Dear all of my friends,
I would love to thank you for the misery you made me live with. All the unnecessary fights you've had, oh they were great. I especially loved it when you all made me feel alone. When you never talked to me for months on end. When I was forced into a state of discontent and fear. As well as the darkest of desires and prayers that have ever crossed my mind and entered my pens and pencils creating gruesome art and poetry. Remember when I told you all I wanted to speak, and you never cared. When I told you they hurt me, that they hate me. Remember when you said to just toughen up. As if you thought I was so strong, like all of you. You knew I wasn't though, admit it. You just didn't care much about some girl wanting,e dead. You though it was a joke...Yeah...you know what's funny. My own self hatred. It runs deeper than the blood in my body as if it had been conjured during the day I was born. This eternal feeling of loathing that shouldn't exist for a child of my age. To think that a young girl could hate the self so much seem impossible. But it's true. You an plug your ears all you want, that's not going to change my thoughts of disappearing of the face of this planet. All your attempts to make this a joke only adds to my "reasons" to leave and never come back...And the only reason I haven't mentioned the word "Death" or "Die" I feel as if I have to mention them to show how real this is. As if self loathing is not a valid clue!
I remembered when I cried myself to sleep for all those months.....I remember when I cried in the morning I. Front of all of you as you laughed....and laughed....and laughed....
I remembered when I wanted to die more than anything else.......
So thank you friends
For not caring at all
Sincerely,
The girl you didn't care for
