Young, Gay, Love

Chapter 30: Lights Out

Maybe it was something in his eyes. Or the way he secretly cared for my heart. But whatever it was the feelings that overcame me were overwhelming.

I reached out for his head and as his soft hair graced my fingertips I felt his lips. His lips eagerly met mine and then we were intertwined. Limbs embracing each other’s bodies, as he laid me down on the cold wet grass.

“Should we be doing this here? What happens if someone sees us?” I asked worried that we get caught for public offense of some sort.

“Don’t think about that. Just feel the moment.” And with that he went in for another kiss.

“But I don’t think we should do it here.” I said out of breath. “I really think we should at least do it in the car.”

“How can you be thinking of all this stuff?” He pulled away instantly. “You are ruining the moment.”

“Are you seriously getting angry with me?” I pushed him off and stood up. “I am just worried about us. I don’t want to get charged with indecent exposure.”

“Whatever.” Rob grabbed our stuff and started walking away.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“To the car.” And without stopping he kept walking.

In that moment I knew this was wrong. He was not the one for me. But he was so hot and beautiful and perfect and wow I sound like a high schooler with improper grammar.

I looked at the pond and noticed how the water was lapping at the sand. Always moving but stayed in the same place, unable to get out of where it’s always been.

“So much for that.” I thought to myself and made my way to the car.

Rob was sitting in the drivers’ seat and he looked at me. Without saying a word he started the car, backed up, and made his way out of the parking lot.

“Are you seriously not going to say anything?” I asked.

“Why should I when there is nothing to say.” He replied drily.

“There’s an issue at hand and you are not going to resolve it.” I stated matter-of-factly.

“There’s no issue so don’t make it bigger than it already is.” He replied tensely.

“You are saying there is a problem though.”

“And what is that.”
“That we just had a disagreement, because I was looking out for us.”

“But you ruined the mood.”

“It was either me or the police.”

“Whatever.”

“Whatever.”

And with that conversation the car went dead.

Not literally metaphorically.

What was I thinking? From day one there were problems, daddy problems. So what was I thinking that he would respect me when he has no respect for his Dad?

Maybe I should just leave. I could leave whenever I wanted, but I feel like I would be betraying him. Plus, I am living the life. No need for a job when everything is paid for.

But what’s the point of physical objects when there is no connecting. No religion. I know a lot of people have a problem with religion, but without hope there is no light. No reason to live. And that’s how I am feeling right now. Lost.

I looked out the window and watched the city lights. It’s like they are guiding people to their homes, giving safe passage. Just because you have safe travels, what about the destination? Is the destination really a safe place? I feel like I on the way to my funeral and on that note we were pulling into the parking lot.

“I’m sorry.” Rob said quietly. “I’m not used to caring for another person. I don’t know how this all goes. I usually just get it on then over with. Don’t care if I see that person again.”

“It’s alright.” I said gazing out the window.

“I said I’m sorry. Isn’t that enough?” He said a little more sternly.

“Sorry is a good start, but you really hurt me back there.” I said firmly.

Rob just looked at me then out the front window. He took out the keys and got out of the car.

“Great now he’s pissed.” I put my head in my hands and took a deep breath.

I began to unbuckle my seat belt, but before I knew it my car door opened. Rob grabbed my waist and gently pulled me out and began to kiss me. This lasted for a good few minutes before we made our way into the building.

As I grabbed the door he locked his car and before I knew it we were in the elevator, then by his door, inside our room, and on the bed.

“I love you.” He said out of breath.

“Shut up.” I replied and then the lights were out.