How It All Changed (ON HOLD)

Chapter 10 - He's gone!

The trees were dancing in the slight breeze. The air smelled fresh and clean, as if the world was rejoicing a brand new day. The lake was not even a 100 yards away, and the sun’s rays glancing off the surface was a testament of calm and serenity.

No matter how tranquil all these things were it did not calm my mind. I know I made that promise to myself to hunt and care for Wahya until he was capable of doing so himself, but my insides were in turmoil over the situation.

I was crouched low to the ground in a bush, watching as a full grown muskrat foraged a couple of yards upwind of me. I didn’t want to kill it, but Wahya stirred a little earlier and I thought he would be famished when he finally awoke. Looking at this muskrat, though, just made me dread having to kill again, even if it was for Wahya to get better, I didn’t want to kill. This animal is just looking for food to eat or supplies to build a home. I don’t have the right to come along and end its life so soon, that isn’t my decision to make.

As I sat there thinking through all the thoughts that were making my head a living nightmare, the muskrat unknowingly crept closer and closer to its - if I could make up my mind - awaiting doom. The closer it got the more enticed my instincts were becoming, my body was saying to lung and kill, but my mind was telling me to spare the life of this being.

It was only a foot away when my body decided to act without the consent of my mind. I sprang out of the bush and locked my jaws around the critters neck. I did it quickly, so as not to prolong the suffering. I squeezed my jaws shut hard enough and fast enough that the muskrat’s neck broke. The prey was no longer prey; its lifeless body was hanging there in my mouth but my body wasn’t inclined to letting it drop to the ground, my mind was all for it. I finally reconciled myself to the atrocity and took the unfortunate recipient of my hunt back to Wayha’s resting spot.

I had just traversed the boulder that was the spot of the previous fight, when I saw the space where I had left Wayha was unoccupied. Panicked I dropped the muskrat, he shouldn’t be up yet, he isn’t strong enough. I spun in a circle sniffing the air for his scent; he couldn’t have gotten far in his condition. Facing the shore of the lake I got a whiff of his path. I ran down the incline to the shore, he wasn’t there, his trail ended at the edge of the water. That smart little pup, he had hidden his trail by getting in the water, but now I didn’t know where to go, he was in no condition to go off on his own.

Wahya? I cried. Wahya, come back please. I am really very sorry; I didn’t mean to hurt you. I waited and waited, but I was never answered. He was gone, and I couldn’t help him.

I’m sorry Wahya. I whispered to myself. If I could cry I would have. I had hurt my new friend to an inch of death, and he ran away from me the first chance he could. I understand his reasoning but it still hurt that he wouldn’t give us a chance to talk it out. I lay down on the bank and rested my nose under my paws, whimpering, since that was the closest to crying as I could get.

I don’t know how long I laid there just watching the tiny wave like ripples hit the shore, and I didn’t really care. It must have been after noon when I rose from my position and slowly climbed up the slope. I reached the top and saw the muskrat lying contorted where I had dropped it. I approached it and smoothed its lifeless body into a more natural position, before it seemed like I had disgraced the dead by just leaving it how it fell. Looking at it I realized I wasn’t hungry, but I knew I would hate myself more if I let it go to waste, because then it would have been a needless death.

Taking care not to completely desecrate it, I methodically started eating. Beginning with the back legs and moving slowly to the front, making sure to avoid the unsavory parts like the bladder. I was pretty well versed in what was good to eat and what I should avoid, I guess gutting all those deer when I went hunting with my dad paid off.