Disenchanted Lullabye

Miles Away

It's been a week since the whole blackout incident and I haven't told anyone about it, not even Jaime. It's been eating at me and I can tell that everyone around me knew something was up.

I hadn't had a social drink with anyone since that night for fear that it would happen again. I stayed on the bus when the guys went out to hang with everyone and I kept my distance from everyone in general, claiming that I was busy and had to get things done when I was really just scared of what would happen if I slipped up again.

"Miranda, We're gonna go get some food down the street, wanna come best friend?" Jack asked in a sweet voice and I shook my head sadly.

"Lots to get done, Bring me something back please?" I said with sad eyes. I felt bad that I was being such a downer to these guys but I just had to motivation to leave the bus other than to stretch my legs or do my job.

"Alright, I'll see what I can do. We'll be back in abit, hit me up if you need anything, okay?" He said sadly, I could see that he really wanted me to come out.

"Alright, Jacky. Have fun!" I said with a yawn and turned back to my work. I sighed when they all left, leaned back and rubbed my eyes. It's nearly one and I've been sitting here since about eleven. Who knew that two straight hours og editing would be so tiring.

I must've dozed off a bit because I felt someone shaking my arm, mumbling my name. I slowly opened my eyes to see James. The bus was quiet and I could only hear a soft chuckle from James who was sitting next to me.

"Oh, hey James." I said with the grogginess of just waking from my short lived nap.

"Hey." He said and smiled softly.

"What's up?" I said as I continued to wake myself up. I touched my trackpad and saw that it was now two in the morning. I had fallen asleep for an hour.

"Just wanted to see how you were. We've been worried since we haven't seen you around." He said like all the others, sadly. It truly made me feel terrible.

"I've been.." I paused and looked into his intent eyes. I needed to tell the truth, lying about it was getting me nowhere. "I just feel weird after the whole bus mishap." I said and turned away from him. I felt so guilty for no reason other than I broke my promise to Jaime.

"Why? nothing happened, there's nothing to feel weird about" He said so innocently and I just started spilling.

"I know we didn't do anything it's just.. I made a promise to Jaime that I would keep my distance from you guys because you drink so much and have a habit of just handing drinks to people and Jaime told me that since I'm on a tour with all guys and even though you're some of the best friends I have, that I should be careful and I wasn't and I promised I wouldn't get blackout drunk and I did and I just, I can't believe I broke the only promise I made to him and one the first night." I said while hyperventilating. I could feel the world closing in on me and even though I knew I had to calm down and that it really wasn't that bad, my brain told me it was and my heart felt hurt after it all.

"Hey, no no, don't cry! It's okay!" James said and pulled me in. I didn't even realize that I had started crying.

"No, It isn't! I'm always gonna mess things up!" I said through tears. After letting it out to someone, the weight of it lifted and even though I still felt terrible for my actions, letting it out helped ease my mind.

"No, Miranda, stop. I can call Jaime and explain it to him if you don't want to or don't feel comfortable. He will understand, he might even be glad that you ended up on our bus than Bring Me's." He said quickly, trying his hardest to calm me down and once the tears stopped and my breathing calmed to a hesitant slow hiccup, he seemed to calm too.

"It'll be fine. Jaime himself knows how crazy the first night is, I'm sure he'll understand that you got caught up in it all. This is your first tour right?" He asked an I nodded my head, sniffling and looking down to the floor.

I heard the door open and the ATL guys came barging in, laughing and joking with each other, drunk as all hell and Jack with a bag in his hand. They stopped it all when they looked at James and I.

"What's goin' on?" Alex asked and I looked up at him, burning red eyes and flushed face.

"It's alright now, She's fine guys." James said for me and I smiled a bit.

Jack came over and handed me the bag. "It's some chicken strips with curly fries, best thing on the menu for my best fwiend." Jack said and gave me a hug and I chuckled. He was so drunk that it made me laugh and feel better.

"Thanks, Jacky." I said and smiled.

"I got you babes, anything for you!" He said and blew a kiss to me and like a dork I caught it and put it in my pretend pocket. We all chuckled and then it all died down, the guys went to the back and James looked at me.

"What?" I said with a smile.

"That was adorable." He said in a sarcastic tone and wiped a fake tear away from his eye.

"Oh shut it, I love Jack. He always tries to get me out and about and always thinks of me when they're out, I've known him forever, he's the epitome of my best friend." I said with a laugh and opened up the food container.

"That's sweet. He's a great guy." James smiled and stood up.

"Well, now that the little lady is feelin better, I'm gonna head out. Go hang with them, kick their ass in a game or two for me." He said and gave me a kiss to the top of my head.

"Thanks for coming to check up on me. It felt good to get things off my chest." I said and smiled at him as he stepped off the bus.

I saved what I was working on, shut my computer down, made myself a drink and walked to the back lounge where the guys were playing a game.

"Yay! You came to join us, we've missed you!" Alex said and I giggled.

"You guys see me everyday!" I sat down between Jack and Rian and continued to eat while watching them play.

"Stop trying to steal my curly fries!" I whined as Rian tried to sneak his way to my food.

"They're so good though!" He whined back and I pouted but shared anyways.

I finished up and tossed the garbage out. I leaned my head on Jack's shoulder as they played until I felt to tired to stay up any longer. 

Tomorrow was a new day, I felt better about it all and I wouldn't let one minor mistake hold me back from enjoying the rest of the tour.