Charlie moved swiftly from his home in front of his computer screen to the window behind him. His fingers spread apart the blinds ever so carefully to allow just enough space for him to see out. One eye, bloodshot from the culmination of many nights without sleep, the other, blackened and blood filled from an incident the week prior, slowly scanned back and forth, surveying the scene in front of him. Sweat dripped from the top of his brow, down past his nose just to get caught in his unkempt beard. It was about 3:30am; just over an hour since last time he checked the street. He made notes on the locations of all the parked cars. A black SUV was still parked a block down from his apartment complex. Only recently had Charlie seen that truck parked there. When he had first noticed it a month ago, it was further down the street, but with every passing day, the SUV moved closer and closer to Charlie's apartment. It was now so close as to have a perfect line of sight into Charlie's window. If it wasn't for Charlie's blackout curtains and blinds they would see right in. He knew it was them, just watching him and waiting for the time to strike. They wanted to silence him. Make sure his research never got out. He knew they were out there, and they were responsible for Forest Porn.
When Charlie was twelve, he was out in the woods with his friends doing all those stupid things that boys do, until he spotted something on the ground. He stopped his game of Cops n' Robbers and slowly moved towards it. His head spun in both directions to make sure none of his friends were in sight while he silently listened for the breaking of twigs or the rustling of leaves, any sign that he was not alone. After confirming that no one was near, young Charlie crouched down and moved closer to the mystery object. It was a water-damaged magazine just lying on the forest floor, partly covered by dirt and leaves. When he finally bent down to pick it up he realized that it was an old Playboy. Charlie had never seen any female nudity before, not that he didn't try, so this should have been a heaven send for him. But it wasn't, instead all he had were questions. He tried to move past them and just focus on the treasure that he had just uncovered, but he was numb to the content. The pages of nude women were meaningless to him. How did the magazine get there? Who put it here? Why would someone bring it to the middle of the woods?
When he was eighteen, Charlie only had a vague, fuzzy memory of finding the magazine in the forest. He knew the memory was there, floating around in the back of his mind, but if he ever tried to picture the event, it was as if he was looking at a blurred photograph. The details were no longer present; only a distant memory of what he had felt remained. Yet, one day, the feelings that were just a distant and clouded memory flooded his mind like a title wave while he was listening to his favorite syndicated morning radio show on his way to class. The show's hosts began talking about their first experiences with porn in their youth when one mentioned that his first experience was a magazine he had found in the woods. Calls began pouring into the station from all across the country with listeners telling their stories about finding porn in the forest. Hearing this, Charlie slammed on his brakes, leaving black tire tracks as he pulled over onto the side of the highway. He now knew that his experience was not just an isolated incident. There were others, from all across the country that had their first experience with pornography in the form of a magazine, whether it was Playboy, Hustler, or any others, found in the woods. From that point on, Charlie's questions began to consume his life. It was no longer possible for Forest Porn to be simply a coincidence. There had to be someone or some group out there that was placing these magazines in the woods for people to find. But why, what was the purpose of all of it? Charlie knew that if he were going to find the answers he sought, he would have to find those responsible for it.
Five minutes later, Charlie returned to the dim glow of his computer screen. His hands, still shaking from the rush of adrenaline, began typing away at the keys. This is how he spent most nights, on message boards and forums with others who have encountered Forest Porn. He would spread his questions and theories in hopes that any other likeminded individuals would see them and help him in his search for answers. For the most part, the people on the forums would mock him, call him crazy, and harass him after reading his posts. Some, on the other hand, sympathized with Charlie after learning of his mission, not because they believed him but because they believed he was mentally ill. After all, no sane person would believe in something so ridiculous as Forest Porn.

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Forest Porn
HumorForest Porn is a satirical look at obsession, conspiracy and perceived madness.