I get so frustrated when this happens.
I try so hard to be social, make friends, get more confidence and then 'blam' someone stops talking to me, with no warning and my confidence just drops and I don't want to be social any more.
Two separate friends have just stopped talking to me. I've never been moping or anxiety ridden around them. I can be confident when I want to and always was with these two - so I know it wasn't because I was too depressing to be around, something I know other people have felt about me.
*** The first one was at the start of December. I live in China btw - it's not easy to make good friends here. I was friends with this other western girl. She and her boyfriend and my bf and I would hang out together, like every few weeks. We got on really well and would just spend the whole time laughing. One day we were emailing back and forth and arranging to meet up (her suggestion). I emailed her having a mini humorous rant about my work (about 2 sentences), nothing serious and I know she experiences similar things because we do the same job. She didn't reply. I didn't think anything of it. I emailed later in the week to organise hanging out on Saturday, but she never responded. My bf tried talking to her on msn on the to see if they wanted to grab drinks on Saturday night, but she'd ignored him then eventually went off line. That's not unusual for her, so I gave her a quick call on her mobile and she cancelled the call. We didn't want to seem like we were hassling them, so we left it that and went to a bar to meet some other friends.
We've not heard from them since. My boyfriend doesn't care and says they obviously found new friends or are just idiots, but this kind of stuff scars me. I felt a bond between them and have known them for over a year, so I'm a bit shocked. I keep thinking about my email I sent, 'was it too ranty? maybe she didn't find it funny? maybe she thinks I'm moaning and didn't get the humour?' My bf never has people stop talking to him, I do, all the time, so I'm sensing it was something I did.
The other friend is a Chinese girl. I find Chinese friendships hard to maintain. Largely due to the concept of face - let them 'lose face' slightly and blammo - they're gone. I have gone through many Chinese friends during my time here. This one, I'm not really sure. I invited her over on Xmas day as we were cooking food for a few people and she obviously didn't want to come, so she didn't reply. It's a Chinese thing - don't want to do something, just don't reply lest you or the other person loses face. Next time you see the person, act like normal, maybe tell them you we will and didn't read their message until it was too late, and all will be fine. So that's what I was expecting. The next week I texted her to see if she wanted to hang out (we do language exchange) and I got a curt reply, 'I'm busy all day and going to Shanghai tomorrow for the weekend.' I texted her this week, giving her another chance to see if she wanted to hang out, but she didn't reply. I can't text her again. I know the signs. It's over. I've somehow offended her deeply, but she won't tell me or let it slide because the offence caused was likely the result of cultural differences. My invite to dinner was sent the evening before, very short notice, but we organised it last minute. ****
Sorry, long rant. The result is I currently feel very very low. I work part time as a freelance writer and was given a load of scary assignments this weekend, when I'd planned on staying in doors. Right now, I feel so low I don't feel like I have the courage and optimism to pull them off (interviewing various people, in Chinese, and writing them up for a Monday deadline). I want to crawl into a hole My boyfriend hasn't noticed because he's working till 9pm and just doesn't want to talk about this kind of stuff when he gets in.
