The dwarf, whose name was Ontig, produced a crossbow from thin air and shot the trotting he-witch through the shoulder. Wait--what? Let's back up.
Cackling, trotting along with a broom between his legs, Bromigula the He-witch espied the dwarf and reckoned the young warrior anything but perilous. Our he-witch continued to laugh and advance.
"Glad to see you again," Bromigula said. "The first guest ever to visit the new kingdom of Bromigulon has returned."
You know how dwarves look: and this one was mostly pretty typical. He had the long beard of coarse, crinkly hair. The beard and hair are red. He had the whole hallowed heritage aura about him, perhaps thanks to how he looked but perhaps there was more to it. You know, he's got that whole "my grandfather was steeped in iron lore" sort of vibe.
But like I said: Ontig produced a crossbow from thin air and shot the trotting he-witch through the shoulder.
Bromigula wailed. The air was filled not with the shrill shriek that one might expect upon the puncturing of a witch. Rather, the sound was gurgly, a moan coated with throat slime, as if the screamer had a cold. The sound was mournful as it was bloodcurdling or anything like that. Bromigula went down to his knees, staring not at the feathers of the bolt that protruded from his chest, but straight ahead. He stared straight ahead and
"Aweeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhh!"
(The exclamation point represents a minute burp.)
The world--this world, Durne--is charged with unpredictable magic. So tweet that around your cloud.
Bromigula had just finished fighting boldly to establish his country of Bromigulon. The first time the dwarf came, he brought grand words from afar (which are to be the subject of a different episode). Upon returning he shot the monarch. How can this be? wondered the he-witch.
"Why did you SHOOT me?" said Bromigula to Ontig.
[And the reader wonders "why DID the erstwhile nice-enough seeming dwarf shoot the he witch? FIND OUT NEXT EPISODE, DEAR READER!]
The hero gets shot at the beginning of the story--what? Surely you can't mean that for real. But I do. That's the kind of tales these are gonna be, folks. Robert Davidson unchained is a hell of a writer.
FUNNY FANTASY FICTION. Swords sorcery dwarves elves gnomes dragons DRAGONS gold treasure halflings HUMOR trolls warlocks chain mail fun. . . .
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Bromigula the He Witch
FantasyWhat the fuck is a he-witch? Is it enough to say it's the guy who's on his way to buy back the family tentacle? Yes, I said family tentacle. This fantasy series takes genre fantasy for a humorous turn as it answers the question "What does it mean to...
