Oh great,my step dad came home drunk again. I run to my room so he doesn't hurt me. He starts to yell my name. I am still hiding,hoping he doesn't find me. He goes to his room and closes his door. I make a run for it but he grabs me. I start to yell for help and cry trying to fight back. He covers my mouth. I bit his hand and he throws me to the floor and beats me. I lay on the floor weak. All I could do is cry. Then he lifts me up and takes me to his room. "Nooo! Please! I'll do anything but this!!" I screamed at him hoping he wouldn't rape me again. It's too late,he raped me. He puts his clothes on to go with a friend while I sit on the bed covering my body and crying quietly. He's locking me in my room so I can't run away and locks my window. I've tried to escape so many times but they all failed. He would always find me. I had no where to go because he would never let me talk to my moms side of the family. Ever since my mother died I've been lonely,sad,afraid,and weak. When she was alive none of this happened. She would always be there for me and she always told me to tell her if an older guy was trying to rape me. She would tell me to run to the closet family members house on her side. Days after her death he's been like this. Drinking to ease the pain and doing drugs so he can forget about it. I can tell he's hurt but it doesn't mean he could do that stuff to me. When I'm in my room I do a little cleaning because my closet was a little dirty and I wanted to see if I could find anything cool. As I was cleaning I found a dress that my mom made for me when it was my 5th birthday and a picture of us on christmas by the big bright tree. I just cried wishing she was alive. She would have stopped all this and saved me. She would have hugged me and tell me that 'everything's gonna be okay,I'm here.' When I was done I saw something shiny on my floor.i picked it up,it was a razor. 'Im sorry!' I told myself looking up at the sky thinking of my mother. I cut myself. I was bleeding so much there was blood starting to drip on the floor. I became worried because my stepfather would beat me especially since I'm locked in my room and don't have anything to clean this. At that time I didn't really because it was gonna happen anyways. I cried and cried wishing I was dead. I walked up to the mirror hating my reflection. My eyes were red and my make up was smeared. "You dirty hoe! You slut! You know you want it! Kill yourself you worthless piece of shit!Why are you seducing him?" I was thinking when I looked at myself in the mirror. I could see a tear rolling down my cheek. I am so weak,stupid,ugly,a whore,and a slut. I needed to kill myself. I went to sleep and woke up by yells. He tells me to go in the living room to welcome his friend and make them something to eat. I walk out with a sweater to cover up what I did. He smiles at me and I do the same. I make the some eggs. As I am putting the eggs on my stepdads friend I lip sink the words 'help me!' He understood and asks "do you mind if I talk your step daughter out to go shopping?" I become anxious of what my father will say but he responds with yes. I smile anxious for tomorrow. I wake up and I can't stop smiling. It's noon and he's here he takes me to the mall. He pays for my clothes but I feel bad that I'm spending his money so I ask if I can repay him in any and he tells me to tell the cops about what's been happening and for me to come live with him. I don't respond because I'm worried what my stepdad will do if he found out and gets out of jail. He will probably murder me. "Once I'm ready,I want you to take me to take me to the police department an don't let me look back." I respond with sweaty hands but manage to smile. After three or fours hours at the mall he takes me home. He hugs me before we get in the car and tells me everything will be okay and I can call and talk to him when something happens. When he hugged me I had a warm feeling. He smelled so good I just didn't want to let go. I wanted to kiss him but I knew it would be wrong. He was much younger than my stepdad he looked about 19/20 and my stepdad was in his mid forties. I felt like I was in love with him. Hearing his voice,seeing his smile,hearing his laugh,and feeling his hugs they would make me smile and feel like everything bad has stopped. We got in the car and in 10-15 mins. I got I home. I thanked Noel and got out of the car. I stood in front of the car thinking about what would happen if I went inside. I finally went inside and ran to the room. I dropped all the bags of the things I've bought. "Jazzie! What did you guys do? What did you guys talk about? Did you tell him anything I should know?!" Asked my stepdad. "We just looked around,we didn't really talk just that time he asked me if I wanted to eat something,no not really." I responded nervously. I walked to my room to go to sleep. He left to go drink and left me locked in the room. It was different this time. He brought a girl named Chloe. She was really pretty. She had pretty black curly hair and a great smile. The only problem was that she dressed like a prostitute standing at a corner. She was so pretty but why would she disrespect herself like that. After a month of seeing each other they started dating. I haven't been getting beaten or raped. When she started living with us I asked her why she slept with so many men. She told me that she was raped by her father and her mom didn't care about her and left her to live with her father. We cried during some of it because I knew what she was going through but I didn't want to tell her. She said she had lost control so she just kept doing it because its not like she would ever have that control back. After five months of them dating she breaks up with him. I get sad that she's leaving and drop a tear. I think of what happens next. He beats me even worse. He grabs whatever he sees and hits me with it till I bleed. I cry and start cutting more and more. I still see Noel but I can't inform about anything because I don't have a phone to call him with. The beatings happen everyday of the week. On Saturday I get to hangout with Noel again. I tell him what has been happening. He tries hard not to cry but he does anyway. I tell no to take me yet and he needs to continue to be dads friend. He cannot act suspicious or angry towards him,he had to act normal. When me and Noel hangout we talk,make each other laugh,and just do anything fun together. We hug a lot sometimes,I consider it normal so does he. What isn't normal about this time is that he kisses me. I couldn't stop smiling. I had butterflies in my stomach. I was so happy at that moment. When we stopped he smiled and apologized but I told him it was fine. "I really like you. I'm sorry for that." He tells me. "No,it's fine really you don't need to apologize. I liked it." I started blushing then he did. We hold hands. I get sad because its time to go home. He hugs me and waits to leave until I'm inside. He leaves I become sad but I can't stop smiling about the kiss he gave me. His lips were so soft and warm. I went to sleep smiling. It's weird because my stepdad isn't home. "Where'd he go?" I ask myself. It was strange he's usually here drunk on the couch. I leave to go look out the window. It's about 7:45 and I see kids going to school. I wanted to go to school with everyone else and have friends that I could talk to. Someone kicking the door. I panic. I see who it is and it's my stepfather. He comes in yelling and beats me. I kick him in the balls and make a run for it. I could see that my hands have blood all over them from the bloody nose he gave me. I couldn't really run as fast because of all the bruises he gave me,I felt so weak. I finally reached Noel's house started knocking on the door really hard. He opens the door and holds me. "It's time to call the cops!" He tells me as he's crying. "Okay,do it." I tell him. I felt like I couldn't move. I think I was loosing so much blood I felt like I was gonna faint. He wraps his arms around me and just tries to comfort me as much as he can. "I love you." I tell him when he's trying to help stop the bleeding and hugging me. "I love you too." He tells me struggling to get the words out of his mouth while crying. I could tell he was worried. He couldn't stop crying and worried if I was gonna stay alive. The cops come knocking at the door. Noel opens and tells them the address. They call an ambulance to see if I'm gonna be okay. At that moment I just fell to the floor. When I woke up I was in a hospital bed with Noel crying by my side. I began to cry seeing him crying was too much to keep inside. "They put him in jail! You can move in with me! Everything's gonna be okay!" He sounded so exited and happy that we can be together. I was also happy but I was in too much pain. My legs,stomach,and arms had bruises and cuts. "When did you start cutting?" He asked while looking at the scars on my arms. "After my stepfather raped me and locked me in my room." I told him. The doctors came in and told me I might not survive because of all the blood I've been losing. They said they will try their hardest to keep me alive. I smile with a little hope that I will be fine and living a happy life with Noel. It's been hours the doctors kept coming in and out. I was so tired I mostly slept happy with Noel by my side. The next day isn't so great. I am starting to turn pale and Noel starts to worry even more. While I was sleeping I could see my mother running up to me hugging and kissing me. I am starting to lose air. In my sleep I drop a tear. I am slowly dying. I can't breathe as much and I can't mange to stay alive. "Jazzie!!" Noel cries. "Please stay with me!! Jazzie!" He yells trying to wake me up. "I..I love you!" I tell him as I am slowly dying. He can't stop crying I could hear him telling me that he loves me and that he will keep me happy if live. It's 10:17 in the morning all the doctors come running to my room trying to keep me alive. Noel is told to leave the room and cries even more and starts to punch the walls. At 10:26 I see my mother again she is telling me to follow her. She's glowing with wings on her. I look back and see that I have them too. I become sad because I don't see Noel and start to cry because I know I'm dead. I'm no longer with him. I can hear something it's Noel crying again. I open my eyes and scream his name. He runs up to me and hugs me. It only lasted for 10 mins. Then I saw my mother again but this time I couldn't hear Noel. All I could see was my mom. I died at 11:19 at the hospital. Noel was with me after two weeks because he told me that he committed suicide. We lived a happy life with my mother. I no longer lived in pain...
