Silence

Don't Shut Me Out

"I... I need some help Mark..." Sean typed into the chat bar of the skype call. Delete - delete - delete.

"Mark, I am running an uphill battle with no hope of progression, I- I'm just not happy anymore.." he typed again, silent tears began falling from his eyes as he typed quickly, the words blurring before he blinked.

"Mark, I am just not okay anymore, my mind isn't healthy any longer -- in fact I am not healthy any more." Sean's typing slowed down, his eyes closing as the flood gate in the back of his mind burst open and all all of his emotions began coming out into the open, hot tears streaming down his face as he stood up slowly, his feet dragging across the carpet.

Sean's hands raked through his hair as he tried desperately to breathe in air, but his body just couldnt let him. His lungs were so filled with the emotions he has held in for too long, so filled in with the desperate screams of self hatred and loathing that he suddenly began screaming within the confines of his recording room.

"I don't understand what is so wrong with me right now, i just can't-" his voice cracked as he leaned against the wall, his head leaned against the wall, his arms resting above his head. Sean slowly began calming down, his body relaxing. Like the calm after a storm, because he knew what was going to come next would destroy many people.

The blue eyed male sat down at his desk, and opened skype once again, and began typing into his chat to Mark --

"Dear Mark,

It has come to that time in my life that i just cannot keep doing this any longer. I cannot keep running and running and getting nowhere. I know it will be a social suicide if i dont succeed, but i just have to go and do all of this for me. It's really calm right now, I am just in a weird place per-say. I honestly cannot keep doing this and it is hurting my mind. Its an unbreakable routine and the only way to break it is to kill off myself -- more so my mind. I truly hope you understand, I truly hope you will move on and find someone who can get you through the rest of your life because it is hurting me too much. Mark, please, i love you so much so please, just try to forget about me. I know those long nights we shared - when we went all over looking for an all night place to get doughnuts, and how we found one and ended up throwing them at eachother. How you held me close in your arms as we slept when i became restless. Mark please, i know its going to be nothing but silence on my end from this day forward, but you have to keep going, and keep moving forward. Do it in my honour.

I love you,

-Sean."

--

Mark had just logged on to his computer and began scrolling through the messages that Sean had just sent him.

"Sean, please. Please do not do this. I've lost so much i cant breathe thinking about losing you as well.. please dont shut me out. I need you!!" Tears began falling down his face, his fist banging into his desk as he desperately tried to connect a call through skype to reach his irish lover.

"Please Sean, pick up!" he screamed at the screen, loud sobs escaping his lips. He was so helpless from this distance, he knew Sean needed him and so he knew he had to get to Ireland. He knew he had to travel the distance to save his lover and so he began making calls, getting information before he tried to call Sean again.

Silence isn't your friend. Silence is hard for people. Silence is the enemy.