My desperate endeavor to find my whoever

20) Peace the Village?

Alex

Erin hadn't stopped looking at her father from the second we picked him up. I think she was genuinely shocked that I'd managed to arrange all of this without her knowing, even if I did almost let it slip. The few times she did manage to look away, Erin flashed me the cutest little grin; y'know the one girls do when their nose scrunches up on side while their cheeks go a little pinker than usual? Yeah, that one. My favourite.

"Let's go and get you checked in. We can get some food then go to the venue if you want, dad?" Erin asked.

"Sounds good to me kiddo." He smiled.

I narrowed my eyes a little. He seemed a little abrupt, and he kept very close to me as we got into the hotel. "I saw a video online last night." He murmured. "It was Erin singing with that group of foreign lads, what are they called? Peace the Village?"

I quietly snorted. "Pierce The Veil." I corrected.

"Close enough." He shrugged. "Anyway, she seemed really upset after he grabbed her wrist. Has she said anything to you?"

"No, she hasn't actually." I said in realisation, slowing right down. "Erin was really upset afterwards, so I left her to it so she could calm down. We've not had chance to sit down and talk about it, I was going to wait until we dropped you off tomorrow."

"Please talk to her." He pleaded. He sounded desperate, like he was genuinely worried for her. "She's too fond of bottling everything up - just like her mother really - and I don't want that for her. I want her to be happy."

I nodded. "I promise." I told him. "Can I be totally honest with you? I...I'm worried too. There's been moments where she's just shut herself away for no apparent reason. She just decides she wants to be away from everyone. I don't like that. I don't want her to be like that. I want her to feel like she can vent and rant and use me as a punch bag. I promise I'll speak to her."

He sent a weak smile my way and patted me on the shoulder as we went to get him checked in - there was a queue so Erin was place holding for us. In no time he was checked into his room and Erin was feeling brave enough to drive back to the venue. Of course, she had me as her GPS. We safely made it back just in time for a brief dinner on the bus, then final prep for tonight. It was so weird having Erin's dad here; I felt like I couldn't touch her. I couldn't even look at her properly. It was a good job really, because an interview had been arranged at the last minute, so Erin was preoccupied with her dad for the remainder of the night. I just really love making her happy; it gives me life.

*

"Alex? You in here?" I heard Erin shout, getting progressively louder when she put her head around the door.

"I'm fine." I croaked. "Just needed to lay down for a few minutes."

"Oh, okay." She said, not seeming at all fazed. "Matt just asked me to come check on you. You've got about 15 minutes til you go on."

"Thanks babe." I said a little more confidently. "I love you."

"I love you too." I could hear the smile in her tone. Erin left the dressing room, closing the door behind her. She didn't have to know about my anxiety attack. No one did. I don't even know where it came from; one minute I was fine and the next I was struggling for breath and wanted to cry. I felt helpless and lost. Even Jack and Vinny just laughing together made me think they and everyone else were talking about me behind my back; I was unbelievably paranoid. That's strange for me - I've never had one this bad. I managed to get myself into the dressing room after mumbling about needing a lie down, when my heart started racing, almost as if I were having a heart attack. When I didn't get the pain in my left arm, I knew it wasn't. I felt lost, almost as if I didn't know where I was or how I managed to get here, and that I'd lost total control over my life. I felt like I'd lost Erin. Her dad and how close she is must've been my trigger this time, which is strange; I always knew they were close, so why is it all of a sudden an issue? Eventually, I managed to calm myself down. I checked my phone to see I had a missed reminder: Medication!!!

"Fuck..." I sighed, physically kicking myself. "No wonder it was so bad! I'm an idiot."

I took the dose I'd missed and reset my reminders, then made my way to the stage. Jack was getting a little cagey when I didn't get there bang on time, but I saw him sigh physically when he caught sight of me.

"Finally." Jack breathed.

"Sorry man, I-"

"Don't worry." He interrupted. "We'll talk about it later. Let's just forget about whatever it is and play a fucking great show."

I smiled broadly. "Jack you're the best." I told him, pulling him into the biggest hug I could muster. I'm glad I have a friend in Jack.

*

"Babe?" Erin questioned, holding her hand out to me.

"You guys go ahead, we'll follow you down." I told her.

She shrugged and headed out with the guys; her dad was already at the hotel because he was tired, so she decided that we'd all go out for a little while. I couldn't go anywhere until I'd spoken to Jack; he was one of the only people I could rely on when my anxiety was bad.

"So what was with you earlier?" He asked quietly, even though everyone else was gone. "Did you have an attack?"

I nodded. "I missed my meds again." I croaked. "I don't know why this keeps happening. I really don't understand it."

"I thought Lisa made you set reminders for them?"

"Yeah she did." I said glumly, not looking at him. "I just keep missing them."

"You're missing her, aren't you?" Jack blurted out.

"No." I snapped. "I'm happy with Erin."

"I never said you weren't." He said, eyeing me suspiciously. "It's just odd that the one thing Lisa made you do is the one thing you keep forgetting, because she isn't here to remind you."

"Well fucking sorry I'm fucking forgetful." I snapped, jumping up. "Jheeze..." I breathed, running a hand through my hair as I walked out. I stopped at the door though. She was there.