Rescue Me From Myself

Chapter Three

(A/N - HEY!! So, here's chapter 3, hope you guys like! AND BSE VIDEO. CAN I SAY MOTHERFUCKING DAMN. HOT DAMN. SO MANY MOMENTS, LIKE THE MARCEL PRESENTATION AND THE LEEROY AND LIAM CHANGING HIS BIO TO LEEROY'S QUOTE AND OKMAHAD. IT WAS AMAZING. *breathes* so please, vote, comment, tell me what you like, anything you dislike? I'm open for criticism, I'm not offended too easily :) love you guys, i'll be updating later this week, i have a meeting tomorrow for work!)

It's been 2 days since I saw Harry at Tilly's, and he consumed my everyday thoughts. The more I thought about Harry, the more I thought about Tyler, and I didn't want to think about him. I just wanted to move on with my life, but it was so hard, the wounds were still fresh. He was my rock, the person I counted on the most. He was there for me after Jillian died. We lived together, we were going to get married. I didn't even suspect anything, and that's what I hate the most about myself. I always think the best about people and let myself get hurt in the end. I don't deserve anymore hurt, but on the other side, I deserve whatever I get. There has to be a reason all this heartbreak and hurt keeps happening to me, I have to deserve it somehow. My parents are gone, my only sibling is gone, my boyfriend is gone. It's a pattern and it'll keep happening. I don't want to get hurt, and Harry has the power to hurt me in ways I could only imagine.

I was deep in thought polishing the coffee table when my phone dinged, someone was texting me. I unlocked the screen and the name on the message was from someone I was just thinking about.

Harry: Hey Elizabeth, just wondering if you ever saved my number? I haven't heard from you :(

I had to resist the urge to throw my phone out the window from how excited and nauseous I felt. My heartbeat quickened and I knew that this wasn't a normal reaction to getting a text from a guy I didn't even know. My fingers glided over the keyboard as I typed a response.

Elizabeth: Hey Harry! Sorry, I've just been a little out of it. Didn't mean to ignore you!!

I breathed out a sigh of relief and hoped he wouldn't text me back. I didn't need to deal with the panic attacks he gave me. My anxiety level was up, and I didn't want to have to take my medication to get it back down. But of course the world was always against me and my phone lit up and dinged again. I unlocked it.

Harry: No problem! :) Wanna get a cuppa sometime? If that's not too forward!

Oh God, was he asking me out on a date? What do I say? What do I do? What do I wear? I don't even have a friend to ask for advice, I don't have anybody to talk to. My thoughts were racing in my head as I tried to think of an excuse to back out of this date. I could say I was sick, or didn't feel good, or just straight out lie and tell him I wasn't interested. I couldn't do that though, because I was more than interested. And I was lying to myself if I said I didn't want to go out with him, or even grab some coffee. I was just afraid to take the plunge and actually move on from Tyler. Someday I was going to have to move on, and this was the first step if I ever wanted to live a normal life again.

Elizabeth: Sure! :) I would love to, how about tomorrow night, maybe 7?

I was barely able to put my phone down before it lit up.

Harry: Sounds great! I'll meet you at Tilly's, seems like you like the place :)

I smiled to myself, he was really a sweet person, and I was genuinely excited to be able to sit down with him and talk. I haven't talked to someone in a long time, and maybe I could act normal for once in my life.

After Tyler left, I quit school because I couldn't bring myself to wake up every morning and slap a smile on my face and pretend I was happy when everyone could see I was heartbroken and miserable. I was tired of seeing all of Tyler's friends giving me that look, the one where you could visibly see they felt sorry for me, and I was tired of all of my “friends” telling me I should be happy for Jess and Tyler. I was not going to be happy for them, I could say I hated Jess and not be one bit sorry. She ruined my life, along with the boy I thought was going to save it.

I couldn't harp too long on this, because then I wouldn't stop thinking about Tyler and Jess and I was definitely going to have a panic attack and no one was around to comfort me and I don't like having those alone. I wasn't going to take one of my pills because I feel weird when I take one. My therapist said it was okay to take medication once in a while, but I wanted to feel normal. I stopped therapy a while back, and I don't want to start again.

I looked around my flat and realized it was really boring. It used to feel like home...until that day...but I threw everything away that reminded me of him and I was left with a blank canvas I never got to fill. I had a kitchen, a sitting room, a laundry room, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a dining room, all undecorated, organized wasted space. I had a family portrait hanging above my bed in my bedroom, and that's as personal as my flat was. I didn't want anything around me to remind me of my past, I was already upset enough as it was, I didn't need a daily reminded about how much my life sucks.

When there was nothing left to clean, I finally felt satisfied. I couldn't say I was a clean freak, but I didn't like disorganization. I liked to have a little bit of structure and routine to my wacky life, and my flat was the only thing I could control and I liked it a certain way. Picking up and cleaning a bit was one thing I could do where I could blast some music and just get lost in the task I was doing at the moment and forget everything else. I consider it better than the therapy I was paying tons of money for.

I walked down the dark hallway to my bedroom and took a shower in the master bathroom. It was bigger than the hallway bathroom, and I didn't feel like walking back into the hallway, I was lazy. And tired. I took a quick shower and flopped down onto bed and fell asleep dreaming of a curly haired boy in a coffee shop.