Dear Diary ,
I'm tired .
I'm scorn .. The stains of my pillow aren't from good night sleeps but from restless nights crying rivers & streams .
Deep down inside I know who I am, I know the light I possess but I live in dismal surroundings .. Dust and wicked heartache clouds my vision ..I'm waking through a tunnel of unknown creatures , blind .
Deep down a part of me wishes to submerge into the negativity ..I can't do that
I can't become what they keep pressing on me .. Yes diamonds shine with pressure but I'd be a dull one to give in to them.
Today my man doesn't know what he wants .. I'm the burden he's trying to carry and the blessing he's blind too . I'm the pestering net in the air , the rechargeable batteries to his love machine ..
I care but I'm tired ..
My heart has grown weary but I'll keep trying .
It hurts that deep down he can't just tell me he doesn't want this .. It hurts even more that he doesn't want this
What am I too do ? My silent cries inside fight wars with my heavenly light , demons cast spells that my aura continues to refract ..
Deep down .. way down ,
Low ..crawling between the floor boards and the atoms in the air ..is me
I'm the one who smiles in front of pitch forks and deadly trip wires , I'm the one whose teeth always end up on the ground saving others ..
My man deep down doesn't want me , he doesn't need me ..but I need him and that's the sad part about this ... He makes a sunrise seem like a supernova
He makes laughing seem like sounds of joyous endeavors , he makes my heart easy ..he makes me whole
All I am to him is a healer , I know he won't ever let me do that .. But on my next try the resume will say "attempted " ..
He will never know these things , he will never read this & he will never understand how it feels to want to love someone who is hurting but they won't allow you to .. He will never know how it feels to love someone who doesn't love you as much as you love them ..
Deep down , I'm tired
Tired but I'm still here ..
