Can't Sleep Can't Breathe {Haylor}

The words were so simple and yet they killed me from the insides out. Eating away at everything i had. Goodbyes were one of the hardest things for me. Always had been, but this particular goodbye had to be one of the worst. Being so busy all the time, with both of us being in the industry, you never knew when you'd be in each others arms again. It was nerve racking. Especially on a love that's so... Fragile. It was 4am as I held him in my arms, squeezing him tighter than I ever had. Harry ran his fingers up and down my spine, attempting to sooth me. The night had been so perfect. One of the best New Year's Eve I've ever experienced. The music and the slow dancing backstage. His smile and his laugh. The way he held me. The lighting and the fireworks. The countdown. I squeezed his arm as the time came closer. Security had surrounded us in the sea of people. The numbers getting smaller, one by one, I put my hand out: chanting each number with the thousands of others.
Ten, Nine...
His hand wrapped around my waist.
Eight, Seven...
I avoided the people screaming my name.
Six, Five...
Harry comforted me as he brought me close.
Four, Three...
Tingles ran through my spine.
Two, one...
And before I knew it his lips were on mine, his arms cradling my back. My arms around his neck, pulling him as close as I possible could. Making this one of the best New Years Eve kisses... ever. The taste of his lips was so... comforting. I didn't want it to end, but when it did, I pulled away and dove myself into his embrace for a hug. I buried myself into his shoulder, just like I was now.
I brought myself back into the moment. Taking a deep breath, a tear fell from my eye. "Harry, we outta be goin'" one of his bodyguards announced.
Harry didn't move a muscle, only to squeeze me tighter. "Give us a few minutes!" He mumbled sounding annoyed.
I pulled away as I took his hands, squeezing. "Promise me, you'll call when you get to London, alright?"
"You'll be sleeping, Tay." He whispered.
"No I won't. I'll wait up. I need to know you made it home safe."
A smile turned from the corner of his lips. "Ya know, for a world known superstar you sure are afraid of planes."
I brought his hand up with mine and I wiped my tears. Laughing a bit, I smiled. "It's not the plane I'm scared of. It's what can happen with who's on it."
He tugged at his silver paper airplane necklace and smiled. "I've got my lucky charm. It'll keep me safe. I promise."
"Harry, we really must be going!" The reluctant bodyguard said once again, getting pissed off at me or Harry or maybe the both of us.
"God damnit, Eric!" Harry huffed. "I said give me a fucking moment with my girl." My eyes grew wide.
Harry's attention went back to me as he placed his lips on mine. I pushed my forehead up against his. "I wish I could come with you." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
"It's still an option..." He whispered back.
I paused to actually think about the possibility. But it was too far fetched. "I want to... But I can't. And with the red tour coming up there is still so much to do and to design and to cast people for the tour and so many appearances to make..." I licked my lips, squeezing his hands tighter. "I wish it was simpler." I looked deep into his eyes for comfort.
"I'll call you when I land." Harry stared back into my blue eyes with a set of his own. "Alright?"
Biting my lip, I nodded and whispered "okay".
Harry leaned Into me, put one hand on the back of my neck and pulled me close, our lips hardly even touching. My entire body quivering. He kissed me as I kissed him back, tears started to fall and I had no say. "I love you." Harry whispered as his lips parted from mine. His hand went up and he cleared my tears with his thumb.
"I love you too." My words shaky and my heart beating fast.
I went in for one last quick kiss. After that he was pulled away Into the private plane. Harry waved out the window and smiled so his dimples came out of hiding. I waved back, trying to not show too much pain, but it was near impossible. My mother came and put her arm around me, guiding me to the hummer that was waiting. She closed the door behind me and made her way to the passenger side, taking a seat beside Ben, our driver. My tears were atrocious and silent, which made my vision blurry. For a moment i thought i was in a rain storm. I watched as the plane took off and my heart fell to the pit of my stomach, my fingers grasping to the window as if it would make the plane come back. Oh how I wish he took me with him. I covered my eyes, not wanting to look at anyone or anything. I watched the most important person fly off into the sky and i had no idea when i'd see him again.
The vehicle started to move and all i could hear was the tapping of my moms fingers on her iPhone. "Could you stop?" i mummbled from the back and she looked in the mirror at me.
"Stop what."
"The tapping. Its irritating." i cleared my tears but they continued to come.
My mom stopped, and set her phone in her purse. She started making small talk and when i didnt reply she started to explain how our week in New York was panning out. I went through ten minutes of listening at what time I needed to be up and where I was going and who I was seeing and who i was going to be interviewed by. I was sick of it. Don't get me wrong, i love my job more than anything... but Tomorrow was my day off and I needed it. My heart ached for Harry to put his arm around me, pull me close and tell me that he loved me. I just wanted to hear his voice.
Looking out the window I realized where we were. Only a few blocks from the hotel, if that. "Hey Ben." I started to say, taking off my seat belt and moving to the edge of my seat. "Will you stop the car."
"Um, why?" He asked peaking at me through the rear view mirror.
"I think I'm just gonna... Walk from here. The hotel is in view. I'll be fine."
"Taylor! You will not!" My mom budded in and I felt the vehicle pull over and it came to a halt.
"Miss Taylor, ill have to go with you." Ben completely ignored my mom.
I shook my head. "I'll be fine. I mean, I'm twenty three. I live on my own. Surely I can handle a night alone." I didn't mean to sound cruel it was just how it came out. My door unlocked and my mom sat speechless staring at Ben. He was most likely going to be bitched out for the next hour. It was in my contract I was to never go anywhere alone, but honestly, I could care less.
I started walking down the street and for once I nearly felt normal. Like this, was normal. Not having anyone at my side. But at the same time I could feel Harry's hand around my waist, guiding me through the busy streets. I didn't know how I was going to do this. How I was going to go on without him. I had been with him the past two weeks and now that he wasn't with me... I felt completely and utterly shattered. I stared at the ground as one foot passed the other. My hands in my pockets. My hair blowing with the slight bounce in my step. Looking up, I realized my hotel was closer that I thought and I started to pick up speed unconsciously. A man with a camera smiled at me and I half smiled back, not exactly realizing the damage I had done. With that, cameras started flashing. Coming from places I didn't even notice. My name started to be called. "Taylor!" They started. "How's Harry?" "Where is Harry?" "Is he in the hotel?" "How are the fans taking this?" I tried to ignore them but i was being bombarded. The closed me in, and it's like they got in my head. My vision started to get blurry and I couldn't even move. People were pulling and tugging at me. Trying to get the right shot. I was dizzy and completely disorientated, the flashes were blinding. Nothing anyone should ever have to go through. Their words echoing in my mind, piercing me in the stomach.
Ben came to my rescue, pushing his way through to get to me, making a path to get inside. The doors closed behind us and I started to breakdown. A waterfall of tears. Ben put his arms around me in the most professional way he could. I couldn't stop tears from flowing. This night was too much. "It's time you goto your room now, Miss." Ben announced and lead me to the elevator. "Will you be okay from here?" He asked. I nodded. "Are you sure." I nodded again not saying a word, just trying not to make a joke of myself, more than i already had. The elevator door closed and I made my way up to the 21st floor. I closed my eyes and imagined as if Harry was there. Protecting me from everything. Guiding me to my room. I entered the somewhat messy hotel suite Harry and i had left last night. I hung up my jacket and threw my purse on the counter. It was quiet and i didn't like it. I changed out of my dress and pulled on harry's shirt he 'accidentally' misplaced and paired it with some shorts.
In the bathroom, i washed my face and removed all the make up i had caked on. I was quite the hot mess with running mascara streaks to top it. Love bites on my neck started to appear and all I could do was smile at the thought of his lips running down my neck. I closed my eyes and imagined him here.
I crawled into bed and started watching Love Actually. I was cold. Not physically but mentally. I missed Harry's arms wrapped around my waist and his head leaning Into the crook of my neck. I missed the hold of his hand and the smell of his cologne. Sleeping wasn't even a thought. I was wide awake and this seemed to be the recurring theme.
I must have been on my... Fifth, sixth episode of CSI. I honestly had lost count. I didn't pay attention half the Time and I was sick to my stomach with not talking to Harry. Not being with him. Not kissing him. It had been a long night of crying. Tossing and turning. Thinking and to top it off, more crying. The sun had already rose and it must have been at least nine, in the morning before i realized. I heard a phone ring on my way to the bathroom, running to my purse instead. i started throwing stuff around, trying to find my cell phone. When I found the ringing device I didn't hesitate to answer. "Harry?!" I said as it was my first thought.
It was a British accent, but not the one I was looking for. "Oh um, no. It's Ed."
I took a deep breath of mixed relief and sadness. "Oh um. What's up?" I tried not to sound like I had been crying all night.
"Did I call at a bad time?" Ed hesitated but I was distracted.
"Oh, um. No it's fine."
"Well then!" He started with a laugh and the whole being British thing reminded me of Harry even more. "Happy New Years, Taylor!"
Slowly I nodded making my way back to the bed. "Happy new year Ed!" I tried to sound excited but it just wasn't right. I sunk into the sheets.
"Would you be up for hanging out today?"
I licked my lips. "I don't know. I think it's gonna be a song writing, hang out kinda day for me."
"Well... What if we did that together?"
I took a deep breath, "I don't know Ed. It's been a long-" I didn't want to be mean so when he cut me off I stayed silent. I just didn't have the efforts.
"It'll be fun!" He assured me but I didn't say anything. "I'll be right over!"
Honestly, I loved Ed, truly one of my greatest friends but I just... Wasn't in the mood. Nothing against him i just wanted to be alone. And I know it sounded weird and crazy and obsessive. But all I wanted to do was sit in Harry's shirt with my chest against my knee's thinking about him and writing down lyrics to describe how harry made me feel. I don't know why I let myself get this way. So attached. I jump, I fall and get hurt. I had always been this way. And the one time I find someone that doesn't hurt me, he lives miles away and the distances kills me more. And the fans... Don't get me started at what his fans had put me through. But it seemed like for him, if it meant we shared one more kiss, it was worth it. Harry tells me time and time again that they're just jealous at what we have. That what we have was worth the harsh words and rude comments. That eventually, it would stop. But not being with him and his arms around me was the worst part.
There was a knock at the door and I knew it was Ed. I started thinking of excuses. Maybe I would say I was sick or that I fell asleep. But knowing Ed he would find a way to get in and help in anyway he could. I opened the door, not entirely realizing that my hair was in a knot and I was still in Harry's shirt. "Oh um, good Morning!" Ed announced, trying to sound cheery.
I stood between the door and the frame, "morning."
"Is everything alright?" Ed asked peaking behind me at the messy hotel room I didn't bother cleaning up.
"Ya, everything is fine. I just kinda want some alone time though." I said softly, biting my lip.
"Oh um, okay." Ed hesitated but continued to just stand there. "What if we went to breakfast?" He asked. He knew something was going on. I looked down, pushing my toes in to the carpet harder than I already was. "Come on!" He insisted.
"I don't know..."
"Taylor, come on. Something is up and you need food." He wasn't taking no for an answer and pushed into my hotel room. Ed set down his guitar. "Go on! Get changed."
I closed my eyes to hold back tears that were dwelling. Ed leaned against the wall as I made my way to the closet, finding something appropriate to wear. I picked up a tank top and paired it with one of Harry's plaid shirts and some jeans. In a weird way it felt like Harry's arms were around me. Giving me the strength to get through the day. Pushing me to wait for his phone call.
My hair was a mess so I changed into a ponytail. "Ready?" I asked which came into a mumble. We went down to the main floor and we were seated in a room near the back. My cell phone sat in front of me, every once and while lighting up with messages from god knows who. But all i cared about was harry. Throughout our friendly conversations at breakfast I couldn't stop thinking about Him, I didn't say much and that was the reason. Ed was talking about whatever he had in mind, songs and whatnot.
As much as I tried I just couldn't pay attention to anyone or anything.
He was implanted in the back of my mind.
I couldn't help but think of the night before New Years. Just thinking about it made my lips turn a smile and my toes tingle. We went out to a very exclusive and very fancy restaurant that Harry picked out. I was in one of my black dresses with key holes and mesh. Our fingers were locked and somehow Harry planned a distraction so we could get in without any hype. We were given champagne and Harry stole some sips from me. I stole some kisses from him. It was a lovely dinner. I couldn't have asked for anything better. We caught the right time and were escorted out back to my car and we went back to the hotel. My driver pulled into the underground parking and we went through the back. Harry's arm was around my shoulders, keeping me warm, and I cuddled into the crook of his neck. Everything about the night gave me butterflies. When the elevator doors closed I planted a kiss on his luscious lips and he fiercely kissed back. We didn't take much time to breathe. Before I knew it, Harry pinned me against one of the elevator walls, running one of his hands under my jacket and down my body. Feeling every curve. My hands on the back of his neck pulled closer. A robotic voice notified us that we were on our floor and Harry pulled away. Staring over me and balancing his forehead on mine. Both of us breathing heavily from the kisses we had just shared. A look appeared on his face and I knew exactly what it meant. A smile started to turn at the corner of his lips.
Harry took my hand from his neck and interlocked out fingers. The elevator doors opened and we made a run for our hotel room. Laughing like little kids who had stayed out later than their 9pm curfew. The key went in and we seeped through the entry way. I threw my purse on the ground and Harry's lips pounced on mine, backing me into the hotel door. I kicked off my heels and Harry did the same with his footwear. My hands went to His shoulders and I pushed off his jacket, it fell to the floor. He did the same with mine, all the while our lips never breaking. Harry lifted me up, my legs hooked around his hips as he carried me to the bed. I pulled at the back of his shirt, kissing his neck. Wanting him more than ever. I was lowered on my back as I started unbuttoning the casual button down he wore so nicely. Our lips wanting more than they could handle. He assisted in the removing in my dress, hovering over me and I giggled as it slipped off. Leaving him with a smile. Harry's hands were warm against my bare skin and they glided with ease. The kisses on my neck left a trail of tingles. "Taylor." He moaned heavily above me as we lay there together on the bed.
"Taylor... Taylor!"
I looked at ed who sat across from me, annoyed. "Oh um..." I started. "Sorry I was kinda um, daydreaming. What were you saying?"
"Something is wrong with you." He said, I wasn't sure if that's what he had been talking about or not.
"I'm fine, really!" I insisted.
Ed shook his head. "Something's up." I took a deep breath. "Are you sick? Nervous for the tour? What's wrong?"
I took a deep breath. "It's Harry. It's his fans. It's Harry and how I'm not with him. It's how everyone is judging us and the one person I want to be with is on a flight to another country." That was the most I had admitted to anyone in a long time.
Ed's eyes went bland as I opened my twitter feed, scrolling through the mentions and showing him. "People actually say these things?" He muttered , sounding disgusted.
I nodded. "I know it shouldn't bother me. And it usually doesn't. But Harry..."
"It's hit you hard, hasn't it?" I swallowed my words and nodded. "What about after breakfast we go shopping. Girls like shopping, right?"
"That's really nice, Ed" I sighed, "but I think my hotel room is where I belong right now."
"You need space and um... This thing?" Ed waved my phone in the air, "you don't need it right now."
I reached out for my phone as he slid it in the pocket of his jeans. "Ed! That's not funny!" Once again, my entire life being ripped from my reach of red painted nails.
"What's his ringer?"
"Excuse me? Ringtone?"
"Yeah, his ringer."
I rolled my eyes. "Hunter Hayes."
"Alright. If it plays Hunter Hayes you can have it."
"And what if I don't wanna go shopping?" I asked, honestly.
"Then we can do something else."
"Like?"
"Jam session? Studio? Goto a museum? I don't really know what girls do when they're sad."
"They sit at home, watch sad movies with their cat and cry." My eyes blinked multiple times as I took a sip of tea the waitress had brought me.
Ed stared at me blankly. "I'd rather go shopping!"
I smiled, "you aren't going to take no for an answer are you?"
"I'm your best friend." He chuckled. "Of course I'm not!"
Ed had a tough time convincing me on anything, but finally I agreed once our food had came. Waffles and whip cream and syrup and strawberries and chocolate. Who doesn't love some good comfort food. After breakfast we met up with Ben. No way I was trusting myself on the bare streets of New York again. I guess sometimes mothers are right. In the car I found my stash of extra makeup and fixed myself up to look presentable. Shopping or not. With a boyfriend who likes to get feisty, you always need a back up. Ed found it strange, but then again he doesn't know what happens behind closed doors.
It was nice to have a friend like Ed. And for him to be there. And it nearly took my mind off of everything. I got some cute cat themed shirts that Ed 'helped' me pick out and a new set of lingerie for whenever I saw Harry again. Ed kept my mind preoccupied and as a girl in breakdown mode it was honestly all I could ask. After shopping we stopped at a Starbucks for coffee and to warm up. When we had our drinks we headed towards a table near the back. "See," Ed started after taking a sip of the peppermint coffee in front of him, "today hasn't been so bad!"
I nodded with a crack of a smiled, blowing the pumpkin spice latte. "So far, so good." I took a sip. Something about pumpkin made everything seem a little happier and warmer.
"So where to after this?" He asked.
I shrugged. "I'm kinda tired. I didn't sleep last night. Maybe we could just go back to the hotel. Not sleep but maybe write some songs. Oh and get Meredith back from moms room that is a must!"
"I'm down for that! Got any songs on the go?"
I shrugged. "Not any in mind. But there is that urge so I'm thinking once I start playing, some lyrics will come."
I took a sip and for some reason the muffled words of "and I don't want good and I don't want good enough, I want can't sleep can't breathe without your love, front porch and one more kiss it doesn't make sense to anybody else. Who cares if you're all I think about I've searched the world and I know now it ain't right if you ain't lost your mind..." Flew through my mind. Something triggers it and our song starts to play. How I wish he would call and say he's okay. I just needed to hear his voice. But it wasn't in my mind and it was my call. "Ed!" I screamed. "Give me my phone! That's Harry!"
Ed looked at me like I may be crazy, I wasn't paying attention to my body language only scrambling for my phone. Finally realizing what I wanted he passed me the Apple device and I ran to the ladies room, tears dwelling in my eyes. "Harry?" I said into the phone, nervously.
"Taylor!" It was him. His accent. His smile. I could feel it even through the distance. Him saying my name. My heart fluttered.
Tears escaped me as I locked the bathroom door. "Babe, I -I" I was at a loss for words.
He laughed. I heard his laugh. "I'm home. I'm okay. Everything is okay."
I took a deep breath and pressed my lips together. "I love you." My words quivered but it was all I really wanted to say. "I love you." I repeated myself.
"Mmmm, I've missed those words." He paused. "I love you more than anything in the entire world."
I wiped my tears and Harry immediately told me not to cry. "What time is it?" I asked, trying not to get too choked up.
"Seven, but I'm not hungry... Or tired."
"Did you sleep on the plane? Was it an okay flight?" I bit my lip, pulling it over my teeth.
"Yeah, wasn't too bad, I slept for an hour or so. But knowing you weren't sleeping and that you were waiting, I couldn't sleep." He laughed a little and I pictured his smiled and his dimples I loved so much.
I smiled and took a deep breath. "You shouldn't let me be the reason you get sleep deprived!" Although, it was heart warming.
"If I can't be with you, it's the least I can do." He paused. "So beautiful, how is your day going?"
I shrugged and hopped up on the countertop of the bathroom. Sure it may have been germy , but in the end who cares? "It's been okay I guess."
"What have you been doing?"
"Well I watched CSI re runs and ummmm, then went to breakfast with Ed and then he made me go shopping."
"Made you?!" Harry started to mock me. "I better kick his ginger ass the next time I see him. Jeez! I can't believe that son of a bitch made you go shopping! That's ridiculous! Your worst nightmare for sure!"
I laughed as did Harry. "Shut up!" Licking my lips, I said this jokingly.
"I just wanted to hear your laugh. It's got to be my favourite sound in the entire world."
I blushed and a tear flew from my eye out of nowhere. My heart sunk. "I miss you..."
Harry didn't let me be sad and drag on. "So what did you buy, shopping?" He asked. I loved that about him.
"Some cat themed shirts and a pair of jeans. A scarf that's really pretty and a new jacket."
"All sound wonderful if you ask me!"
"And uh..." I hesitated but on purpose, "between you and me, there is something you're really gonna like."
Harry smiled, it was like I could feel it. "I like the sound of that!"
"So when is your next day off, I wanna come visit before things get too heavy within tour." I said kicking my feet back and forth.
"Not for..." He paused to check. "Two weeks"
I took a deep breath. "Okay I'm coming."
"You're busy. We both know that."
I licked my lips. He was right, but I had to make it work. "I miss you, okay? A lot. I miss you a lot and I miss your smile and your lips and your kisses and your eyes and those dimples and your hands and your hugs and your voice and I miss your arms around me, telling me that was we have is worth the rude comments from your fans. I miss you." I squeezed my eyes tight not wanting the tears to escape. "I wanna stay up all night doing things that my mother would cringe at the sound of. I want to kiss you until I can kiss no more."
I waited for Harry to say something. Anything. It was a few moments before he said a word. "My home is your home. I want you here just as much as you wanna be here. If you can swing it with your management, I wanna see that sexy ass of yours on a plane to London ASAP." I laughed as tears rolled down my cheeks. "I wanna hold you in my arms and kiss your neck. I want to post photos of myself all over you. I want to flaunt you cause baby, I got you. I want to hold you all hours of the night. There isn't anything that can keep me from loving you."
I took a deep breath. "How'd I get so lucky?" I laughed and removed my tears.
"You? Lucky? Nah, that's me."
I swallowed hard, not wanting to hand up. "We'll FaceTime tonight, right?"
"Yeah, I'll call you, babe."
I licked my lips. "I love you."
"I love you too."
I pulled the phone from my ear and hit the small red telephone. I felt a bit better with reassurance and I left the bathroom with a smile on my face. Ed stood up, putting on his jacket. "Well miss Smiley! Ready to go?"
I nodded. "He's okay. He's home." My jacket went on as well and we started to walk near the entrance.
Ed and I had to walk a bit in order to get back to our car. Eds phone made a beeping Sound. "Whose that?" i asked.
He pulled out his phone. "Looks like Harry just tweeted about you."
"No way!" I pushed Ed, taking his phone and smiling at the little verified symbol. "Happy to be back in London. But what can I say, my heart is in NY." Ed caught me with tears bubbling in my eyes. But these were happy tears. And I had no problem showing them off. I was smiles the entire ride.
We went through the back to avoid media attention and got back to the room. My phone started to blow up with texts and tweets. "What's going on?" Ed asked at my alarmed expression.
I shrugged, "they're coming in so fast I can't ever read them." I opened the first message from my mom. Telling me to stay in my hotel room. Don't leave. I looked at Ed and explained this.
"Weird." Ed laughed.
I checked another message and Ed turned on the TV, turning it to the news.
"Oh my god." Ed and I said in unison.
"Taylor, um, look at the TV." I looked from my own shock of my phone not sure what to think. The news showed lines of screaming ratchet fans outside a hotel. My hotel. But not just any fans. They weren't my fans. They were my boyfriend's. They were directioners.
I took a deep breath showing Ed my phone with a message from Paula, my publicist.
"Taylor, I'm not sue if you are aware, but outside the hotel a mass amount of people have collected themselves in a group. Police are involved but I need you to stay in the hotel room. Don't leave." I thew my phone on the bed and lied down, sighing with confusion. "Why me?" I asked mainly as a rhetorical question but Ed seemed to have an answer.
"Maybe, I don't know this is just a guess but... You're dating their husband?" I opened my eyes to see Ed peaking out the curtains. "At least that's what their posters say."
"How bad is it. I don't want to look. This is the last thing I need." I pulled myself up and sat on my bed, crossed legs.
"Well traffic is starting to pile up if that tells you anything."
I rubbed my eyes. "Why!" I whined. Usually I wasn't immature about this kinda stuff and I usually took it very well. But with everything that had been going on, I believe I deserved to whine. My phone buzzed and something compelled me to pick it up. A text from Harry showed up.
Harry: is everything okay? Are you alright?
I licked my lips and started to respond.
Me: as of right now I am fine. But so you know how much I hate this? Have you seen the news? Your fans are crazy, Harry.
It was a moment before he replied
Harry: I know. I'm so so so, sorry. I love you and it kills me to see you go through this.
I closed my eyes and set my phone down. I just wanted to... Escape. Everytime I find myself in a relationship that's actually going well, something comes and bursts out perfect little bubble. I would do anything to be in London right now from everyone and everything. Even better, Nashville. In my secluded lot where cameras were banned. Where I could make him breakfast and he could snake his arms around my waist. Kissing my neck with those luscious lips of his. I'd do anything to spend the rest of my life with him. Anything.
This stupid little encounter got to me more than it should have. It went on for another hour and a half before even started to get resolved. I turned off all notifications from twitter. I just couldn't handle the harassment. What they would've done if they saw me walk through the front. God forbid with a male friend! The police told me to lay low for a little so Paula canceled every single event I had planned except for the auditions tomorrow. I'd be heading back to Nashville on the Thursday on my private plane. I was so ready to be home and in my own bed. My day was hell and I went to bed early with Meredith in my arms. I didn't talk to anyone, just turned off my phone and slept. Going to my own little world where I could breathe without being judged.
I dreamt of Harry. And relived our first night. The one where we gave each other everything we had. Harry hovered over me as his hand ran down my bare body. His touch gave me butterflies. The beautiful kind. With my hand on the back of his neck I pulled him close. Our lips not even touching. The force pulling us together. "I love you." I whispered, my lips gravitating towards his, finally letting them touch. He dove deeper. His tongue on the edge of my teeth then the roof of my mouth. I smiled as I arched my back, falling into his hold even more. My chest pushed up against his and he pushed me back into the bed and I laughed. Harry pulled away to look me in the eyes. The emeralds he wore fit him perfectly. They sparkled. More beautiful then any firework show. The rain on the window seal matched the pace of my heartbeat. Fast, uncontrollable and eccentric. His lips moved to my neck and I breathed heavily, close to no breath. "You're too good to me." I giggled at the tingling kisses. My hands ran deep through his still damp hair, from when we ran through the rain. As I spun in the rainstorm and he pushed me up against the gate. His hand running over my curves.
I refused to wait for his lips any longer and Moved them back to mine. My lips fell numb. This was the perfect moment. The one we had been waiting for. "Harry..." i whispered, running my hand down his chest.
"Yes?" He looked a little worried.
My teeth fell against my bottom lip and I subconsciously nodded. "I'm ready." A smile seductively came into view and he asked if I was sure. "We're ready. I can feel it. We're going all the way."
Harry slid his hand underneath my back and popped the hook that held my bra. I rolled on top of him as our kisses sped up. "This is fun." I said taking a quick breath for air.
"You got that right." Harry laughed, still kissing me. He pulled my legs closer and we realized our underwear were the last to go. Harry led kisses down my neck and chest as he found my pantie line, waiting for a signal to slide them down. I nodded and he tossed them somewhere in the bedroom. His came off and Harry leaned down on me, stopping all kisses. My heart rate became faster as we stared into each others eyes. We were seriously doing this. We were going all the way. We were actually, for the first time together, doing this. "Are you ready for the best night of your life?" Harry grinned and his dimples came from no where, as he leaned down on me even farther, my hips pressed against his and I felt immediate pleasure. I took both my hands and held his cheeks, pulling his lips to mine with no hesitation. And the rest? That's history.
I woke up to my phone playing the beautiful sounds of Hunter Hayes's voice. As he hit the powerful tones of "it doesn't make sense to anybody else," I slid my phone through the bed sheets and answered the FaceTime. I smiled still half asleep, leaning the phone against a pillow. I hadn't even open my eyes.
"Good morning, beautiful." Harry whispered and I opened my eyes, stretching.
I blushed realizing I looked like a mess. I squeezed the pillow and smiled. "Hey."
"Have a good sleep?" He asked.
I nodded. "It was lovely, thank you."
"You didn't answer my call last night..." He sighed and he almost sounded chocked up.
"I'm sorry. I went in early last night."
"I know. I'm sorry. How bad was it?"
I licked my lips and took a deep breath. "Bad."
"I'm so sorr-"
I cut him off and closed my eyes. "It's not your fault."
"Yeah... But its my fans. I don't know how they don't feel bad about it."
"They think they own you."
He sighed. "But they don't. You do."
I smiled and stared into his eyes through the piece of technology. "13 days!" I laughed and as if on cue Meredith popped up under the covers, cuddling close to me on the pillow.
"13 days and I get to kiss you!" He smiled
"And I you!" Sinking into my pillow I giggled.
"So what's going on today?"
"The auditions for the tour and then I'm going back to Nashville!" I said, rubbing Meredith's head.
"Nashville?! I thought you were gonna be in New York for the week!" He sounded shocked. I sighed and kissed mere's head and she squinted. Licking my lips I looked at him and waited for him to clue in. "God damn!" Harry huffed, "I should've never made us public! That was the worst decision I've ever made."
I took a deep breath. "Look at the upside. We can actually be seen in public together. Like that was one of the best New Year's Eves I've ever had. Well... Until you left."
"You know if I could have stayed I would but I have all these damn appearances with the band."
"Don't beat yourself up over it." I insisted at my brown shaggy haired boy. "I should probably get ready." I sighed and sat up, sliding down the covers and stretching.
"Damn!" Harry laughed so I shot a look at him. "You're so fucking sexy!"
I felt my face turn eighty shades of red. "Thanks?" I looked down at my bra and shorts.
He chuckled. "What are you going to wear?"
I shrugged, "still have to figure that out." I stood up, "I'll be right back." Standing, I stood in the closet looking through my options. I pulled on some jeans and loose top. Pulling my hair into a high ponytail, I say back on the bed and Harry smiled. "Beautiful!" He insisted. "Just like always!"
I felt my cheeks heat up with a strong blush. "Thank you, babe."
"Alright. I guess I'll let you go to work." He sighed.
I smiled, "I love you."
"I love you too."
I blew a kiss and Harry caught it, placing his hand to his heart and I ended the FaceTime. Making me feel somewhat fulfilled but just as empty if not more. I made my way with Ben at my side to the back door entrance. I slid myself into the black vehicle and sat with my head down and my cat in my purse. "You miss Harry too, don'tcha?" I asked the fur ball in my bag. She meowed and I kissed her head.
We arrived at the venue and I sat behind a white table and Meredith was curled up at my feet. My tour manager, Keira sat on one side, and the other sat my mother. One by one, dancers came and left. Amazing me in every way. I could tell it was going to be difficult to choose just twenty. Each dancer was so talented in their own unique way. A handsome young man walked in and he had a lovely smile. "Hello! I'm Mason! It's lovely to meet you today!" He said, with that welcoming smile.
"Awe, that's sweet. It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Taylor."
He laughed, "oh Miss Swift I know! It's actually a shock I'm standing in front of you right now."
"You're too sweet! You may start whenever you're ready."
Mason started to dance and he mesmerized me. The way he moved was lovely. And when it finished I looked at my marking sheet. Mason left the room and we pulled him through to the next round. I don't know why I liked him to be honest. I think it was because he reminded me of Harry. His smile. His dimples.
For the next round, we stood at the side, watching choreography that might be used in the tour. "I think couple number 3 work really well together." I whispered to a tall, muscular guy and a red head.
"That's... lockheart and Leah." Keira said checking her papers. "They used to dance together with Katy Perry."
I nodded looking around examining the rest of them. "Couple 7."
"That's Clairce and Teaok."
I licked my lips. "Can we switch the boy in Couple 1 with Mason." She nodded and Keria told the choreographer. They switched and she walked back. "Okay I like Couple 1 now."
"That's Mason and Caitlyn."
We used this method until we had a solid group of 14 members. I was happy with who I picked. All crazy talented people and I knew I'd have quite the challenge keeping up. We all went out for dinner to get to know each other. I knew we'd all be the closest of friends. A midnight flight to Nashville resolved in a three am phone call to my love ending with silent 'I miss you.' and plenty of Tears. I couldn't let him know that I cried myself to sleep.