Just johndave story's I'm not sorry

Slow down

It's hard for you to say you love him
Because you know he'll never love you back. You guess that's what hurts the most.
Or maybe what hurts the most is that he's been hanging out with this bitch of a girl lately and you've become second best to him, or maybe it's because when ever you go to hang with him, she's there attached to his arm and kissing all over his face because she knows, and you know she knows and it seems everyone but him knows. Or maybe it's the fact that you can't get over him.
Yeah
Yeah that's probably what hurts the most. You tried of course, but it just doesn't change how you feel. You dated this blind girl for about a month but she dumped you for some druggy who was obviously bad knews but your not one to judge, not with the sack of shit you fell for. You tried dating this loud obnoxious guy too, and that lasted longer but he saw how you still looked at John even after four months of being with him and he decided that you couldn't get over him so he dumped you. You two still talk and hang out a lot but you're probably never going to get back with him. You stopped trying to date after that.
He was still with the bitch after all this time even though your positive she's cheating on him with this guy with a Mohawk, he doesn't notice though just think she's being friendly with Mohawk.
You tell this to mck'shouts a lot and he thinks you should tell him because even if he doesn't believe you at least you won't feel guilty.
You never do tell him though.

You move on with your life though, barely passing classes, barely passing high school, barely graduated high school, barely made it into the college you wanted and just barely became johns roommate at college (probably the only reason you went to college but you'd never tell anyone that not even rose.), yet you still can't get over the fucking idiot. Sigh. He was still with that bitch of a chick too after all this time and you still stayed by his side and she's still a cheating sack of shit and you still don't tell him. Maybe you hope he'll gain some common sense or something? Doubtful but hopeful. You don't have time to be worrying about this you have shit to do. You shove away your love life problems and get working on your exam papers.

He finally broke up with her. Your kinda really happy but you hide those feelings and instead comfort the poor idiot in your arms. He caught them in the act two days ago and after a stupid argument broke up with her and shoved her naked ass out of the building. Yes naked. It was kinda hysterical like the angry girlfriend throwing the cheating husbands clothes out of the window and shit. But in the opposite sense in this case. He's been pretty upset, mostly angry and hasn't shed a tear. That kind of worried you because they've been together for about four or five years and with that much commitment you'd think he'd at least give a hateful tear towards that. But nope. He just looks pissed. You stay by his side, missing classes,canceling plans, only leaving the house to grab something for you two to eat. That seems like the only thing he's comfortable doing lately. He won't talk to you about anything and that's kind of pissing you off, you've been asking rose and jade if he's said anything but they tell you no with a quick sorry added on every time. Your not sure why they bother to apologize. It's not there faults johns a shut in with his emotions. Your siting with him on the couch eating a slice of pizza when he throws up on the rug behind the couch. You stand up almost instantly, rubbing his back before grabbing a mop and a trashcan and towels, letting out a more then exhausted sigh. He tells you as you start cleaning that he had started drinking. You stare at him and he takes it as que to continue, saying he drank when ever you left to get food, started the first day you left. You cuss under your breath because that gave him three chances to drink when you leave because you always leave to get breakfast,lunch, and dinner. You ask him how much he drank today and he holds up seven fingers, then points to the closet where he shoves his dirty clothes. You open it and see multiple different alcohol bottles spill out.
You call rose even through his begging words asking you not too.

It's been two months since you found out that John was drinking and rose has been taking him to rehab every Thursday. The class was actually ran by roses sister Roxy who at one point also had a drinking problem (as did rose but they both got help, rose from a supportive girlfriend and roxy so that she didn't lose her friends). John refuses to talk to you and only agreed to go because rose was taking him. You both started going back to classes atleast and you only see him when he gets back from classes, well until he locks himself in his bedroom (when ever he leaves with rose you go into his room and make sure he doesn't have any alcohol or something he could hurt himself with). He still refuses to talk to anyone about his break up and your getting fed up with all of this shit. Your not the most patient person in the world so of course your not to happy when he refuses to speak to you about something like this. You try to get something out of him but are unable to. Sigh. Why does he have to be so stubborn? Though you guess it's your fault, he probably thinks he can't trust you now. Good going you dumb fuck. But you had to, you care about him and getting the silent treatment is 100% better then him getting wasted and potentially doing something that gets him killed. Though you kid of wish he'd stop the silent treatment and understand that you did this because I wanted to protect him. What a dumb ass. All these years and it still feels like your both on two different pages. You'd do anything for him, and he doesn't see that, he doest want to see that because you think that if he does realize how much you care about him that he'll have to acknowledge that you love him too.

Its two in the morning and there's a thunderstorm outside but that doesn't compare to how loud your both yelling. It's your fault really. You kept pushing and pushing, trying to gouge a reaction from him, trying  to get him to speak to you, trying desperately for him to confide in you. It of course backfired on you, but hey at least he's talking. You have always Known that he hates being questioned repeatedly about things he didn't want to talk about and it would cause him to try and stay far away from the one asking questions. But that didn't stop you. You knew he'd try and leave the room, to leave you. But that didn't stop you either. What did stop you is when, after all the useless screaming of "tell me!" And "I can't!" He finally did tell you something. He screamed that he was scared. He screamed that he knew what she was doing but he couldn't leave. He screamed that she hit him and caused him so much pain. He screamed that he left her finally because he knew he'd be safe because you were still here right? So all the things about how no one could ever love him like she did or that she was the only one who would ever be around couldn't be true right? Because you never left him.  Everything is quiet for a moment. Then your bringing him into your arms and he's sobbing into your jacket, leaving tear stains and snot, and you couldn't care less because he was hurting and he didn't tell you and God you should have known,should have seen the bruises and known, should have known he would ditch you just because she had said to, that there had to be more reasons to it, you should have known. But he doesn't care and he thanks you for staying in between his sobs. You tell him you would never leave him because you loved him. And then everything stops again and his sobbing has subsided for a moment and your heart is frozen. Suddenly you feel snot covered lips on Yours and it's the best kiss you've ever had.

It's three years later, finally graduated college, finally told John the truth, finally found out the truth, finally finally finally finally. You are holding your boyfriends hand and he's clutching yours and you have never been more happy. He's going through recovery still, he still gets scared of what may happen, he still hates spiders, he still tears up if someone raises their hand to fast. And your there for him and you love him and he loves you and you wish that you had told him sooner. You wish karkat wasn't so smug about being right. You wish rose wasn't winking at you in the corner of your eyes, you wish John would just kiss you.and he does. And everything's okay.

//I REALLY DIDNT KNOW HOW TO END THIS ONE? BUT NOT TO WORRY I SHALL BE POSTING SMUT SOON! Save me