The Rules of Living With the Marauders

October 31st, 1981

"So, Prongsy, who's coming to the party tonight?" Sirius was hanging upside down over the back of the couch, dangling a stuffed rabbit in baby Harry's face.

"We're not having a party, dumbass. It'll bother Harry. And we're in hiding."

"James! Don't swear near the baby!" Lily smacked him over the head with a newspaper. James just laughed and messed up his hair.

"You've got to be kidding me. It's a fuckin' tradition! And Bambi won't mind, right buddy?" Sirius sat up properly, grabbed Harry from the floor, took his chin and shook his head "no" gently. Harry laughed. Remus threw a pillow at Sirius from across the room. Unfortunately, he was a notoriously bad shot, and the baby received the brunt of the impact. He stopped laughing, lip quivering, and was about to yell when Sirius flipped him upside down and tickled him.

"Mr. Moony, that was absolutely uncalled for. I believe you're forgetting rule 53: Don't throw things at the baby. And I thought that one was a given."

"James, that rule wouldn't exist if it was a given." Lily said.

All the rules had been made after a mistake. They had started off simple: Don't leave dishes in the sink. Wands don't belong on the coffee table. Books were for reading, not for enchanting into glitter bombs. (Remus still found sparkles in his hair sometimes.) Then it was Help Lily with the groceries. Excuse the obsessive child-proofing. Don't ask daily if the child can be named after you. ("Sirius Orion Potter has a nice ring to it, really!" "If you like James' name so much, you should have married him instead.") Then Harry came, and more rules were added. If a new rule was needed, someone would write it on a list on the refrigerator. Sometimes they would have to be altered after they were written, ("Remus Lupin is the lord of this household and all must obey him, even and especially Sirius" didn't last long) but generally it was a good system. Peter still apologized for the even that lead to the creation of rule 53. It had never occurred to him that throwing a sippy cup at a six month old might not end well.

"I was enforcing rule 67! No swearing near Harry!"

"Oh, of course. Well, Sirius, he's got a point." Lily was advancing with her newspaper.

"I calmed him down, didn't I? And besides, it's not like he can speak yet. As soon as he starts parroting, I'll mind my language. No! Wait! Not the–OW!" Remus and James were laughing as Lily attacked Sirius with the rolled up Prophet. Harry looked confused. Still sitting on Padfoot's knee, he was getting jostled by his adoptive uncle's attempts to avoid the flying paper. Just as he was about to fall, Remus swooped in and grabbed him. Rule 48: Don't drop the baby.

"Lily, I think you're being a bit hard on him. You'll kill his few remaining brain cells. Also, may I count this as endangerment of the child? Unnecessary hair-messing? You've broken too few rules lately."

"I get your point, Moony, but this may be his last punishment as a 21 year old. Gotta make it count!" With this statement, Sirius yelped, turned into a dog, and ran to hide in the corner.

"You think he can make it three days without breaking a rule? You have so much faith in him, Lil." James took the newspaper and kissed her cheek. Remus sat Harry on the rug and returned to his chair. Padfoot sulked in the corner for a moment, then sat on Remus' feet and stuck his tail in Harry's face.

"Anyway, yeah, Padfoot, no party this year. It'll be too loud for Bambi. And who'd come, anyway? The Order's so busy, and has anyone even heard from Peter this week? I swear, for our best friend he's awfully absent. Also, you have to go somewhere else. Not the couch. And, y'know, HIDING! You're not even supposed to be here, mate."