Meaningless [Yoonmin]

Meaningless

Based on some old stories/old poems that I wrote in Portuguese. :P

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Yoongi POV

It's raining again...

I pressed my fingers against the cold glass right in front of me and took a deep breath. "I don't like this kind of weather..." I muttered weakly, without taking my eyes away from those painful raindrops rolling down through the filthy, but still transparent, barrier created between me and the other side of the window, the outside.

"This kind of weather makes me think..." I slowly clenched my hand, still with it in contact with that lifeless and cold surface. "I don't like to think... I hate to start thinking...!" I started forming a huge and really ugly frown on my already bad looking face.

"Why do I have to able to think?!" I screamed full of rage and felt like punching the glass right in front of me, just to let all my emotions out. But then, after seeing my reflex on the window and the expression I was doing at the moment, I somehow managed to stop myself from doing something stupid, that I would certainly regret later, and managed to calm myself down...

Dammit... Why all this again...?

I sighed, after taking my hand away from that cold and piercing sensation and letting it fall emotionless on my table. "My mind has been so messed up lately..." I mumbled under my breath. "Everything has been so messed up lately...!" I brought my hands to my head, to then ruffle my hair frustrated and slowly start letting my thoughts taking over my mind.

Again...

I glanced over the window and the rain wasn't giving any signs to stop. Drop by drop, the streets started inundating with the sky's tears that used to be so pure and beautiful. The lifeless cement kept erasing the raindrops' path to a better place, to their true place, where they belong...

Helpless and trapped, that now disgusting and dirty water just stayed there without having where to go, while the people continued stepping on it, without showing any mercy or emotion.

Again...

That ugly grey color stayed there taking over the view and washing away all the happy and bright colors that used to exist there before. Ugly now, happy and bright before... Wait...

Ugly...?

Happy...?

Bright...?

Did I just say these words...? Did I just dare to let my mouth let out such things...? Who am I to even have the right to call something ugly...? Or to call things happy too...? Or even bright...? Such words like ugliness, happiness and brightness only transmit irony - and even emptiness - when they leave my mouth...

And again...

How ironic of me to dare to say ugliness, when I'm the ugliest thing ever seen...

How ironic of me to dare to say happiness, when the closest thing to ever make me happy were the lies I told myself...

And how ironic of me to say brightness, when I passed almost all my life running unconsciously from the light and locking myself inside dark rooms. Yeah, rooms just like this one... Just like this freezing and colorless bedroom that I'm inside right now and that I'm too afraid to leave...

Why...?

Another sigh... And here it goes again... I know this isn't healthy, I know that I will regret this, but my mind just keeps going on, and on, and on... These heavy thoughts, numb feelings, keep draining my energy and life, but I just can't stop them now... And soon... I guess there won't be any turning back anymore...