The Confession

A piece of paper

Hi..

 I am not certain if I have lots to say but I do know that I'm not sure on where to start. 

Maybe I'll give a hint on who you are. 

We are at the same club at school. 

I didn't join because of you. 

I joined because I was interested in the activities. 

I didn't took notice of you at first because ,

oh well,

 I mean, 

I don't know any of you yet. 

I think it took me two weeks to know everybody. 

I suck at names and faces ya' know.

After some time, I got along with our peers. 

I really don't have a difficulty in adjusting, 

except all of you were rich. 

You were all so nice and I enjoyed everyone's company. 

One afternoon, 

out of the blue, 

you talked to me. 

You asked me to come with you and your friend also invited me. 

I was shy so I ended up refusing your offer. 

Lately those times, after club activities I'm left alone. 

You were also so slow to pack your things up so I think that's the reason why we got close. 

I mean more than acquaintances in the same club. 

I started to hang out with you and I think those were the times that I noticed you. 

When we're left alone, 

it's either we don't talk at all or you talk all the way about the experiences, mischief, and troubles you got into. 

Don't get me wrong, 

I don't get bored when you tell me stories of your past. 

It's just, I'm a person with very few words. 

I love listening to you. 

I look straight into your eyes and believe me, 

it always take my breath away. 

Every time I go to the club room, I really hope that you were there. 

I smile automatically whenever my eyes caught sight of you. 

You became the reason why I'm excited going to school, 

the reason why every after class, I hurry and go to where I can meet you. 

Whatever you do, just seeing you makes me happy. 

So happy that I feel like I've been smiling alone foolishly. 

And I always find myself tongue tied every time you find your way close to me so you end up saying "Hi" or "Hello" to me first. 

I always get this shocked expression when we meet even though I'm hoping and expecting to see you in the club room. 

My little sanctuary, because of you. 

I really am head over heels on you. 

I even caught myself once daydreaming but then I brushed that off my mind. 

I wouldn't have a chance on you. 

However, 

despite that, 

I got contented on loving you from afar. 

Every time your skin touches mine, I feel electrified. 

Every time you look at me straight to the eyes,

 I look away because I'm afraid. 

Afraid that you could see through me and know my deepest secret. 

I can't afford losing you just because of these stupid feelings. 

I'd rather be happy in silence than see you walk away from my life. 

I was really thankful that you didn't notice and knew what or how I feel about you. 

You were so kind to me. 

And once when I was so down, 

down like I feel the world is crushing me, you'll tell me that it will all come to pass. 

Every word that was uttered from your mouth

wiped my tears away. 

I am very happy to have met you. 

So happy that, to the best of my abilities,

I would do everything for you. 

One night, unintentionally, I found out something about your past. 

Something you couldn't tell me because I think you tried to bury those as deep as you can. 

You loved someone like me. 

That made my heart jump. Maybe I'll give myself a chance. 

But then I destroyed the slighest hope that I've been holding. 

I can't. 

I'm not rich. 

I don't have the looks. 

I'm not that smart. 

And I am a coward. 

I can't give you something good because 

I know that you deserve the best. 

You're not suit for someone like me. 

And, I know that you wouldn't look at me the way I look at you. 

That was when I told myself that I shouldn't be living in these fantasies anymore. 

I can't make you happy. 

I don't have the ability and the resources to do that.

 We're of different worlds,

 different levels, 

and opposite labels. 

I don't even have the courage to tell you I love you. 

I know that you deserve someone way better than me and I know that you already met that person. 

I guess I'd just be happy for you. 

We don't see each other anymore because I left the club. 

I miss you. 

I miss you so much. 

I miss the times when we're together, when we talk. 

I know I'm just a friend, 

a friend that you can easily replace by rich cool kids. 

But you, 

you are someone special. 

So special that I am not even worth your time anymore. 

That is why I am writing you this, 

 this confession that you will never know because 

I'm burying this deep into my heart. 

My farewell, 

along with the feelings 

I've long kept from you.