Quick message before the actual text.
Today is one of those days so I decided to reupload this for the 4th time, but i need to tell all of you that I no longer care about what the fuck you think about me, you are literally the only reason why I have anxiety, my own friends... Not the girl I like or the bullies that might have bullied me in the past, it's literally just you guys.
I'm scared that even she is part of this, but I will try and not assume that, well then, enjoy the thing I wrote when I first fell in "love".
(another quick message, this is banter and apparently Anxiety and Paranoia exist O.O weird, well I'm fine now so just ignore all the bullshit on this website, thanks for all the dank memes)
"Life"
Everyday 7 billion people wake up, most of them will do what they have always done, they will go to work, eat and rest. Sadly it doesn't get much better than this. we were born into a world where our individuality is no longer recognized, where in the past we could have fought, we could have taken a chance to improve our lives, now we can't. No matter how hard we try, no matter how much we want it, it's very unlikely that any of us will be able to live the life of our dreams.
So if our lives are boring and meaningless why do we live? Most of us will be forgotten when we die, most of us will leave nothing behind when we part, some already think about leaving the world, leaving our families, friends and our future.
Not only will we die but the universe will one day end, when it does everything we have done, all the light we have shone off our bodies into the vastness of space, the vibrations of our atoms and the atoms of everything we have interacted with that once roamed the near-infinite universe, all of it will be erased, forgotten, no matter how much we want to live, no matter how much we want to change the world or how much we want to be remembered. One day it will all end.
So why?
Well, we live expecting what we believe in to be the truth, no matter how much we want to accept our fate we always ignore it, we just live, we buy lottery tickets, we keep on crossing our fingers, we keep on looking for chances of improving our lives.
It's hard to accept our fate, I don't believe in fate myself, the thing is the person who sets our fate is us. The us from now will set the fate of the "us" from tomorrow.
Fate takes away the beauty of our life though, the fact that everything we will do was meant to happen takes away the beauty of our choices, of how we did it, and of course why we did it.
That's why I refuse to accept fate, the fact that I was meant to meet you, the fact that I was meant to fall in love with you, I can't accept that. I don't love you because I was meant to. I love you because of how beautiful you are, because of how much you have changed my life, because you are the greatest person in the world. I know my fate is a lonely fate, a future where I never get to share my life with you, I know that you don't love me and that you don't need me in your life, I know that your life will be better without me. But I still love you, You are the reason as to why I will live, you are the reason why I will live knowing that I will be forgotten, you are the reason why I will try and achieve greater things, you are the reason why I don't regret my past, my mistakes, my lost friendships, my loneliness. You made it all worth it, if I could go back in time I wouldn't change a thing, I would suffer again and again, because without my past I would have never met you, I would have never seen your beautiful smile, I would have never felt so nervous, I would have never enjoyed my life. You have given me a reason to live, I will forever live a lonely life but it will be a life with a purpose. I will never forget you, even when the universe ends, even when nothing else is left behind, my love towards you, my memories with you, your existence, it will all be left behind. I promise.
You are my reason.
Thank you, and sorry.
