Bringing Tomorrow

For You? Anything.

My cheeks burn as my tears scorch their way down my face. My sisters' faces are blurry, but I can make out their pained expressions matching my own. Seeing them makes a sob fall from my chapped lips. Their bright green eyes have no twinkle, no light, like the sun has disappeared behind the clouds and took their happiness. I squint my eyes shut as my fingernails dig into the palms of my clenched fists. The pain is not enough to take attention away from the unbearable heartbreak ripping through my chest.

My black dress used to hug my body, now it barely clings to my skin. Hollow and empty with only my sisters left. Ava's arm wraps around my sharp shoulders and pulls me into her warm side further beneath the umbrella. The dull sky is crying like it shares my agony. It used to be my favorite weather, but now the cold makes its way into my bones. The kind of cold that you feel even while standing under the scalding water of a shower. The cold, sharp rain left the ends of my long dark blonde, normally wavy hair, straight and dark brown from the wetness. My toes are numb and my black shoes squeak when they rub against each other.

Koda clings to my leg. Her tears soaking the bottom of my midthigh length dress. Her soft sobs crush my already broken heart. The sheets of rain patter against the wooden tops of the two coffins holding our parents and the cold stone headstones that claim their names. Her small hand reaches out and touches the dark wood. The black sleeve of her dress doesn't change color even when soaked with rain, but the white lace around her wrist at the end of the sleeve wilts and clings to her glistening skin.

And then we leave. Walking away slowly, only turning to look back once we reach the car.

After two months of torment that squeezed my body so tightly all of the beauty in the world slowly drained along with my will to do anything but sleep, my sister had enough.

My mind is blank, my room is black, and my body is numb. A creak of my door and a stream of light come from the hallway. "Maya..can I talk to you?" Ava's gentle voice crept into the darkness but didn't reach my ears. The bed dipped down and made my body loll to the side a little bit. Ava's warm hand reaches out to touch my arm. I look down at it and then back up at my ceiling.

"I know you can hear me Maya." She sighs and her breath moves some of my hair. "This place. It's so cold and everywhere I look I see mom and dad..so...I've decided that I'm going to use some of the money they left and we're going to move. Not just out of this terrible house but this town. I can't walk down the street without remembering them." A warm droplet hits my arm. I sit up and brush my hand against her flushed cheek. Just this simple movement makes me ache and my stiff muscles scream. Pulling her into a hug is the only thing I can think of to help. "I miss them too" my dry voice irritates my throat and sounds strange to my ears. Koda's small footsteps run down the hall and her small body barely dips the bed. Her small arms reach around our necks. Ava's brown curly hair tickles my face as Koda moves to lay her head on my other shoulder that isn't taken up by Ava's.

We fall asleep after a while and soon the light is coming from a gap between the curtains creating a warm streak on my cheek. It blinds me when I open my eyes, the stupid sun, ugh. My hand instantly reaches up to block it out. I roll over and almost crush Koda so I quickly climb over her and step onto the floor.

I know this move is going to be good for us, but I'm getting sick of myself right now. My sisters need me to snap out of this. So I walk over to my windows and pull the curtains to the side. Ava groans, but she just grabs onto Koda out of instinct and pulls her into her chest. Koda lets out a soft snore before rolling into Ava's side. It hits me how much I missed them. Koda's brown ringlets that always end up sticking out all over the place, probably because she doesn't like us to brush her hair and Ava stealing all of the covers and then pushing them off the bed. Their total lack of privacy. The way they love to make everything a competition. Their warm smiles accented with freckles across their cheeks and noses. The way their eyes shine and make everyone happy. All of it. I miss all of it.

The hardwood feels unfamiliar under my feet and when I look in the mirror I don't even recognize my face. Dark circles under my eyes, and everything seems so hollow. I head to the bathroom and take a shower. My shoulders feel foreign under my fingertips and so do my ribs and hips even though I showered just the other day. I shake off the feeling and wrap a towel around my long hair that needs to be cut and another around my thin body.

Koda and Ava are still asleep when I step back into the stale air in my room. I quickly change into my bra and underwear, a worn band tshirt that used to be my mom's, and my favorite pair of jeans. They're even more loose than my dress was at the funeral. I sigh and walk down stairs. My old routine pulls me in the direction of the kitchen. I make breakfast and Koda and Ava come down, racing, Ava letting Koda win just like she always does. The only thing different is that mom and dad don't follow threatening to tickle them. I shake my head lightly and try to smile at Koda, but even my six year old sister knows it was a sad attempt, let alone my eighteen year old sister. They just smile back and pretend it was normal. This is gonna suck ass for a while.

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So sorry for the rough start. It'll be happier in the next chapter I cross my heart ♡♡