I am now bound to write in this god-forsaken thing. I am not sure what I'm supposed to write. It feels too much like a little girl's diary. Am I supposed to talk about my embarrassing crush or my horrible home room teacher? This is absurd, but this is what they called for, right?
The dream hasn't changed. It is still the same. The odd man standing in the shadows, speaking my name in a growl. His voice always startles me awake. As vague as it is, it feels like Deja Vu. I cannot place what it is about it, but something feels so.....familiar.
I've had it for as long as I can remember. No matter how many doctors and counselors I see, it haunts me throughout the day. No matter how many medications I take, I still live with the constant fear of blacking out. No doctor has been able to pinpoint the problem. I am their lab rat. I am their charity case.
I don't think it will ever get better. Everyone tells me differently. No room for negativity. But I know the harsh reality. I am constantly reminded of it. Some days, I feel myself cut from reality. I feel myself drifting into a world where I don't exist. And it scares me how much I yearn for that world.
She slammed the journal shut, wanting to distance herself from her haunting dream. She had had enough of thinking about it. It frightened her. It could also cause another seizure. She doesn't know for sure, but every time she tries to think deep into her mind about the dream, she is thrown into blackness. Which caused her to believe that, someone was doing this to her. She didn't know who or why but she knew it was someone causing this sicked and twisted thing to happen to her. She just wished that person would take pity and leave her alone. Maybe she could live a normal life then.
She got up from her desk and briskly brought herself to her little kitchen. She was glad for the soothing feeling coffee gave her. Coffee, among other things, were the only thing that kept her from complete insanity. It also was a big help to the groggy morning she always woke up to after the dream. She could still hear that deep, accented voice whisper her name.
"Cordelia."
She could see goosebumps forming up and down her arms. Her spine tingled a bit. The only thing that creeped her out more than the feel of the dream, was the familiarity of that voice. She felt somewhere deep inside her that she knew that voice. That she had heard it a million times before, but it wasn't possible. Plus, why would someone she know invade her dreams? How could they? She didn't have any male friends. She didn't have anybody.
She took a long sip of her coffee. The taste seemed to wash away her jumbled thoughts. She needed to gain control of her thinking. She didn't need to overwhelm herself. She took deep breaths.
The sun was high in the sky, letting Cordelia know it was sometime in the afternoon. She didn't know why she bothered with keeping track of the time. Time was useless to her. Time meant nothing. If she could chuck her phone into the nearest pond, she would. Sadly, she needed it for her job and her family.....and her doctor....and her therapist.
She placed a hand on her head, trying to soothe it. She could already feel a headache coming on. Anymore of this will drive her insane. She needed to do something. What day was it?
She dragged her feet back to her room. She snatched her phone from the nightstand and checked the date. Sunday, December 19. Nobody would be up for taking a Sunday stroll would they? She chuckled humorlessly to herself as she slipped a jacket on. Maybe a stroll would clear her head. Yes, that's what she needed.
It was cool, despite the blazing sun in the distance. Cordelia supposed she should've been used to it. This was how it was down in the South. Weather was unpredictable. She loved it though. She felt like she connected with the weather in that aspect. She was a bit unpredictable.
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Man Clad in Green
FanfictionHow did I get to this miserable point in my life? Well, it all started with the man clad in green.