To make clear from the start of things, none of what is to be written here is happening in the world you are reading it. If you happen to change worlds or universes WHILE reading this like a little shit, the story will likewise take place in a different universe. The level of complex plavix manipulation involved here was so dangerous I had to travel between realities to safely write all of this.
Now that you've been prompted to not try and find the setting of this, I can begin after just one or two more disclaimers:
*WARNING! PARADOXICAL OPPORTUNITIES ARE HAZARDOUS AND PRESENT IN UNSTABLE LEVELS!!!
DO NOT OPERATE VERSITREX (TM) PRODUCTS OR SIMILAR/DERISIVE MACHINERY WHILE READING! PLANECORP TECHNOLOGIES (TM) DOES NOT CONDONE, SUPPORT, OR ACKNOWLEDGE THE PEOPLE AND EVENTS RECORDED HERE. IF YOU ARE NEARING OR PLANNING ON NEARING A SPACIAL OR TEMPORAL ANOMALY, IT IS NOT RECOMMENDED YOU READ THIS! READING THE EVENTS RECORDED BELOW MAY CAUSE THE FOLLOWING:
DOGMATIC ENGAGEMENT
PARADOXICAL AND/OR INCONSISTENT BACKSTORIES
TEMPORAL DISCOLORATIONS
LOSS OF EYESIGHT
LOSS OF APPETITE
LOSS OF USABLE GREY-MATTER
LOCATIONAL DISTRESS
CHRONIC PARANOIA WITH DELUSIONAL TENDENCIES
PSYCHOTIC CHOLESTEROL
SEXUALLY FUELED RACISM
DEVIANT BEHAVIOR
THORAX IMPLOSION
FEVER
RODENT INFESTATION
DEPRESSION
EXISTENTIAL AWAKENING
FAULTY EPIPHANIES
HEMORRHAGING OF THE LIVER
PREGNANCY
THEORETICAL CARDINAL INFRINGEMENT
COMMUNISM
DATA STORAGE IN STRANGE PLACES
LOSS OF ABILITY TO RECOGNIZE YOUR REFLECTION
BONE FAILURE
CHRONIC SARCASM
Tumors
SEXUAL REALIGNMENT
AROUSAL
BLASPHEMY
TANNIC POISONING
IMPAIRED LOGIC
LOGIC CIRCUIT'S PARADOXICAL UNITS FRIED
POLITICAL REBELLION
INTENSE NUMBNESS OF THE ABDOMEN (DO NOT BE ALARMED, WILL SUBSIDE)
FORGETFULNESS
DEPRESSION
BONE FAILURE
FORGETFULNESS
INCREASED USE OF THE VOCABULARY CONTAINED WITHIN
THIS LIST IS NOT ALL-INCLUSIVE AND THERE HAVE BEEN REPORTS OF SEVERAL OTHER SYMPTOMS, MOSTLY MINOR INCLUDING: GLUTTONOUS FEEDING, HEMORRHAGING SNEEZES, FINDING YOUR HOUSE-KEYS IN INCREASINGLY UNUSUAL PLACES, MINOR INSANITY, AN ARTISTIC FEELING OF FORLORN LONGING, SEXUAL AWARENESS, SEXUAL AWAKENING, SEXUAL INSOMNIA, SEXUAL NARCOLEPSY, PARTIAL ZOMBIFICATION, AND EPIDERMAL RESURRECTION THAT ENDS WITH THE SKIN ACTUALLY CRAWLING OFF THE PATIENT.
BY READING THIS, YOU ACCEPT THE RISKS INVOLVED AND ARE ASSUMED TO BE OF SOUND ENOUGH MIND TO COMPREHEND THIS!!!
THE TITASSUNDEIK CORP. LOGO IS TRADEMARKED AND THE USAGE OF IT HERE IS ACCIDENTAL AND NOT LEGAL. WHILE THEY OWN THE LOGO, WE CAN USE IT BECAUSE THE SPECIES THAT RUNS THE CORPORATION IS TO PRIMITIVE TO EVEN ACCESS THESE FILES. GO SUCK A PROTRUDING GENITAL EXTREMITY TITASSUNDEIK!!!
*WARNING! THE CONTENT BELOW MAY OFFEND THE PEOPLE OF THE FOLLOWING GROUPS:
ALIVE
DEAD
PARTIALLY ANIMATED
DAMNED
CURSED
RELIGIOUS
NOT RELIGIOUS
APPOSED TO BEAUTIFUL THINGS
ILLITERATE
THE NAVUURT PEOPLE OF TERANA (WESTERN AISLES OF THE CATTAIL SPHERICAL GALAXY, NOT THE NORTHERN AXEHANDLE GALAXY)
THE WHOLE OF UNIVERSE 1078A, 448.58V, 3939.009A (WE ARE SO VERY, VERY, VERY SORRY TO YOU ALL!)
*WARNING! IF YOU LIVE IN ONE OF THE AUTOCRATIC/DICTORAL REPUBLICS LISTED IN CHAPTER 1,112. SECTION 8. PAGES 3,426,851-4,001,350. IN THE CONDEMNED PRAGMATIST'S GUIDE TO EXISTENCE THROUGH ROUNDABOUT EXPLANATIONS, YOU ARE FORBIDDEN FROM READING THIS BY YOUR GOVERNMENT BY PUNISHMENT OF: DEATH, CEASED LIFE FUNCTIONS, THE GRAVY TRAIN, DISMEMBERMENT, HAZARDOUS ELECTROCUTION,IMPRISONMENT, TORTURE, DEATH/TORTURE/CAPTURE OF FAMILY, DISAPPROVING FATHERLY LOOKS, THE SILENT TREATMENT, RATION CUTS, THE PAN, AND/OR A LONG LECTURE ABOUT HOW YOU ARE "JUST NOT GETTING IT, ARE YOU?".
*WARNING! FOIL HATS MAY INTERFERE WITH OUT CONVENIENT MENTAL PROJECTION/ANALYSIS! IF YOU WANT THE FULL EXPERIENCE, YOU SHOULD REMOVE YOUR FOIL HAT, THE TRANSMITION CANNOT BE BROADCASTED DIRECTLY INTO YOUR THOUGHTS WITH IT ON AND READING MAY BE MORE DIFFICULT. ALSO, OUR TELEPATHIC MONITORING TREES CANNOT ASSESS YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THE STORY BELOW AND THIS WOULD BREAK THEIR HEARTS!!!!!!!!
ALSO THAT FOIL HAT MAKES YOU LOOK FAT!
*WARNING! IF YOU ARE THE PRODUCT OF A LABORATORY EXPERIMENT (MUTANT, CLONE, CELESTIAL APPARITION CONSTRAINED IN A CRYSTAL CASE, ETC...) READING THIS MAY STABILIZE YOUR DNA AND LEAVE YOU LIQUEFIED! THIS IS NOT RECOMMENDED!
*WARNING! THE FOLLOWING IS VERY LONG, IT HAS BEEN SEGMENTED FOR YOUR COMFORT AND SAFETY! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE PREGNANT OR MAY BECOME PREGNANT! DO NOT READ IF YOU WISH TO RETAIN THE ABILITY TO REPRODUCE! DO NOT READ FOR MORE THAN AN HOUR A DAY!
...and please, enjoy!
