Impossible Love

The New Feelings

It was so hard to wait. I couldn't eat, I couldn't drink. I was happy, sad, confused... What did this mean? I didn't really want her to see me this way. I had lived on the streets for two months. I didn't really shower I just washed myself. I didn't change clothes that often. I did brush my hair, but it still looked like shit. I didn't eat or drink that much. I was so tired. I was getting more skinny and there where cutting scars all over my body. I was standing on exactly the same place that I was when she left. It was like I couldn't move. Everything went through my head. What was gonna happen. Around the middle of the day she picked me up. She was driving her car. She was wearing a t-shirt and blue jeans. She walked out of the car and over to me and looked in my eyes. "Please, come with me" she said. She laid her arm around me and we walked over to her car. I was sitting at front besides her. "You are the most beautiful human being" it was the only thing I could say. "Thank you so much" she said. She was driving us to her home. It didn't take that long. We walked in and I was looking around. It was a beautiful house with a lot of pretty things. I she asked me if I wanted a shower and I said yes please. "But I don't have anything else than this to wear" I said and showed her my backpack with my things. "You can borrow some of my clothes" she said. I looked at her "thank you so much, but you don't need to do this" I said. "I know, but I want to" she said. We walked into her room. She took a t-shirt and some shorts, because her jeans was too long for my legs, she took some underwear too. She showed me her shampoo, conditioner and some shower gel. She showed me a body lotion and a face cream. She gave me two towels. "I think that was all" she said and smiled. "You don't need to borrow me all your things" I said and a tear ran down my cheek again. "I will cook some food for you while you are in the shower" she said and smiled." Is there anything you don't eat?" she asked. "Yes, I don't eat meat except for fish" I said. "I don't either" she said. "I know" I said and smiled. I went into the shower. I couldn't understand it. I was really in her house. When I came out I took on the clothes she gave me. I loved wearing her clothes. I brushed my hair and I went out to the kitchen. When I saw her standing there, cooking food. It was all I ever dreamed about. I life in her house, with her. She cooked me fish, potatoes and salat. There was a lot of water that I could drink. I drank and ate much, I was so hungry. I couldn't stop looking in her eyes, oh her beautiful eyes. When I finished eating I mad e tea for me and when the tea was ready we sat together in her couch. "If you want to tell me your story, I will always listen" she said and looked at me. I told her everything, word for word, right from the beginning. I took really long time, and I was crying a little, but she was listening and it made me happy. When I was done she kissed my forehead and hugged me. A tear ran down my cheek. "You can stay here for a week and then we need to call your parents" she said and smiled to me. "Thank you so so so much" I said. "Where do I sleep" I asked. "You can sleep in a madras in my room if you want to" she said. "Of course" I said and smiled. "My husband is out for the next two weeks so it's only us" she said and smiled to me. Only us... only us... it made me so happy.. me and her.. us. It was getting late so we ate dinner and went to bed. I was so tired, but I couldn't sleep. She was in the same room as me, I was in her house... I had wished for this so so long. I'v been though so much, and now I'm here, I'm actually here. That morning before she woke up I decided to cook her breakfast. I made French-Toast with cream and syrup, because I know that it's her favorite food. I bought her orange juice and scrambled eggs, and some fresh fruit. I spent my last money on that, but it was okay, I was willing to give all I had for her. She woke up and that look... that thing I always wanted to see, her walking across the kitchen with bare feet, and I long, little too big t-shirt. I was wearing her clothes that I borrowed yesterday. I was completely happy. I didn't think about that it only was a week, I was just happy.. I was the happiest human being. "You don't need to do this" she said and smiled. "I can never thank you enough" I said and looked into her eyes. Her eyes, they was so beautiful, brown, and they shine in the sun. I wanted to kiss her every second. I kept thinking "how is it possible to be so beautiful?". I tell you she really was the most beautiful human being, ever. She  was sitting besides me. "We can go out and buy you some clothes today" she said. "Thank you, I'm gonna find a way to pay you back" I said. "No, it's okay, you don't need to" she said. "Are you sure?" I asked. "100%" she said and smiled. I went to a mall and she bought me some shorts, some t-shirts and some underwear. We was having such a good time together, joking around. She was the only one in the whole world who new the real me, because she gave me the chance to tell her about my feelings in the right way, and she was listening, not judging. We went to a farmers market and bought food. We went home again and she took a shower. I was just sitting in the couch listening to her. I could hear the water running down and her press shampoo out of the bottle. When she was done she went out to the kitchen. We where cooking dinner together. Bean-salat and fish. We where sitting outside in her garden, watching the sunset while we was eating. It was beautiful, she was beautiful. That night I slept a little bit, but it wasn't easy. I could stay up all night just looking at her sleeping, thinking about her. The next day I was wearing some of the clothes she bought me yesterday. We went out early to get some coffee and tea. She bought bread and we went out on a walk. We talked a lot. We went home and ate some food. We went to bed again. The next day where we home all day. We played games and it was fun. We ate food and went to bed again. We was cooking breakfast together the next morning. After breakfast we went on the beach. She bought me a bikini and we went out in the water swimming together. I was a little bit scared, but she was holding my hand, and it helped. She was good at swimming, but I wasn't. She bought us ice cream and we was sitting in the sand eating it. We was at the beach all day. She bought us some food and we ate it after that we was just sitting together looking at the sunset. It was a lovely day. We was sitting, talking and laughing in the sand for hours and I couldn't hold it anymore. She was so beautiful, her cheeks, her eyes, her lips... I kissed her. I looked in her eyes. She smiled and we just talked again. It was like she knew how much I tried to hold it. We went home and slept again. The last day was the hardest for me. All I could think was tomorrow it's over. She had already bought me a fly ticket. I was like she knew I was hurting. She hugged me. That night we wen ton a restaurant. It was like it wasn't easy for her to say goodbye either, I don't know why. We went home, and I couldn't sleep. I was wearing her shorts and her t-shirt. She was wearing shorts and at-shirt too. She asked me if I was scared. "Scared no, sad yes" I said and I tear ran down me cheek. "Come up here" she said. I laid besides her in her bed. I was looking at her beautiful face. It was dark, but I could see her. And then it happen. She kissed me. She did. I didn't know if it was because she wanted or because she felt sorry for me, but I didn't stop her. I could feel her lips in mine. I laid my hand on her cheek. It was smooth. I forgot to think, I just kissed her. She took her legs around my body and I rolled over at top of her. I took of her shirt. Under that she was wearing a beautiful blue bra. We kept on kissing and after that we slept. I was sleeping close to her, but I loved it. I love her. She was sad next morning when she gave me her phone. "Maybe we could be together, in a couple together. If you tell your parents they may understand" she said. "But you are doing this because you feel sorry for me, you don't love me" I said and a tear ran down my cheek. I called my mom. "Mom I'm coming home I said" and one more tear ran down my cheek. "What happen, were are you" my mom asked. "I'm safe, and I'm gonna tell everything when I come home" I said. "I love you" I said. I turned of the phone and looked at her again. "I love you, I do" she said and cried. "You may love me, but you aren't in love with me, there's a big difference." I said. I cried too. I took my backpack with the clothes she bought me. I walked to the door. A taxi was waiting for. "I swear I'm in love with you. This week was the best week in my life. I don't wanna lose you. I feel sorry for you, but I am in love with you. Please don't leave me, I think something really good, maybe perfect, could come out of this if we tried" she said. "You are happy. You have an husband and a good career. I'm not gonna ruin that, but I will if we get together, there's nothing I want more than you to be happy, I'm not gonna ruin everything you have... just forget about me" that was the hardest thing to say ever. "I don't think I can ever be able to forget you" she said. "Look, in every possible way I want this to be right, but it's not. I'm sorry..." I said and walked crying away. "Please" she said and took my hand. I didn't answer and I took my hand out of hers. As much as I loved her I wanted her too be happy, and she was happy with her life as it was, I wasn't here to ruin that. Walking away was the hardest I'v ever done. Driving away in the taxa... it was so so hard... but I did it, for her I did it.