Falling Means Breaking: An Adam Levine FanFic

Chapter 4

I laid on my bed trying to clear my head for about an hour. I didn't want to make a super rash decision about this, because I could affect my life forever. I ended up calling one of the only other friends I had made since elementary school, Shay. 

"Um, hi. This is Beka, I don't know if you remember me, but we used to be friends in elementary school." 

"OMG hi. I haven't talked to you in like forever." She had a really strong Valley Girl thing going on. It was sort of scary. 

"Yeah, so can we catch up?" And that was the start of the conversation that kept me up until 3 o'clock in the morning for the first time in my young life. It ended with me tearfully explaining everything that had happened from seventh grade until tonight and then my thoughts about moving to England. 

"Oh gag me with a spoon. That boy is no good for you. Get outta L.A. Hun." We said good night, even though it was really morning and I got up to take a shower. Mondays are just terrible for the universe. In the hopes that Tuesday would be better, I had my favorite breakfast of all time, a peanut butter and banana milkshake from the cafe down the street. It is heaven in your mouth. I had decided early on that I would distance myself from Adam this week and try to think rationally about the situation because rash decisions usually ended in terrible mistakes. After lunch, which was spent in the library, reading  a Harry Potter novel, which will totally be all the rage in the future, I weighed my options with Mrs. Bella, our guidance counselor. I left out the parts where I was in love with Adam and he and his girlfriend made out on my lawn of course, but other than that she got the whole story. 

"I think that it might be a good opportunity for you to move to England and get a full experience there." She had made very good points for the school system and social scene in England and it sounded like a lot of fun, so why do I feel like this is the worst decision of my life? I thanked her for her time and went back to my class. It was hard to focus on the math notes that were flashing rapidly across the screen that hung on the wall. The rest of the day passed a lot like that, too much on my mind to really focus, everything rushing by in fast forward. 

The walk home had never taken so long, but that's also because I had never tried to do it without Adam to keep me company. I had purposely run all the way from my last class to the front doors as fast as was possible for me just to avoid Adam and Victoria. Come to think of it, I hadn't seen much of Adam today. I had never tried to ignore him before though. My mind was still on England and the sub-rock culture over there when I was walking up my porch, which is probably why I didn't see Adam until I hit him.

"Lots on your mind, huh?" He asked, cocking his head to the side in that little way he had.

"Yeah I guess." I did my best to sound nonchalant and uninterested, but Adam knew me well enough to hear the stress and hurt in my voice.

"What's wrong Beka? I know you've been ignoring me. What I want to know is why." I had never heard Adam so hurt or accusatory, or at least not with me.

"I saw you and your girlfriend, who did call to inform me that you never broke up with her, making out on my lawn last night. I don't appreciate being lied to." Now was not the time to tell him that I was madly in love with him, in fact, I was pretty sure there wouldn't ever be a time. It just wasn't going to work between us. Adam remained silent as I opened my door, biting back tears. I couldn't believe him. He didn't even deny it.

I sat down in the kitchen, fully intending to start my homework, but broke down into tears instead. I laid my head on my arms and just let them flow. I hated him for making me feel like I was special and then destroying that. You can't just give someone something irreplaceable and then rip it away. And I hated myself more than I hated him because I still loved him. He still made my heart jump. He still gave me butterflies.

Once the tears had subsided and my homework was done, I went back upstairs and found my guitar and a new pick from Cole and sat down to play. Bon Jovi electrified my room and made my heart feel a little better. Looking over, I saw the music sheets I had for talent night. I Can't Lie was scrawled at the top of the page in my messy handwriting and I made a decision, but not the right one. I decided I would do the talent night with Adam. He had begged me on his hands and knees in the hallway after all. I would make him stick to his promise and do the talent night with me. After that, I would tell him what I felt about him, what I really felt about him, and if he didn't feel the same way, I'd move to England and leave him and Victoria to their happy lives.

My dad came home and we ate dinner together. There was a heaviness in the air that now pushed its way into all our conversations and made everything tense and awkward. I didn't have any energy for anything but a walk to the little park up the street. It was there I found Adam for the second time, tears in his pretty green eyes.