LAUREN'S POV
"Dear My Sweet Karla,
I know you hate when I call you that. But it's a beautiful name to describe a beautiful girl. I hate myself, to be honest... And I don't feel like living anymore. But do you remember the one night where we never went to sleep and I finally got the nerve to kiss you? I was super nervous and had practiced that kiss over and over with the teddy bear from our first music video. I'm such a weirdo, I know..."
"Whatcha writing there, baby?" Camila asked me while kissing my temple. I quickly covered it up and smiled at you.
"Nothing love."
"Oh-kay.. Wanna come lay in bed and watch a movie with me?" she asked slowly. I nodded and left our desk. We basically shared a room, because Camila and I found it hard to sleep alone. I crawl into bed and get comfy under the covers. She turns on a movie I hadn't heard of before and intertwines her fingers with mine.
"Baby what's wrong?" she seemed worried. I squeezed her hand and forced a smile.
"Nothing babe, I promise." I lay my head on her stomach and she plays with my hair. Why couldn't I feel this happy all the time? Camz makes me feel beautiful, and without her I'm miserable. I had started to cut my upper thigh. When Camila finally saw.. All hell broke loose. Not in a bad way, but just..wow.
She told the girls I was sick and that she was going to take care of me. Which I guess was true in a mental state of the word. We would lay in bed all day and she'd try and make me feel better. We watched so many movies over the couple of weeks we had off, I could probably quote a few of them. I love Camila, but I can't keep hurting anymore.
I started to drift off to sleep, and was quickly awakened.
"Lolo, what..is..this?" She asked while holding the letter. My heart sank as I watched her deep brown eyes start to water.
"Camzi..don't be upset, please." I could feel the tears swelling up. She just watched me as I began to cry.
"I thought things were better? How could you do this to me?" Now the tears were rolling down her face. I slowly got up and walked over to her.
"Please don't say that..." I hated myself even more for this. She put the letter down and wrapped her arms around me. The tears from her eyes burned my skin as I felt my heart break.
"Baby? Laur?" Camz was crying even harder now, and I had mustered up the ability to put my arms around her and rock her gently.
Camila looked at me. Hurt, that was all I could see in those beautiful eyes. The eyes that made me fall in love with her. The eyes that made me weak at the knees. The eyes I had known for almost a year. Camila's eyes.
I reached for the letter in an attempt to tear it up, but she stopped me.
"Please go sit on the bed." I was puzzled by her demand, but I did what I was told and sat down. She strolled over to me in what felt like slow motion. Camila kneeled in front of me and put her hands softly on my lap, twiddling with her fingers.
"Babe?" She shook her head and closed her eyes. I didn't know what else to do, so I leaned over and kissed her forehead. She slowly opened her eyes and looked up at me.
"I love you. I fucking am in love with you. You're beautiful. What would happen to me if the love of my life was gone? I couldn't move on.. How does someone move on..? I'm not "miss movin' on" currently. I'm your girlfriend. Please tell me that means something to you." Her eyes were begging for me to say something.
"Camz, you're my entire world. Don't I get a chance to be happy too? I want you to be happy, and I'm happy with you. I just feel so..worthless," I was sobbing at this point and she was doing her best to stay strong. "I don't wanna lose the one I love.." She lost it. I lost it. My world was tumbling down, and it was all my fault.
"Lauren...," she began to choke out while getting up. "Please take your shirt off, please. I need to show you something." I complied and sat there waiting, wiping my eyes. She took my hands and kissed my tears and then let go so she could take her shirt off.
She sat next to me, criss-cross, so I did the same. She put on a sad smile and rubbed my hand softly. Then, she gently grabbed my hand and put it on her heart, which was beating quite fast.
"You are the cause of this. My beating heart. You were there for me when no one else was, so don't give up on me now baby." I nodded slowly and looked down. She lifted my chin back up and gave me a kiss. It was soft and kind of..salty? Our tears were mixing now. I hated to be the cause of her tears. After we broke the kiss, she pulled me down and put my head in her lap and rubbed my head softly.
"I love your nose. I love the way it slopes down into what I think is a perfect kind of nose." She bent down and kissed my nose all over. I smiled a little.
"I love your lips and the way you kiss me. Like it's your one job in life. To kiss me and love me." She kissed me over and over.
"It is my job," I quietly replied.
"I love everything about you, Jauregui. You're mine and I'm yours." She kissed my forehead. Then she slid out from under me and lifted my shorts up, looking at my old scars...and realising I had newer ones.
"Camz please don't be upset," I began but she just kissed me and held my hand.
"Please don't hurt yourself anymore. Don't let me lose you. I'll do anything."
I began to cry again and Camila laid next to me and put her arms around me and hummed softly while kissing my tears. I nodded slowly.
"Don't ever leave me?" I asked quietly.
"Never in a million years." Camz always knew what to say. Then she said something that surprised me.
"You touched my scars earlier if you didn't notice." I looked at her, confused. Then she put my hand on her heart and it hit me. I hurt her emotionally. She was hurting by being with me.
"Please don't hate me Camila. I want to.. I want to die. I don't want to live." I sobbed hard and cuddled into her.
"If you kill yourself, you're killing me too." And with that, she left me and went to the bathroom, holding several pill bottles and a glass of water.
I looked at her, stunned.
"There is no way in hell I'm letting you kill yourself, let alone hurt yourself." She shook her head.
"I'm not living without you, babe." Before I could stop her, she took at least 5 pills, all different colors and sizes.
"CAMZ!! Please no, I'm calling 911! We're getting help, okay baby?" That's when I realised, it was too late. She kissed me hard.
"I love you so much, I'll see you soon." I watched the girl I love slit her throat and fall to the floor.
I was devastated in tears and held her in my arms as blood was flowing from her lifeless form.
I couldn't live without her...
---------------------------------------------
The next morning, Dinah, Ally, and Normani went to where the girls lived.
Ally was the one to discover the bodies. While Dinah called 911 and told them what happened, Ally and Normani bawled as they read the letter. The letter covered in the blood of their bestfriends. The secret lovers. Camila and Lauren.
The first paragraph was scratched out, which they concluded was what Lauren wrote to Camila earlier that night. Then they read the two sentences that changed their lives forever.
"I couldn't live without her. We'll see you all soon.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I don't know what I just did. Nor am I sure what I'm doing with my life. I apologize.
