False Starts

Chapter 7

DOWNSTAIRS, Ryan seemed to be his normal party boy self. He laughed loudly and bounced around, teased all the girls and posed for photographs. Abbie just watched him, a smile on her face. Ryan and his boundless energy. She couldn’t help thinking that tapering was going to be a problem for him. She managed to rein him in, finally getting a picture of all the Gators doing the Gator chomp. Soon after that, Elizabeth, Conor and Dana were saying their goodbyes.

      They left to cheers and applause, but the party didn’t really seem to be winding down at all. It was Friday night after all, and summer break was upon the college town of Gainesville. With the team members gone, though, the partygoers soon petered out, some going home, the others looking for other places to go wild.

      Ade and Carly had escaped to their rooms sometime around midnight. Ryan stayed until the last person left. Now, he was sitting in one of the lawn chairs in the backyard. 

      Abbie watched him from the backdoor, knowing that moments like these were so rare for Ryan, moments when he could be alone and just be himself. As much as she didn’t want to disturb him, she had to get him home so he wouldn’t be a zombie the next day. With a sigh, Abbie pushed open the door and walked out to him. “Hey, Reezy, don’t you think you ought to be at home getting some rest?” she asked, ruffling his hair as she passed to sit in the other chair.

      Ryan looked up at her and smiled. “Are you trying to get rid of me?” he joked. 

      “I’m just saying,” Abbie replied, making a face at him. “You’re leaving tomorrow and despite the fact that you have not been drinking, you’ve been up since early this morning. You can’t be too tired when you get to training camp.”

      Ryan snorted and said, “I’m sorry, ‘coach’. I’ll be off in a bit. I was going to help you with initial clean up but if you want me to go home…” He trailed off and gave her a smartass smile.

      “Ha!” Abbie guffawed. “Come on, Olympian, put your money where your grills are.” Grabbing his hand, she yanked him off the chair and started to drag him inside. Ryan planted his feet firmly on the ground, and tugged her back to him. “What the shit, Ry!” she yelped, falling back against Ryan’s chest.

      “I wish you were coming with me,” he said suddenly, his arms wrapped around her waist, his chin on her head. “To Tennessee, to France, to London. I wish you would always be with me.”

      Gently, Abbie pulled back from Ryan, her hands against his chest. “What is up with you lately?” she asked, looking up at him. It worried her when he acted like this, because he was rarely ever as serious as he was being now. “The way you talk, it’s like we’ve never been apart before. Tell me what’s different this time.”

      For a few minutes, Ryan didn’t say anything. Abbie searched his eyes, the colour of a clear blue sky, with a little bit of brown in the left one. There was something happening behind those eyes and she wasn’t quite sure what it was.

      “I guess,” Ryan breathed, “I just realised how much I want you to be with me. So I can make you happy.”

Abbie was about to say something, but before she could even open her mouth, Ryan had covered it with his own. She could do little more than gasp in surprise, but her hands, almost on their own, clenched, pulling Ryan closer by his shirt. Too soon, it was over as he pulled away, making Abbie step forward a little. She didn’t say a word, her mouth open in shock.

“Shit, Abbie, I’m sorry!” Ryan groaned. He ran both his hands over his face and head, pacing back and forth. “I don’t – Abbie, I – shit!” Then he fairly ran away from her, disappearing into the house, presumably to get his jacket to leave.

“Ryan, no, wait!” Abbie called out, finally, running after Ryan, but he hadn’t made it farther than the front hall. He stood with his back to her, his hand on the front doorknob. “Ryan, I know you’re sorry, but –“

“No, actually, Abbie, you know what,” he interrupted, turning around and stepping towards her. He grabbed her by the hips and pushed her against a wall. “I’m not sorry.” And he was kissing her again; his body crushed against hers, so close that there was no air between them. Abbie found herself kissing him back just as intensely, her arms wrapping around his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair.

It was like there was nothing else in the world, nothing mattered to Ryan. No training camp, no medals, no Olympics. There was just the way Abbie felt in his arms, how soft her lips were, and realising how much he had wanted this. His lips moved across her jaw and to a spot just below her ear. He felt, rather than heard Abbie gasp, which made him smile.

“I…” he heard her say. “Michael–“

Ryan froze. So did Abbie.

“It’s Ryan,” he said coldly, pulling away from Abbie, who clapped both hands over her mouth. His chest tightened with anger. He clenched his fists and before he could stop himself, he punched the wall beside her head, making her jump.

“Ryan!” she squeaked.

“Oh, now, you remember my name!” Ryan pushed off against the wall and turned away from her. “I don’t – Abbie, you can’t – Damn it, Abbie!”

“What, Ryan?” she yelled back. “Damn what?”

There was no answer that Ryan could give, because he didn’t even understand the situation himself.

Abbie placed a weary hand on her forehead and closed her eyes. She didn’t want to have this conversation right now. She didn’t want to have a conversation, period. She just wanted to take a moment to understand what the hell just happened and she couldn’t do that with Ryan still there. “Go home, Ryan,” she murmured. “You don’t need this right now.”

His back still turned, Ryan nodded. “You’re right,” he replied, each word a bitter taste in his mouth. “I don’t.”

Then he opened the door and walked out.

“You look like crap,” Conor remarked as Ryan got into the car that was taking them all to the airport for the flight to Tennessee.

Ryan ignored him. He knew he looked like he felt, which was shitty. After he left Abbie, he drove around town for about half an hour before he actually headed home. Even then, tired as he was, he wasn’t able to fall asleep. He lay in bed, stroking Carter’s head, who lay with his head on Ryan’s stomach. All he could do was stare at the ceiling. He finally fell asleep just as the sun was coming up, which wasn’t helpful since he was leaving for the airport in a couple of hours.

Conor’s voice was pounding into Ryan’s head. Why the hell did he have a hangover when he didn’t even drink last night? “Dude, shut the fuck up,” he muttered under his breath.

“What?” asked Conor.

“Nothing,” Ryan replied, with a deep sigh. He put in his earphones and put his music on shuffle. He didn’t even know what he was listening to; he just needed the sound to drown out the memory of last night. All he wanted to do was forget. 

      Except… he couldn’t. He couldn’t forget the taste of Abbie’s lips, the smell of her perfume, the feel of her heart beating through her chest and against his–

“Ryan?” Elizabeth, who was sitting behind him, touched his shoulder. He turned to look at her and saw concern on her pretty face. “Are you ok?”

Ryan tried to smile. Pretending to be okay was something he knew how to do. “Yeah, Lizzie. I’m okay.”

“You sure?”

He nodded and touched the hand she kept on his shoulder. “Thanks.”

Elizabeth gave his shoulder a squeeze and smiled at him. “Don’t worry, we’ll be home before you know it,” she said in a comforting way. “You’ll be back with Abbie soon enough.”

Ryan fought to keep the smile on his face but he couldn’t keep the pain out of his voice. “Yeah,” was all he managed to say.