Little Miss not so perfect

Sad side of life

I blink rapidly as memories fly through my mind. I'm still sitting on the back lawn and staring at the green grass. The memory of when I found out what callum had done stands out like a sore thumb in my mind. When I was sitting in the car and the puzzle pieces came together- callum had used me. He had pretended that he was drunk and had tried to make me pregnant just for his own pleasure! The pregnancy test at the doctors had turned out to be a false alarm.

I stand up off the ledge of the garden as a memory flashes across my mind. The memory is of when my mom had a chat to me and made a rule that I was to never talk to him again (which I had broken tonight) and that goes for any other guy she hasn't approved of. Images of me crying appeared in my head, it was just after she had told me to never ever make contact with him again and that I would be moving schools to make sure of it. My mother isn't an evil witch for it though, it was for my own good and she was very comforting along the way. My mom is probably the best mother for a teen like me, due to my lack of matureness towards boys and low self esteem issues. I used to, believe it or not, cut myself on my wrist, near the veins and on my thighs, when I ran out of room on my wrists. I cut for a distraction, for that one moment I didn't feel all the pain and the loss of callum, all I felt was the razor going deep into my skin, the blood dripping down my arm, leg, stomach, at that moment I didn't think about how alone I was without callum and all the bullying at school I went through. I didn't think about how people talked about me behind my back, how my parents were fighting and getting divorced or my 'friends' hating me. All I was concentrated on was the blood. The bad thing about it was the addiction, when all the pain and hurt comes right back. When the cut wasn't fresh anymore i could feel the build up of sadness and loneliness inside me. So then again I had to do it but this time a little deeper so the numbness would last longer. The pain inside of me would be delayed longer. And as the pain inside of me got worse and worse I had to make the pain on the outside worse and worse. It was all about my own control. I had it, though I couldn't control the pain and hurt on the inside so I took the control on the outside by cutting myself. I knew it wasn't right. And I had to stop, it took a lot of time and effort though, until finally I stopped, it was very hard. I also stopped thinking of callum. But as I said my mother wasn't an evil witch for taking me out of school and parting me from him, as people at school didn't like me any more and would bully me everyday. Not only had callum used me he had ruined my life by telling everyone a rumor, so they didn't like me any more. I don't exactly know what it was but I know it wasn't true cause I had nothing to hide, everyone knew every secret about me. My own friends at that school turned against me! That is why my mother took me to this school where I could happily start a fresh. But the problem is whenever I see callum or a friend reminds me I feel the hate and loneliness I felt for almost a year creep back up inside me and haunt me. And then the divorce between my parents interrupted my life even more. I missed my dad, still do.

I feel a tear fall down my cheek and wet the gold chain I'm wearing, my father gave to me. I hold the chain in my hand remembering his beautiful face lighting up my day, his jokes making me laugh, his hugs warming me. He's gone now, probably will never return. I've never forgave my mom for divorcing him. You would think she had the common sense to know that I would be hurt by it. But she didn't. And now I'm missing a part of my soul, the part he gave me.

==========================

AUTHORS NOTE

Hey guys please vote. How do you think this chapter is? Did you enjoy? Or not so much? Was it too upsetting? I've gotta admit I'm crying myself here! :(