BBC Sherlock AU: Before I Bleed

Chapter One

Sherlock stared at himself in the mirror. Disgusted, he turned around slowly viewing his features.

Tall,Lanky, Skinny, Ugly, Undesirable.

Sherlock was disgusted with himself and he quickly found the box of secrets he kept hidden under his bed from Mycroft. Taking the razor blade out of the box, he slid the cool metal across his skin. The release of endorphins escaped him brain and the relaxing effect kicked in once the blood appeared in steady lines down his forearm.

Grabbing a few tissues, cleaning up his mess and covering the wounds he changed his shirt to the usual button-down shirt and slacks. Heading downstairs, Sherlock came across his brother in the hallway.

''Sherlock, Mum has dinner ready downstairs.'' Mycroft said.

''Thanks, My. But im not really hungry. I had a snack earlier.'' Sherlock returned.

Mycroft gave Sherlock a glance of confusion and just replied with a simple, ''Okay.''

Lately, Sherlock has been skipping meals and using excuses to step away from the dinner table early when he did eat. Rushing to the bathroom and shoving his fingers down his throat, throwing up every thing he has eaten in the last 24 hours.

On his way downstairs to the basement, Sherlock thought about how he needed to hide his secrets when the new school year started. 

Sherlock was 17 and going into his 11th year. It was August and school was starting in 2 weeks.

At seventeen, his interests were anything but normal. He was into science and physcology. More observant than others and focused. Chemistry was one of the classes in his schedule along with biology and physcology. then, there was the boring, humiliating, required phys ed class.

Sherlock wasn't exactly looking forward to going back to school.

 The basement of the small home the Holmes family lived in was the actual comfort and escape Sherlock had. His parents constantly argued, His brother was annoying. But the basement knew Sherlock, understood him, provided him everything he needed. As in, test tubes for various experiments and various chemicals that Sherlock has been able to get his hands on. 

Sitting at the lab table and sketching in his notebook, he sighed. At times he wished he had friends, wished people liked him, wanted to be loved. But then there was that other part of Sherlock that genuinely hated himself, and wanted to die. 

He was bullied, and school was a living hell. The kids teased him for belonging to the family he belonged to, his brother and his unattractive features.

It got to Sherlock, one day he just broke down and that was the end.

What ended up on the lined paper in his notebook surprised him, a bleeding heart with the words ''Before I Bleed'' written in drippy letters above the heart.

Somehow, his brain and hands wrote something that was true, scary and was a rude awakening into reality. Sherlock knew something was wrong with the way he was living his life. But not enough to do anything about it. He knew he felt this pain, so he must be alive.