Sunday 31st January 2016
Dear Diary,
Firstly, don't get used to the daily updates cause it's not gonna happen lol.
Today I wanted to talk about anger mainly because I get angry an awful lot now and I can't control it, it's like it takes over me and I can't do anything about it. The thing that I hate most about it is it makes me angry at my friends over the littlest things, one minute I'll be talking to them quite happily, the next I'll be so annoyed at them for no reason. Take Rose for instance, I was talking to her last night and I was also talking to her 2 friends that are from her choir but I've never met them. (Between us, me and Bluebell think they're fake) and I have to admit, I hate one of them, I'll call him Etan, Yes, I've stopped doing the animal thing. Etan is basically out to make my life hell and everything bad I've ever done, he uses against me. The thing that really annoyed me here is I trusted Rose with loads of my secrets and she told Etan all of them. Etan is Rose's last boyfriend and I never really liked him. Then there's Prince, why prince? He's got the same name as someone from the royal family :). Prince is quite nice but everyone hates him.
Basically, last night I was talking to them all and I found out that Prince and Rose had kissed. And I flipped out for no reason. I started saying to Rose that I was fed up of all this bullshit of her hating Prince and that she needs to make up her mind, does she hate him or not. This led to Etan hating on me more and me getting angrier.
What I really want to know is why do I get angry like this for no reason. It's not only with Rose, it's happened when I've been talking to Kyu too. I told Kyu about it and he seemed to understand. I always feel really bad about it later on but I don't know how to stop it. I want to be able to talk to others about it but last time I told my friends something, a randomer found out, yes I'm talking about Etan. I don't know if I can tell Rose anything any more after that. I trusted her but she spread it :(
Also most of my other friends are struggling with problems of their own and I want to help them instead of dropping them with the burden of mine.
The other day my parents found out about the self harm and my step dad was really supportive about it and told me to talk to him instead of cutting. My mum on the other hand hated me. She doesn't een trust me to hold a knife anymore. She has to stand behind me whilst I'm cutting something, it's like she should just do it herself instead of just standing there watching me. Ever since they found out the anger thing has got worse and I don't know what to do about it.
If any of you guys have any tips on how to deal with this, please tell me.
QOTD: You have to be at your strongest when you're feeling at you weakest.
From Hannah
