"Guysss let’s go out on the town for the night!" I say as everyone looks around at each other.
"Fuck yeah" Matt says before anyone else.
"Are you sure babe?" Oli asks as he walks over to me and grabs my waist.
"Yes. Now let’s go!"
As we step off of the bus, we all automatically form a line. Me, Oli, and Matt walk together leaving the rest to follow behind.
"Let’s stop at a bar." Oli says, Matt agreeing with him.
"I think there may be one down the street." Lee says.
"Oh damn!" You hear Oli say, turning around to see that he and Matt are checking out a girl walking on the other side of the road. “She’s fucking hot."
I wanted to slap him so fucking hard but I couldn’t bring myself to do so. I couldn’t even say anything to him about it.
Turning to look behind me again, I see Lee mouth the words “are you okay?". Shaking my head no I look back over at Oli whose attention is back on Matt and I.
"Uh.. actually Oli, I think I’m just gonna go back to the bus and lay down. I’m not feeling too well. You guys have fun okay?"
Walking back to the bus I can’t help but feel like I’m nothing. I know Oli probably says things like that about girls all the time, but I’m never with him. He said that in front of me and that’s what fucking sucks most. He knows how sensitive I can be. He knows how insecure I am, yet he said something about another girl anyway.
Once back on the bus I make my way to his bunk where I lay down and curl up into a ball.
What can I do to make myself good enough for him? How can I be everything he needs? Everything he wants? There’s nothing I can do. I can’t change. I’m stuck this way.
My mind continued to race on but the thoughts got worse.
You’re ugly. Those other girls are just what he needs. Don’t even bother. As far as your weight goes, you might as well forget about trying to lose it. It’ll never happen. You’re stuck that way. He’ll just keep looking at the skinnier, prettier girls, wishing that he had them instead of you. He’s probably already fucked a few while he was out on tour without you. Oops.
Crying, I began to believe my mind. It all made so much sense. Everyone was better than me. Oli was too good for me, he deserves much better.
-
Sobbing now, I hear the bus door open but it’s too late. I can’t stop the tears.
"Babe?" I hear Oli call.
Still sobbing uncontrollably, I know he could hear me. Walking back to the bunk, he pulls the small curtain away and looks at me. “Babe, what the hell?"
Wiping my eyes, I roll over to face him.
"Why the fuck are you crying?" he asks,practically yelling in my face.
"Oliver. Don’t play that shit with me. That girl was so much better than me. I can’t compete with skinny, gorgeous girls. I’m only me, and I don’t know why you’re still with me."
"You’re fucking joking right? Just because I made one fucking comment about a girl?"
"Stop. I don’t want to fight about this. Just go back out and have fun."
"No this argument has already begun, now we have to fucking settle it."
"Oliver."
"Stop fucking calling me that! I hate it! Right now you’re in full cunt mode. Do you realize that? Back off."
"Back off? I’m your girlfriend Oli. I care about you and I thought you cared about me too. I guess my mind was right. You really don’t. I’m nothing; no one. You deserve someone better because you’re too good for me. I’m sorry I’ve wasted so much of your time okay? I’m sorry I’m me and that’s never going to change. I hate being me Oli. I feel like I’m constantly competing to keep your attention on me. I feel like I have to compete for your love. I don’t want to do that anymore. I can’t."
He got silent for a moment.
"(Y/N), if I didn’t fucking care I wouldn’t be here with you. I could’ve chosen anyone, but I chose you. You’re mine now, you got that? Mine. And I’m all yours. I’m sorry that I made a comment about another girl tonight but she is nothing compared to you. You’re what I want. You’re what I need. You’ve not wasted any of my time. You make my time worthwhile. I do love you, (Y/N). I love you alot."
Smiling once again, I look up to read his facial expression. Getting up out of the bunk, I walk towards the couch with him.
"Wanna make it better?" I purr as I pull him down on top of me.
