It all starts in Fudou's first year of college. He's in his boyfriends dorm room, arm around his shoulders, when he sneezes all over Sakuma's math notes.
"Do you want a kleenex?" Sakuma makes a disgusted face, balling up the snotty paper. "I'll just get notes from someone else in class. No big deal." He said this in a particular way that ensured that, at least in Sakuma's mind, it was a pretty big deal.
"I think there's mold in here." Fudou sniffed, wiping his nose. "We should sue."
"We aren't suing Tokyo University, Akio." Sakuma rolls his eyes and drops the first page of his notes in the trashcan. "Besides, I worked hard to get in here."
"We had to go to fund raisers. It was stupid." Fudou scowls and scratches his head.
"But, you know," Sakuma's eyes lower, along with his voice. "You looked pretty good in that suit..."
"Yeah?" Fudou leans in, grinning. "I think I still have it some-"
And then he sneezes in Sakuma's eye.
Two more pages of Sakuma's notes are in the trash when he slams down his pen and looks at his boyfriend. "You are going to take Claratin."
"No!" Fudou crosses his arms. "I'm not takin' any pills."
"Well, we have to do something about this," Sakuma spits as he rubs sanitizer on his hands and wrists. "It's impossible to study, and you keep dripping on me when we have sex. It's not very sexy."
"I can't help it!"
"Take a pill!"
"No!" Fudou leans back. "Why don't you go get some fucking plants if you hate it so much. They filter oxygen. That could help."
Sakuma thinks for a moment. He isn't a science major, nor is that a particularly strong suit for him, but that sounds about right. "You think so?"
"I read it. In a textbook."
Fudou actually has no idea what he is talking about, but it made sense, and if Sakuma went down to a plant store or wherever someone bought plants, Fudou could maybe sit and sneeze by himself without listening to his boyfriend gripe.
However, like most ideas Sakuma has, this one takes hold. The plants don't help Fudou at all, seeing as how Sakuma took an immediate beeline for the cacti, and those don't filter much at all as far as Fudou is concerned. But Sakuma loves them, and soon his tiny dorm room is flooded with all different types of Amaranthaceae, Caryophyllaceae, Simmondsiaceae, and Lophiocarpaceae. Trust Sakuma to only tell Fudou the scientific family names when he asked, and Fudou can't be halfassed to look up the difference between a daisy and a lilac, let alone a Rhabdodendraceae and a Sarcobataceae.
So, yes, Fudou's nasal problems don't clear at all. Sakuma consoles himself by naming his plants.
"This is Fusae," Sakuma says, pointing to a Drosophyllum Lusitanicum. It looks more like a long, spiny cactus to Fudou, but Sakuma thinks it's beautiful. "And those flytraps over there are Usami and Watanabe."
"Are you naming them all after anime characters?" Fudou asks, and Sakuma shoots him a glare. "Well, fine. Were you high at the time?"
He ignores the fact that he's the only one who got high, ever. Sakuma is more straight edge than a ruler.
"No. I like my plants, and I'm happy you suggested it." Sakuma shoots back as flicks the leaf of a Molluginaceae sitting on the bedside table. "I wonder if they would understand if I talked to them."
"That's like Little Shop of Horrors. Don't do that."
And so Sakuma gets out of bed and adds Little Shop of Horrors to his Netflix queue. When he gets back, Fudou drags him down and starts kissing down his neck. He's halfway down Sakuma's chest when he sneezes again, right into his crotch.
"You know, I don't think these plants are working for you at all," Sakuma calls from the shower.
"Sorry," Fudou calls back, not feeling all that sorry at all.
Sakuma comes back in about ten minutes later, wearing one of Fudou's shirts and penguin pajama pants. "Well, so we know plants don't work."
"Because you just got a bunch of carnivorous shit and a cactus."
Sakuma ignores this, lying down on his chest. "I'm sorry. This stinks."
"Don't be sorry. You like them or whatever." Fudou sighs. "I guess I'll try taking Claritin."
Sakuma is silent for a moment, and then, "I think I'm hungry for Cheetos."
So Fudou goes down to the vending machine in his boxers and buys Sakuma two baggies of Cheetos. By the time he gets back, Sakuma is asleep.
