PAPA

Life never been easy for me since my mind have grown up. I'ma 16 yrs old young lady. My father has a mind disease that cannot be cured anymore. I have 5 siblings and one of them is a boy. In the age of 16, I've learn a lot of things while I'm here on earth growing up. Everyday, everything change. Life is something really hard to deal with. When I was in grade 3 I started doing my own path by doing some effort and all of those are for my mother to be proud of me. I have joined many many thing such as sports, journalism, and many more kinds of contest and events. As a part of life, it's so nice to be successfull. I like how I see my mom coming up on stage and showing how proud she is to have a daughter like me. I am doing everything of this for her and for my father. Life is so unfair for me not to feel the love of my father. My father can't even recognized anyone but I know myself he loves me so much. You know what makes me feel it? He listen to me. He listen to what I'm saying. Too bad, I left him a year ago. I need to leave because yes, It's a part of life again. Everything has been planned. It's my destiny to leave my country and be a new person here in America. 

It's so hard to leave my parents over there. I'm that type of person who cannot sleep as long as I can see my mom first. When I was in my mom's side, she does everything for me. I can see her, sacrifising so much just to give and get what I want but I didn't appreciate those. I only appreciated all those this now that I'm far far away from her. Life never been really good to me to realize how much dumb I am. Maybe I was too busy doing those stuff I wanted and forget to thank her. When I was in grade 5, I've reach my highest goal. I've won the game but lost somewhere else. I didn't get into the place where I want but at lease I've reached somewhere high. When the time I know I'm gonna loose. I put my racket down and tell to my self " I can't do it, but I will play and I will try" It was me doing all this kind for my mom to make her proud of me and she might not know that from the first time. Everytime I lost my mama always tell me not to be sad because I've done so much and went so much for it. But I wanted to go farther where she could tell to anyone how smart and how good am I. 

My mom is a Christian. A believer and seeker of God. Before, I hate going to church, I feel lazy every time my mom ask me to wear this long skirt and old fashion kind of long sleaves. But then  I've change a lot because of my mom. She encouraged me so much. She didn't gave up on me like how God didn't gave up on us. God change my life. without God, life is gonna be so much hard than you think. Without God, you feel empty and sick in the rest of your life. I've done a lot of mistakes but God didn't see those, he chosed to see those sacrifes and good things I have made in my life. That is why I love God, it is so much rejoice and much happiness to serve him. Little by little, when the time I baptized in the name of God in the church of Oneness Pentecost. I was the one who choosed to be with my mom and continue serving God until now. I want to serve God cause I want my life adn my family to be good. I wanted my father to be cured by the healing power of God. I wanted to be successfull and reach all my dreams by the help of God. But until now, my family isn't that good but at lease were not fighting at all the time and until now, my father is still sick and being weak. I don't know but it's not that I'm blaming God of why still is still my father cannot be cured but I'm still hoping and believing that someday, me and my family including my dad will eat everyday at the same time and have so much time to each other.

I always wanted to go out with my papa and I hope someday, here in america, we will go mall at the same time. Sometimes, everytime I saw someone looks like or sounds like my father, I always wanted to hug or talk to them but no can cause they mjight think that I'm crazy. I'm so thirsty of my father's love. I wanted to sleep with them with my mom. Someday, If God permits me to graduate from college. I wish it's my father who will come in stage and come with me during the march cause it's always my mom who come with me so I wanted my father too to come. I wanted to be a history for my family, for the whole family, because from my cousin and uncles, no one graduated yet. That is why I want to finish this battle between me and my studies so I could see what people do after thinking that not anyone of us is an educated. Based on my performance and success on my old school, people start thinking that I'm smart and different from my cousins and siblings. That doesn't mean I want to show off but I'm so happy to be someone different. Maybe because I try so hard, and work so hard. People start showing respect to me and my family because they saw how I success. I didn't graduate yet but they think and for them I'ma educated person already and that makes me happy. But, on the other side, it's hard because people and everyone expect too much from me now specially my family.