Looking back on old findings and letters im begining to realize how strung up i was about you... Back then tales of vampiric humans and wolf beings were fresh in our minds, and truly, that was what we believed we were deep in our heart and soul.
Though...you and I were different...every night we juggled the phases of the moon, hoping that with the next full turn things would be better... But it wasnt that simple. Every night I'd sit and wonder what was keeping me from falling apart...and it was you. You, the one who put a cast around my breaking heart.
Looking back on us now, i dearly wished i wasnt so frail.. i wish on that night of joy that our sweet kiss wouldve lasted a moment longer, our conversations lasted just an hour more... I wish my heart could be mended, for there is a hole of which you have torn... I wish i wasnt so niave so i couldve told you how i felt that night, walking along the shoreline..
I could not confess my feelings to you, and its hard to say that years later we've had our final aideou... You've protected me... You've loved me, but feelings i denied to show, even though i suppose you know when you were practically dragged back to /her/ rage flamed in my icey heart... So here i tell you now, what i shouldve told you on the night of our stroll.
I love you with all of my heart... I hope to be with you, to last with you... Ive undoubtedly fallen in love with you and theres nothing i can seem to do... I want to be with you... I want to feel the warmth of your body nestled up to mine on a cold winters eve. Even in the darkest days youve been there for me, you lead me through the deepest pits of my sorrow. You're the one that i want...and the one that i need... I truely love you.
But now that we have part ways, i dont think i will ever get to tell you this... Now i live every day with this regret... I have told myself and others countless times that i was over you...but it seems like im not... And now i live hating myself for ever telling another lies of my passion towards them... If someday you may get to hear this, i just want you to know. You were my first love...and to this day you still are and i am a terrible person for that... Trying to get over you by using others... Let my body burn in the hottest pits of hell for that... Though not even that would be a punishment, just a bittersweet reminder of the flames of your timid soul...
So take me now as i am and drown me as you have, keep me submerged in this ocean of salty lies, bitter memories, and sweet regret, and keep me waiting... Waiting for the day i get to meet you again. That day i will learn how to swim, how to race passed the fears and pain so i may reach land.
So i can tell you...
I love you.
Though that day may never come, so now im trapped here wishing... Yearning for the night we stayed up together, begging for the night we whispered to each other on the phone until our second enemy swooped in on you, though not seperating us completely.
If only our nemisis hadnt gotten in the way... If only i had more time to tell you...if only i could be the one in your arms, your lips on mine... Though it cannot... The sad fate of a pair of star crossed lovers.
If only i could live those times again...i would have made things better.
If only...i could meet you again.
