Take me back

2.

Dan insisted I slept in his bed, next to him but I just couldn't. I was only going to mess things up again, so why lead him on?

I may have cheated on the past but right now, I don't want to trick him into falling in love with me.

And anyway, I was due to leave in a week to go back to my parent's house, there would be no point.

I rest my head on the back of the sofa, sleepiness overtaking me. The kids were sleeping soundly in their beds and me and Dan were watching Game of Thrones.
I could see him falling asleep, his eyes flickering open once in a while.

I smiled to myself, we didn't have to be a couple, this was good enough for me, just to be in his presence, just to look at him,

"What are you staring at?" He says quietly, his eyes still closed.

I blush and look at the screen, swiftly averting my eyes away from my ex.
"S-sorry..." I say, lost for an excuse "I...uhm.."

Dan chuckles "Don't worry about it, I'm not judging you."

I breathe a little sigh of relief. "You should go to sleep"

"Then so should you. I want to have a nice day out with all of us tomorrow." He says, opening his eyes and looking at me.

"Oh cool! I've missed this place actually." I say sadly

He smiles weakly "Is that the only thing you've missed?"

I blush lightly, tongue-tied again.
"Well...I..." I trail off. I had never been good at admitting my emotions.

He gets up and turns the TV off.
"Final offer, are you sleeping in my bed or are you gonna stay here?"

I can't help but smile "I'll go in with you."

He rolls his eyes but smiles "Indecisive, huh?"

Too right. Even with boyfriends I was indecisive.

"Hey, does Kiko still talk to you?" I ask

"Yeah. We talk all the time, sometimes she babysits the kids for me. They can be too much to handle sometimes" he laughs

I immediately felt bad for leaving him as a single parent.
"I can take them back with me if they're running you down?"

"No it's fine. I don't know what I would do without those rascals." Dan yawns and goes out of the room, leaving me there in the dark
"You coming or what?"

"Yeah sure. I'm just thinking."

"About what?"

"Everything and nothing at the same time." I look down at the floor

"Talk to me if you need me. I'm always here" and he goes into the bathroom.

----
I wake up later that night to find Dan gone from the bed.
Trying not to wake the whole house up, I go to look for him.

"Dan?" I whisper into the darkness and then listen out for a reply. Nope. Nothing.

I walk further down the hall only to hear heavy sobbing coming from the kitchen. I recognised the crying as Dan's and I immediately run to the kitchen.

I don't switch on the lights as I didn't want the sudden light to be shock to me or Dan.

I could see his shape, darker than our shadowy kitchen. He was hunched over, sat on the floor, his head in his hands. I walk over and put my hands on his shoulders carefully.

"Hey come on now, what's the matter, try and calm down" I say softly "I'm here, don't worry"

His breathing is fast and his body is shaking. I hate to see him like this. I sit down next to him and out my arm round him gently, reassuringly.

He nestles up to me, not saying anything but silently sobbing. I gently lower him onto my lap and play with his hair, trying to make him feel relaxed. Dan wasn't one for showing a lot of emotion and he probably felt embarrassed. I didn't mind though, he was going through a hard time.

"What's troubling you, hm?" I whisper, leaning down to his face slightly.

"Just cuddle me Phil, I don't want to talk about it." He says shakily.

I oblige, holding him in my arms and stroking his head and his cheek. I didn't say anything as I wanted Dan to calm down as soon as possible and also because I wanted this to last forever. I wanted to be able to cuddle him, but only platonically.

But I could tell you, the thing that troubled him the most was me.

I was the problem.