Just To Spite

This is bullshit

This is the most pointless thing anyone can ever do. But I'm doing it and you're reading it so there's that. My counsellor told me that this would help me to understand the situation. Bullshit. I would't usually do what they say but I'm fairly certain I'm being watched.

Just to clarify, by "counsellor" I don't mean the kind privileged, white, teenagers have when their parents can't parent. I'm not privileged or white (mostly) and I don't have parents to fail at parenting. I'm talking about the kind they give orphans because they think that talking to a person who has no idea what they're talking about will somehow help with the knowledge that the people who made you don't want you and neither does anyone else. I bet you think I'm exaggerating, that I'm just looking for sympathy or attention or whatever the fuck you wanna label it. No. I'm "writing down my feelings". Bullshit. Those are my feelings. I have written them down.

So let me explain the "situation" this bullshit is supposed to help me understand. I was kicked out or "removed" from my most recent foster home because I was a "bad influence" on their children. I would like to point out that their son chain smoked everything and their daughter fucks practically everyone she meets. But no, I'm a bad influence. So anyway. That was, I think, my twelfth foster home that I got kicked out of and my fifteenth all together. What this bullshit is supposed to do is help me to "reflect on my actions" and "better myself". I'm not saying I'm perfect, I know I'm not. But I don't see how writing my fucking life story in some Poundland diary will change who I am, I really don't.

So I'm back at the orphanage with a bunch of kids gone, never to return, and a bunch of new ones that I don't know and don't really care about. I can tell most of them are gonna be gone in the next month and one or two are gonna be bounced around foster homes until they turn eighteen.

Maybe I should explain why no one will keep me for more than a week. I'll just tell you a little bit about myself and you can figure it out.

My name is Ryuu Matsuoka and, as I hope you can tell by my name, I'm at least half Japanese. It's difficult to say exactly how much because of the lack of family but I'd say I look more Asian than white.

I'm fifteen years old, most of the words that come out of my mouth are "fuck", "shit" and "dick" in different variations. I guess that put's people off me but I won't apologize for living my life without a censor dick in my mouth. You could say I have a bit of a temper but so do most orphans I've met. It's hard to not get pissed when you spend your life being fucked over.

I don't have any friends, I don't really see any point in making them when I'll eventually get moved away. But I have had the occasional girlfriend or at least casual fuck.

If your wondering about that girl I mentioned before, I did fuck her. I think that's why they kicked me out. They kinda walked in on us. My bad.

But I'm not gonna apologies for being a human. Just like I'm not gonna go on about my "conquests" like some arrogant douche.

I know your judging me right now. For some of you I must seem like a biggest pile of shit on the planet, I get it. I wouldn't say I'm the biggest though, that's like when people say their ex is "worse than Hitler". No he's not sweetheart, he's bad, but he's not that bad.

Anyway, I forgot what I was saying. Oh yeah, I was talking about myself. Fun.

My parents, or someone, left me in the park when I was a baby. The park. Where dog walkers find dead people and hypodermic needles and homeless old men with their dicks is foxes. The usual stuff.

So at some point someone found me chilling by a tree and delivered me to the orphanage where I was not adopted and continued to chill in different areas up until this point.

I think we're basically up to date on my tragic life story by now. Hopefully this is good enough to get me out of writing anything unnecessary ever again. For some reason I doubt that. A lot.