Truthfully Sorry

A Teenager.

That's what I am.

A teenager.

I know I shouldn't have shouted, I knew that I shouldn't have minded, and yet, I have.

Yes, a teenager.

Emotionally unstable, bipolar, but it's all part of being a teenager.

Just one snap of my fingers, and it's all gone, I lost you. I lost the person I knew I was in love with at first sight.

I know.

You took care of me when I needed you most. You loved me, you cared for me, but now, you're gone.

You're gone.

I shouldn't have shouted at you at the phone. Slammed the phone violently while you were still talking. I know that I violated the rules.

You haven't come home, yet I know that you're mad, angry.

You're the person who understands me most, yet, I repeat. I know you're gone.

You can't stay mad at me forever. I know, deep down you still love me, but now, you're gone.

I crumpled that small paper of trust, that small portion of the paper I still had left. But because I minded your decision, it's crumpled.

It will take forever to make you understand, but, I want you to know, I'm a teenager, a mere mortal who has enough flaws. I'm not perfect, but I am trying.

I don't want to lose you, I know that I never will.

I labeled you as annoying all the time, but it was because, now I know. It's because you care, but I hope that I realized sooner.

You texted me, two long messages, and I never answered, it's because you cared, and I didn't realize.

I texted you three long messages, you never answered. I know you're mad, disappointed, busy, but I hope, once you read it, it will all disperse to nothingness.

I know you're busy, and I always complain that you don't have enough time for me, and I regret that. It's because of what you do is for your family. And that I could never contest.

I should have never complained. About you, about the way you treated me, the way I thought you made me embarrassed. I shouldn't have complained.

Now, I'm in this dark room, still wanting you to forgive me. I know that I shouldn't have, but I did. I know, now that I'm wrong that I should never have.

I hope you will forgive me.

I know now, that you care, that you did everything for my welfare.

Now, you're distant. Far from me.

I'm so sorry.

Truthfully sorry.

I'm so, so, so, so, so, sorry....

Mama.

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Not my best, but I tried.