Love & Misfortune

Growing up as a child

                It was October 4, 1999 around 12:00 when the doctors where just taking there lunch break. I wasn't there for my own birth obviously, but this is a story that I've heard thousands of times from my parents. I would always remember my dad saying "the doctor said she would take a lunch break and when she would come back that our baby will be ready to come." My mom on the other hand was not to fond of that day, she would always make jokes of how "She really hated that I was born on a Monday because I just ruined her whole week" and "I was the biggest baby out of my 3 siblings". I used to hate when she would say that cause she would always point at her stretch marks and blame them on me, as if I wanted to ruin her body on purpose.

             In the beginning it was just me, my older sister that everyone seemed to be madly in love with and my parents.Then a few years later my parents had my younger sister, it took me time to adjust to her but never really pay much attention to her.  My older sister Valerie was everyone's favorite because she was talented, smart, and always knew how to get along with others, my little sister Anastasia was just a little cutie pie. As everyone always said and well me on the other hand I wasn't really great at doing anything, the only thing I was really good at was being yelled at. It always sucked being the middle child because I would get the short end of the stick. For the first two years of my life I lived with my mom and dad, then my grandmother decided to put me and my sisters in school. In order for us to go we had to live with my grandparents. Now I know everyone thinks that living with them would be like living in paradise, but let me tell you it was like living in HELL!  When my younger sister was born she immediately lived with my grandparents afterwards and always knew how to get me in trouble.

             One thing about my grandma was that it was either her way or the highway and if you didn't like that well she would beat the shit out of you. She would hit me when I got bad grades because we made her look stupid as if we weren't learning anything and would just slap me out of nowhere because I looked like my dad. My grandma never liked my parents, not even her own son, because they knew how to prove her wrong and she didn't like that. So me just looking like them made her furious, which meant to her I was just a mistake that was never going to amount to anything in life. You know and me being so young, I didn't really know why I was being abused, let alone know what the word meant. The only sad thing about it was I was just a little girl already wishing I was grown enough to leave and never look back. I would always have these dreams of me telling my grandma to "fuck off and go screw yourself" and pull out of the drive way with my husband and kids in the car. Just knowing that I would one day get married and be happy was enough for me to get through all the bullshit that was happening. This made me strong though, this made me want to have high goals set for myself and prove everyone that would doubt me wrong.