate until the stitches healed, which was upsetting for him since he loved gym.

Lukas stood. "Stop staring please!" He sat back down as everyone looked away suddenly.

Lukas stared at his hands again.

"Your homework assignment for tonight is to write about anyone you knew or know, who is battling depression," Mr. Matthews said. "Its due back on Friday."

///

Lukas sat in his bedroom, a guitar in his arms. He was strumming it gently.

"I'm tired, I'm worn..." He sang.

He was singing 'Worn' by 21st Avenue North, it was the only song he knew that could lift his spirits. Also it was the only song he knows how to play on the guitar. He sighed slightly.

There was a knock on the door. Lukas quickly threw on a sweatshirt to cover the bandages and went to check who was behind the door. It was Farkle.

"Um, hey Farkle," Lukas said

"You've been acting strange buddy, is everything alright?"

"Everything is fine, Farkle," Lukas lied, a fake smile plastered on his face.