Things I Could Never Tell You

228

August 12, 3:42 pm.

If I say that today was awkward, it'd surely be an understatement. Cameron took me to school without mom knowing today. I told her I'd to by bus and met him at the bus stop. I kissed him and told him I missed him. And yeah, whatever, go ahead and judge me. But one of the hardest things in my life is not missing Cameron. He is just so missable, if that word even exists.

"Oh, what did I do to deserve that?" He asked me, pinching my cheek playfully.

"Nothing, you just exist." I smiled at him and he kissed me again.

He drove to the school and we just talked about random stuff. He told me that his mom didn't give any signal about T. He's really devastated, but he just said he won't worry about it because it will only worsen things if he does.

We got to school. We had different classes so we went our separate ways. Everything went well until lunch. You were in the table with your friends. If was the first time I had seen you since some weeks ago. As soon as you saw me, you motioned for me to go where you were. Sighing, I walked over to your table.

Laurel wasn't there.

"S," you smiled.

I furrowed my eyebrows. After you changed, you never talked to me when your friends were near. Until then.

"I looked everywhere for you," you said, got up from your seat and gave me a hug.

It was the first time. The first time you hugged me like before. Like you actually wanted to be with me. Like you weren't ashamed of me.

I didn't hug you back. I didn't know if it was because of the moment or because I remembered that we were surrounded by people.

I looked to my front and there was Cameron. His face didn't show any kind of emotion. It was hard for me to decipher what he was feeling.

Your friends started doing the "ooohs" sounds.

"Already forgot about Laurel?" One of them asked.

I quickly pulled away. I didn't want to be known for being the other one.

Cameron walked towards us.

"Stephanie," He said.

Tyler glared at him. "Wow, you really follow her everywhere, right? Just like a lost puppy, right?" You smirked to Cam.

"Yeah, she's my girlfriend." Cam smirked back. "At least I'm not the kind of boyfriend who doesn't know when he's being cheated on," Cameron said.

"What did you say?" You asked, raising an eyebrow up.

"Nothing, forget it. I just don't wanna waste time with you." He told you.

You clenched your fists but sat down silently. Cameron took my hand and lead me to the table he was sitting in.

He sat down nervously and ran his hands through his hair.

"What happened?" I asked him.

"You still ask, Stephanie?" He sighed.

"I didn't hug him back," I murmured.

"It doesn't matter," Cam whispered. "I saw your face. It seemed like you never wanted to leave his arms."

"Of course not, Cam." I assured him.

"You know it's true," He told me. "But have you ever stopped and wondered what it's like for me?" He asked me, biting his lower lip.

"I feel like shit, because I know that it took you thrice as times longer to like me than it took you to like him." He said. "All the time I spend trying to impress you and to make you like me, he can spends not even one third of it. He hurts you and it gives you even more reasons to love him." He sighed.

I faced the floor. That could have been true before. Before when I didn't know my worth.

I still love you, but I know now when I've had enough. You've hurt me enough already. Even if it was unconsciously. I've put up with your arrogant attitude for long enough now.

That feels so awesome coming from my mouth.