Teach Me How to Love Again (Sequel to Dirty Little Secret)

Chapter 83: I Could Treat You Better, but I'm Not That Smart

*~(The title of this chapter is from I'm a Ruin by Marina and the Diamonds.)~*

*~Sky's P.O.V.~*

Of course, Gerard wasn't in our room when I got back, so I huffed and threw myself into bed. I hated the fact that there was only one bed in our hotel room. That meant I had no choice but to sleep in the same bed as Gerard.

Flashbacks of that disgusting sight I had witnessed replayed over and over again in my mind. It was like one of the polaroids I had seen of him in college, but this was so much worse, because this was real. Why does he always do this shit to me? He's killing me.

He stumbled into our room at about 4:00 AM, and I heard him curse repeatedly as he bumped into almost everything he could possibly bump into in the small hotel room. It was obvious that he was even more wasted now than he was when I left. I could practically smell the alcohol as soon as he walked in.

I buried my face into the comforter and pretended to be asleep. I really didn't want to deal with him right now. He seemed to believe I was asleep, because he just flopped into bed and faced away from me.

*~*~*

It was another sleepless night for me. I don't know if Gerard got any sleep or not, because I couldn't even bear to look at him. I heard him crying for a few hours after he came back, so I assumed he hadn't gotten much sleep either.

There was a pounding in my head when I woke up, which I assumed was due to the lack of sleep.

I opened my eyes and didn't see Gerard, so I let out a sigh of relief. I didn't know where he was, but I didn't really care at that moment. I just didn't want to see him.

Although, my alone time didn't last long, because he returned to our hotel room in about 10 minutes. The smell of cigarette smoke suddenly wafted into the room, so I figured he must have only left the room to take a smoke break.

"I know you're awake. Stop trying that on me," Gerard muttered, his voice still sounding a bit rough from the fact he had just smoked again for the first time in weeks.

I opened my eyes, but I tried to focus on something else in the room, so I wouldn't have to look at him. I eventually settled on focusing on the framed artwork that was hanging on the wall directly in front of the bed. Hotel room artwork was never anything too special, but focusing on it was much better than focusing on Gerard. I tried my hardest to keep my eyes glued to the painting.

"I, um... I brought you some coffee. It's from that tiny little convenience store, so it's probably not that good, but it's probably still better than hotel coffee. I just went to buy cigarettes, but I figured you'd want some coffee," he rambled. I rolled my eyes and continued to focus on the painting as it became harder and harder to prevent myself from looking at him. I could practically feel him staring at me.

Eventually, I took a deep breath and sat up so I could drink my coffee. He had set it on the nightstand next to me, so I took a few sips, and stared down at my lap so I could still manage to avoid looking at him.

He cleared his throat awkwardly. "So, um... What happened last night? I have a hangover, and I can't remember anything, but I know it must have been bad, because I can tell you're really mad at me," he asked uncomfortably.

It was a habit to always look at him when he spoke, so my focus on my lap was suddenly lost, and I met eyes with him. Meeting eyes with him brought the image from last night come back much more vividly. I could picture it down to every detail, as if somebody took a photograph of that exact moment, and somehow implanted it into my brain. I could still picture the woman he was kissing, and I could still picture the way he was kissing her. I felt disgusted and hurt yet again.