Somewhere In Neverland

“...and the prince and his princess lived happily ever after.” She closed the book with a snap, and smiled at us.

 “Happily ever after?” asked Thomas, contempt in his voice, “Yuck.”

 Mother laughed, and I thought she was the one who sounded like a princess. 

“I’d rather read about Peter Pan and the Lost Boys.” Daniel piped up and Tom, his younger by two years, nodded an agreement.

 Secretly, I also agreed. I would much rather hear about Peter’s adventures. The sword fights, treasure, Pirates. But in the corner of my mind, I knew it was not proper. A young lady of nearly thirteen years, getting caught up in fairy tales? Boy’s stories? Never.

 “No, time for bed now, in you get, go on.” My brothers made a mad rush for the covers, burrowing under like mice, hiding from the world. 

 I don’t have to go to bed, I am allowed to stay awake longer than the both of them, and they hate it. Mother was turning out the lights, tucking the boys in, kissing them goodnight. She never kissed me goodnight anymore, oh no, I was too old for such silly, childish things. I didn’t mind, I was more grown up, much more independent this way.

 I took a book that was on the bedside table next to me into my hands, one that Auntie had given me. A very long one with no pictures except from the front cover. A very grown up lady was the image, hair teased and shiny, make-up perfectly painted. She was very pretty. 

 “Goodnight.” Mother called as she softly closed the door, and we softly called back. The only light in the room was a dim gas lamp flickering away beside me. It was by that dim gas lamp light, with my brothers gently snoring not far away, that I started to read.

 The story was long, and complicated, and very, very boring. There were no heroes, no damsels in distress, no treasure, no sword fights. Where was the excitement? I was a mere twenty pages in, but I closed the book carefully, watchful not to make a sound and wake the boys. 

 I tiptoed very carefully towards the door, then down the stairs without really thinking about where I was going. I was already halfway down when I decided I was going to get a glass of water, but stopped on the fourth step from the bottom when I heard the raised voices.

 “She needs her own room! She can’t stay with her brothers well into her teens, it’s ridiculous!” That was father.

 “Well where else can she go? We’ve nowhere else in this house for her to be.” And that was mother.They were almost certainly talking about me. This kind of discussion had been going on for weeks now, but nothing had ever come of it. But then…

 “Why doesn’t she go and live with your sister?”Father said suddenly, and there was a moment of silence. I could hear the old grandfather clock tick-tocking away the seconds.

“Well… I…I suppose…” Mother sounded young, and very scared. I wanted to run to her and shout, tell her to argue with him, to not let me go. I couldn’t leave. I couldn’t abandon my brothers, what if they needed me? Would I ever return home to them again?

 “I think,” Father said, in his business voice, the one he only saved for very important clients and very important matters, “it would be for the best. I’ll call your sister in the morning.”

 I did not stay to hear any more. I ran – two steps at a time – back up as quietly as possible, back into the room that had always been mine, and ours. 

 Toys littered the floor, as did books and games of all kinds. Books about princesses and magic and heroes. Silly, childish things. They all of a sudden seemed like a million miles away. I did not belong here, among the dolls and wooden swords and eye-patches made from old clothes. I was not in the same world as Peter Pan, faeries, mermaids. 

 The flickering curtain caught my eye, the wind from outside had been tossing it around, playing with it like a cat with a ball of string. From the window, I could see the streets of the city, all dark, all sleeping at this time of night. I imagined running across the rooftops, faery dust trailing behind me as I flew far, far away, to a land where no one grows old.

 Above the dark buildings, a lone star shone brighter than all the others, the second star to the right, the gateway to Neverland. And carefully, quietly, I closed the window.