To Be Loved

"Why?" She whispered almost inaudibly into the darkness. "Why
did you lie to me Merlin? I trusted you," she choked out as tears started to form in her wide pained eyes. At that he turned to face his old friend with guilt shadowing his normally light features.

"I'm sorry Morgana you know I couldn't tell you. My life revolves around that one secret and no matter how much I wish I could take it back I know that I couldn't tell you." He reached out to hold her shaking hand but she jerked it away with sudden anger flooding her thoughts.

"Your apologies mean nothing to me Merlin," she spat with venom filling her words, "You lead me to this life. This life that is full of loneliness and pain." Merlin tried to conceal the sting he felt at her words. He knew that she spoke the truth, he turned her into this. His heart ached for the woman that he once knew. The woman who would go to any lengths to help those in need, including him.

Morgana let out a sigh of exhaustion and proceeded to wipe her wet cheeks in frustration as Merlin finally took their surroundings into consideration. They were in Camelot's dungeons. Being made to share a cell because it was the only one with restraints against magic. The memories of how he got there came flooding back.

/Merlin walked down the corridor towards Gauis's chambers after a long day of hunting with Arthur, he was already thinking about the small bed waiting for him in his room, he quickened his step eager for rest. He swung open the door with ease and without looking up mumbled a quick goodnight to Gauis before being suddenly grabbed from behind as his head shot up in surprise which quickly turned to fear and bewilderment.

"I'm sorry Merlin, I really am." Said a familiar voice quietly. Merlin turned his head and looked at Gwaine's pained expression with wide confused eyes. What is going on? He thought to himself.

It was then that Arthur walked in front of Merlin with a sad expression and said "Merlin you are under arrest for sorcery." He spoke with a false sense of calmness and then everything was a blur.

He was half dragged to the dungeons hearing the king saying something about spell books and betrayal, but that was not important to Merlin for he had failed. His destiny was not fulfilled, he could no longer protect Arthur, not from within a dungeon. Then he was thrown into the cell next to a recently captured Morgana who looked at him with disgust, anger, and betrayal clearly displayed on her beautiful face as she had obviously heard of his magic.

Guilt flooded his entire being at the sight of her pain as her face was the last thing he saw before he blacked out./

He was brought to the present when Morgana's skirts rustled as she tried to get comfortable on the wall furthest from Merlin. He sighed sadly and walked over to her and sat down. She refused to look up, only staring at her worn hands breathing deeply through her sorrow. He knew she had lost so much, so many people, and he also knew it was all his fault. Determined to have her see his regret he slid closer to her only to have her flinch away.

"Stay away from me," she hissed "Haven't you done enough damage? I should have known. All those times, it was you who saved the day," she chuckled darkly "It was you who denied your own people of a free land."

"Morgana you know that's not true. Taking the throne would do no good for the people of Camelot. They would never bow for you, you have done too much bad. Caused too much pain." He sighed as he took in her appearance. Her face looked vulnerable with tear tracks running through the dirt that covered her skin. Her hair once silky and beautiful was now a knotted mess pointing in every direction. Despite these things he couldn't help but think she was still the most beautiful person he'd ever seen. He looked into her eyes and realized that she really had been through so much more than he could ever imagine. His Morgana. She was this way because of him. And he would do whatever it took to restore her faith. He would restore her to the girl that he once loved.