Soul to Reach

1 - Own Soul

CHAPTER ONE

Is it over?

It appears not. I still lie motionless on the hospital bed with fourteen eyes watching over me. Ralph, my grandfather, sat across from me with his arms resting on the end of the bed. Along my sides I find my mother Kristin, my brother Nick, my best friends Autumn and Caleb, my five-year old daughter Eunice, and her mother, my ex-wife Aileen.

It has been almost two years since we broke up and almost two years of me secretly wanting her back. But that desire of mine would remain to myself. We never filed for a divorce, but we considered ourselves separated for good. I'm not the type to ruin another relationship even if I have lost mine. She doesn't have to hide it. I know she's seeing someone new. I even know who he is. But his identity, like my longing of getting her back, will remain hidden, until decided to be revealed.

My eyes want nothing but to stay closed. I open them for a while and I'd feel an amount of weight on them, forcing them to shut while I try my hardest to keep them open. I am compelled to close them for a moment and I sense my mother fidget as I do, most probably fearing I will go back to my comatose state. I reach for her hand that lies next to my hip to reassure her. I open my eyes again.

I look at Aileen and she blinks at me expectantly. I breathe out through my nostrils and just stare at her, no words spoken or exchanged. She is so beautiful. Her hair was of straight brown locks that always fell on the front of her chest. She never liked getting it short. She had a few freckles on her nose that always made her feel slightly insecure. She would always try to cover them with makeup. At all times, she tucks some of her hair behind her right ear – only and always behind her right ear. What have I done? Why did I lose her?

I notice faint lines under her eyes and I frown knowing it's because of me. But even by that, they could never overpower the beauty that her eyes held. I could die having that narrative shade of blue be the last memory I'd take from living. And I might. Soon.

1:49AM

I felt a form of heaviness on my left arm and I look, it was my mom. I look around me and notice that everyone was asleep. My daughter was also fast asleep with her head on her uncle's lap. Nick was also sleeping soundly, his head leaning against the wall with his mouth slightly open. I just prefer to say the word "soundly" to myself because I want to convince myself that he's not really worried. He was my brother. Brothers don't show any emotional outputs for each other much. But the beard on his face and the hair that had no wax or gel on it made me think otherwise. Everyone was tired. Well, I couldn't blame them. But I also couldn't blame myself for doing a head count since I was looking for one head in particular. And that head was not there. I sigh heavily as my body takes over and puts me in a deep rest once again.