The War In My Mind

Chapter V: Wings

*This chapter contains a suicide attempt. Viewers discretion is advised.*

I can't take this anymore! I fucking can't! I can't function right anymore. I don't have interest in living anymore. I feel like a huge burden on my family. I don't have a lot of friends. My twin brother has a lot of friends, popular and has a girlfriend that loves him. I can't find anybody who wants to date me! Why? Why?

I'm such a fucking freak. I'm a schizophrenic freak! Why was I born like this? Why couldn't I be born normal like Corey and Zolten? The grief over my mom has taken over lately. It's been six years since she left this Earth. And I still miss her. I wanna reunite with her. It's time for me to leave this Earth. I'm tired, I'm done.

I go to my room and grab my razor. I look at my arms, full of scars from the previous time I cut my wrists. Cuts all over my arms.
I begin to slit my wrists, the pain oozing away. I continue to cut my wrists and then my legs, trying to continue to release my anger, pain, suffering, anxiety and sadness.

Blood slowly oozes out of my wrist slowly. Tick tock. Tick tock. I get fascinated by blood coming out of my body. This isn't quick enough. I need to leave this Earth faster then this. I wanna leave this damn Earth already!

I grabbed the bottle of Tylenol and the bottle of Advil from the medicine cabinet. I also grabbed some wine from the cellar. I begin to take handfuls upon handful of pain pills. Dozens and dozens went in my mouth. After that, I walked into my bedroom. I laid down on my bed, holding the bear my mom gave me when I was four years old, waiting for my heart to stop beating.

I slowly close my eyes, ready and hoping that my guardian angels will take me to the golden gates. I feel like it's over. No more fighting, no more hiding. Pain free, no suffering. I want it so bad.

I closed my eyes and waited patiently to head to the golden gates and see my mom once again. I can't fucking wait to be reunited with my mom and not suffer anymore.