For the hearts that worry instead of beat

Chapter 1

The silence outside is incessant and heavy. His dark eyes look out into the street and observe the way the trees sway steadily in the wind. He's long from falling asleep and he feels almost sleep deprived but nothing can lull Yamaguchi back into slumber in this situation. His thoughts keep closing in on themselves, running around everywhere inside his mind and bringing out all the negative things he thinks about himself and Tsukkishima. It pains him to think this way, both excruciating and agonizing but he can't keep these thoughts away. The thoughts from the darkest parts of his mind have freed themselves from banishment and have come to cause hell for Yamaguchi once again.

~You're just toy. A stupid plastic toy that Tsukki can break into a billion pieces anytime he pleases. And when he does you're not gonna be prepared and you're just gonna be an old broken toy that he isn't gonna bother using anymore. When he's done with you he's gonna find someone new and he's gonna cherish the moments and memories they make, whilst you're gonna be up on the shelf all alone because you're a coward. You're not good enough for Tsukkishima. You're just gonna get broken by him and it's gonna be your fault. He could never love you back no matter what you do for him. You're just an empty canvas waiting for Tsukki to paint the person of his dreams upon and you're gonna be trapped inside. He won't realize that you, the person who loves him more than anything is stuck behind a wall of emotion and endless hurt. He doesn't want you Yamaguchi, get it through your head already.~

The problem is that Yamaguchi can't cope with the fact of just letting the blonde go, or not being able to see him again. Tsukki never really does anything for Yamaguchi in return for protecting him constantly. Yamaguchi was starting to get used to the thought of being that person that Tsukki always pushes away when he was bored, that assignment that Tsukki never bothers to finish, that sweet in the store that Tsukki doesn't care for. He was starting to get used to Tsukki not wanting him around. He's confused as to how he thought that Tsukki loved him but he never noticed that he pushed him away all this time. Yamaguchi is hopeless. He has always been hooked on Tsukki, and his thoughts are second guessing it.

He presses his palms and forehead onto the glass of the window and thinks about how he sees the dreamy blonde tufts of hair every single time he closes his eyes or how Tsukki loves cuddling in the morning after a long night or how much he loves the silver headphones that Tsukki always wears around his neck. Yamaguchi is tragically in love with Tsukki and he can't run away from his feelings.

A muffled alert tone is heard from the freckled boy's bed and it startles him in the slightest. He walks over to his bed, sits down and picks up his iPhone. He clicks the home button and sees a new message notification from the person who's clouding his head at the moment. He slides his thumb across his phone screen, the dull glow showering his face in the darkness of the midnight sky outside his window.

"Wanna go for a drive?"

Yamaguchi stares at the message and wonders if Tsukki actually means it. Or if he is just using him as a prop to release his stress and anxiety into after a hard day. But he doesn't want Tsukki to think that he's mad. 

Yamaguchi replies with shaky hands.

"Sure I guess."

He's kind of nervous to see Tsukki after his thoughts took over of himself but it's better to see him than to bottle up his feelings and shove them into a closet.

Tsukki texts back almost instantly.

"Okay, I'll be there in 5."

Yama stands up and walks over to his closet to find something to wear. He settles on a pair of faded blue skinny jeans, a black hoodie, black converse, and a black beanie.

He grabs his phone off of his bed and exits his house quietly. He shuts the door behind him and turns around to see Tsukki, leaning on the hood of his black Honda Civic in his favourite white sweater, pale skinny jeans, and the worn out white converse that he never seems to get rid of, looking absolutely beautiful.

"Hey babe. I missed you."

Tsukki's voice sounds soft and silky, his blonde hair is swept subtly to one side, and his champagne eyes are sparkly under the midnight sky. He looks stunning, and so much more attractive than usual. Yamaguchi feels as though he can't speak. He just stares at the blonde, mouth slightly agape and admires the way he looks. He feels the thoughts returning and he's scared for his life.

~Just turn around and go back inside. He doesn't want to see you. You deserve nothing at this point. What have you done for him other than follow him around like a lost puppy all the damn time? God, you seriously will never get it through your head. He doesn't like you Yamaguchi. He hates you with everything he has and he's never going to realize how much he hurt you because guess what. You're nothing more than a piece of glass. One drop and that's it. You're broken forever.~

Yama feels words coming out of his throat and finally decides to speak.

"Hey."